Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war!

sarahmi5308

Ok so my FI and I bought a house last June (we were dating at the time)... My mom was VERY excited. She was telling her "best friend" who is a raging alcoholic, her response was, "well I hope they fall on their faces".  I was pissed when I heard this.
I do NOT want this witch invited to our wedding. While working a bit on our list, trying to figure out an approximate number, I asked my mom for a list of people she felt should be invited. Of course she was on the list. I told her that her "friend" would not be invited... She wants to pay for her to come! She says her friend can't remember saying it (not a valid excuse in my book) and would be really hurt if she was not included in our celebration. My FI is with me in not wanting her there.
I don't want to piss my mom off, but I also don't feel like I need to invite her "friend".

What do I do?!

andy71781

Was she drunk when she said that?  It probably had nothing to do with you - she was probably coming from a very sad place when she said that.

I'd let your mom invite her.

sarahmi5308

Its hearsay (from my mom)...
Both sets of parents are helping with the cost of the wedding.
I just don't want her getting drunk and causing issues at the reception (its open bar)

FutureMrsTR

If your parents are paying, let your mom invite her friend.  If she starts getting obnoxious, have someone escort her out.  She'll only embarass herself.

squirrly

I'd sit down with mom and explain why I was so hurt.  Frankly, I'd be hurt that mom passed that little gem along from her friend in the first place, but that's a different issue. 

Perhaps cluing mom into how hurt you are will actually lessen the hurt for you, AND get mom to understand.  Ultimately, though, I'd probably invite the woman if it's important to your mother. 

andy71781

I think its weird that your mom told you that.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-friend-dont-want-her-dont-want-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6eb7f267-17c2-424c-9437-0466cbe40b9ePost:dcd090ed-8256-41d7-8329-1bebadbe6ead">Re: Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war!</a>:
[QUOTE]Its hearsay (from my mom)... Both sets of parents are helping with the cost of the wedding. I just don't want her getting drunk and causing issues at the reception (its open bar)
Posted by sarahmi5308[/QUOTE]

Unless she has a history of hurling chairs at people or strip karaoke while drunk, I don't think I'd be too worried about it.  If she runs her mouth, people will judge her, not you.  And, security can always "ask" her to leave when necessary. 

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-friend-dont-want-her-dont-want-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6eb7f267-17c2-424c-9437-0466cbe40b9ePost:9f7a70ee-ef28-4720-8ad8-3ecd8622ff79">Re: Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think its weird that your mom told you that.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

Me too.

sarahmi5308

Andy-- I agree! She should have kept it to herself... And then I would not have known the difference and she would have been invited without question!

Calypso1977

why did you even ask her for a list?
i just dont get why people do this.  its not your parents wedding, its yours.

sarahmi5308

Thanks everyone!!! Looks like I'll be inviting her!! (and hoping she doesn't show up)

[Deleted User]

Looks like I'm the minority but I would not invite her. Your mom will have plenty of friends and family there, and if this woman isn't close to you, I dont see why you shoudl feel like you have to invite her if you don't want to.

Cynthia1207

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-friend-dont-want-her-dont-want-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6eb7f267-17c2-424c-9437-0466cbe40b9ePost:1c8963ca-3081-4be4-bc3a-7904079fd854">Re: Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war!</a>:
[QUOTE]Looks like I'm the minority but I would not invite her. Your mom will have plenty of friends and family there, and if this woman isn't close to you, I dont see why you shoudl feel like you have to invite her if you don't want to.
Posted by JLil120[/QUOTE]

I'm also in the minority.  NO WAY am I inviting people who have insulted me or who don't want the best for me.  Unless this woman has apologized to YOU directly and not your mother, I would not invite her.  Sorry but she doesn't deserve to be there, no matter who's paying, it's still your wedding.

lyndausvi

I'm in the 'pick your battles' camp.   

Only you  can say if it's worth the battle or not.

Personally I would invite her, but then again I do not get easily offended by third hand comments made by a drunk person. 

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-friend-dont-want-her-dont-want-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6eb7f267-17c2-424c-9437-0466cbe40b9ePost:e5a6bea9-17e4-4123-b894-674c39fe4ede">Re: Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war! : I'm also in the minority.  NO WAY am I inviting people who have insulted me or who don't want the best for me.  Unless this woman has apologized to YOU directly and not your mother, I would not invite her.  Sorry but she doesn't deserve to be there, no matter who's paying, it's still your wedding.
Posted by Cynthia1207[/QUOTE]

<div>There is no way in knowing that she actually said that, unless the offending mother's friend said it directly to the OP. So we have no idea that she actually said it, which doesn't bode well for the woman apologizing for it.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Gismo123

I kind of disagree with what PP's are saying...if she's a raging alchi like you stated I wouldn't want her at my wedding, if you're having a bar she will probably get drunk and start a scene.  My own brother is a raging alchi and druggie and he's not invited to our wedding due to the fact he stole $600 from my other brother which was his honeymoon money and spent it all on drugs and booze.  I would think long and hard if you want someone who has already showed she is mean when drunk at your wedding.

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-friend-dont-want-her-dont-want-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6eb7f267-17c2-424c-9437-0466cbe40b9ePost:ddead6ed-c9e0-4c0a-a596-b92b6bee74cc">Re: Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war!</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of disagree with what PP's are saying...if she's a raging alchi like you stated I wouldn't want her at my wedding, if you're having a bar she will probably get drunk and start a scene.  My own brother is a raging alchi and druggie and he's not invited to our wedding <strong>due to the fact he stole $600 from my other brother which was his honeymoon money and spent it all on drugs and booz</strong>e.  I would think long and hard if you want someone who has already showed she is mean when drunk at your wedding.
Posted by Gismo123[/QUOTE]

<div>Right. And this woman hasn't stolen $600 from the OP, which is why you aren't inviting your brother.. not because he is an addict. And you are assuming that she is going to get drunk and cause a scene, you can't be 100% certain of anyones actions. </div>

Gismo123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-friend-dont-want-her-dont-want-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6eb7f267-17c2-424c-9437-0466cbe40b9ePost:205b7a1a-34c5-44b6-baa0-756f91ddc9f6">Re: Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom's Friend -- Don't want her, don't want a war! : Right. And this woman hasn't stolen $600 from the OP, which is why you aren't inviting your brother.. not because he is an addict. And you are assuming that she is going to get drunk and cause a scene, you can't be 100% certain of anyones actions. 
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

Um no I'm also not inviting him because it's a DRUNK.....and YES you can predict how people are going to act....The poster is the one who stated that this woman was an alcoholic and that she is indeed having an open bar.  Alcoholic + Free Alcohol=TROUBLE.  If she wants to invite this person to make her mom happy then shoot do it but if I were her I would go to the bar tender and state that this certain person is not allowed to have anymore than 1-2 drinks to make sure she doesn't get drunk.  Having alcohol available to an alchi is like adding fuel to the fire.

mica178

I'd invite her.  Pick your battles.  If she's that important to your mother, you really don't want months of wedding prep with your mother where your mother is pouting over her friend not being invited.  And warn the bartender to watch out for her and any other known alcoholics.

I ended up inviting a bunch of people that I've never liked much to appease my sister and mother.  After saying "hello" and "thanks for coming" I didn't speak with any of them again that night.