Is this normal?

sunnydays630

Hi everyone, 

I lurk often, but this is my first time posting here. I have a question regarding ceremonies. I know this is not the ceremony/religious weddings board, but I think you all give good advice and hope some of you can help me out. 

I was raised Catholic, and FI is Lutheran (ELCA). I have decided to convert to Lutheranism, and we plan to have our ceremony at FI's church. 

We have received a booklet of information from his church. The church will be charging us $850. This includes the pastor, pianist, and essentially any other costs incurred with the ceremony, except for decorations. Our photographer is not allowed to use flash photography, and our guests are not allowed to take pictures at all. Our programs must be pre-approved before we send them to print, and the programs must include something about the guests not being able to take pictures. 

To me, this seems really strange and very rigid. I was always under the impressions that churches do not charge a fee, but that you are to make a donation to the church. Also, the no guest photography seems a bit strict to me. All of this does seem strict, and in my mind, the price is pretty outrageous. However, I don't know if this is normal or not, because I am new to Lutheranism. I was always under the impression that ELCA Lutherans were the more "liberal" of the Lutherans, so I am surprised by the requirements of the church. 

Is this normal?

Thanks! 

Ghoti

It's not unheard of, I don't know anything about ELCA though, is there a religion board for that here?

HandBanana

You may want to ask in the Christian Wedding board but this is probably more about the specific church.

I'm a Catholic and I found out there are some churches that do not allow you to use real flower petals for the flower girl, they do not allow flash photography, they do not allow certain dresses, etc.

Again, I'm not Lutheran so I'm not 100% but I'm just saying there are Catholic churches with similar rules so it may be more about the specific church.

leia1979

I've only been to two church weddings, and photography was allowed. That part sounds odd to me.

The price doesn't sound as odd. My mom's church is free for members, but if you aren't an official church member, you have to pay to hold your wedding there. I'm not sure how much.

mica178

I'm Catholic, so I don't know if things are different, but I can tell you that different churches have differnet rules.  Older churches can limit types of photographry because murals can be aging.  Some churches require program approval (mine did).  Some churches call the fee a donation, others call it a charge.  So none of the rules you described surprise me especially.

If you really want to marry at this church, you'll have to bow to their rules.  If the rules are too much, you're going to have to find a new church.

youshouldveknown

What you've described is what I've found for a lot of churches in my area.  Especially in historic downtown Charleston SC, the fee can be upwards of $1000.  More if you are not an active member.  However, when my parent's married in 1980 (keep in mind the time difference as well) her church didn't charge a fee (donation was given), but it was a smaller church outside of the downtown area.

If this is your FI's church, talk to him.  Is he flexible?  Could you find another church?  Or is he willing to do what's necessary to get married in this church?  

DramaGeek

All the churches I know of charge a fee.  Usually it's nominal if you're a member and significantly larger if you're not.  I haven't heard of no flash photography since the 70s though, that's a little strange to me.  PP is right - you'll have to follow the rules if you want to get married there.  I would be curious as to why they don't allow it.

sherilou_99

I used to be a photographer, and this is not uncommon in churches (I have seen it in all different religions), especially the part about no flash photography.  If you interview a photographer and they seem upset by that, then they are not very good at what they do.  It is a challange for them, but if they have been doing this for a few years, then they have dealt with it before. 

At the same time, as the costumer, you have to be prepared that your photos may not look exactly like some of the beautifully lit photos in the photographer's portfolio.  Their is only so much the photographer can do with the restrictions they are given.

Also, my venue requires that all printed material be approved ahead of time. (programs, menues, invitations, everything)  It is not a church.  I thought it was weird, but it was no big deal to me so I went with it.  I guess it is not too odd if your venue requires that as well.

sklink0486

Most churches charge fees to my knowledge. It is a smaller fee for members usually. At least all the ones I looked into- Catholic and Methodist. One of the Catholic churches charged $400 for members, but then there were several other fees for classes, etc. that made it almost $1000!

Those photography rules are not uncommon in a church. We are getting married in a Methodist church and they have the same rules, although not sure about the "no photography" printed in your programs- that one seems a little strange because what if you're not having programs (I'm probably not). So what would it matter then? They shouldn't be able to dictate to you what to have printed in something that is completely your decision/optional to begin with, but then again, if you want to get married there and they insist, you will have to bend.

rebeccamat

Slightly different for us as we're Church of England, and therefore all the legal fees associated with the marriage go through the church.  We're paying just under £300 (can't remember the exact figure off the top of my head), which includes the reading of the Banns and two copies of the Marriage Certificate afterwards.  We don't have to fuss around with getting a marriage licence as the vicar deals with that.  We will probably make a donation on top, especially as they are giving us the church hall free for the reception, and give a gift certificate for a good restaurant to our vicar.

There are additional charges for the organist and choir although, as we're part of the choir, they were offering to perform free.  It's another £60 for the organist and £50 for the choir.

There is no photography during certain parts of the service - we're having a full Marriage with Holy Communion - and no flash photography during any of it, with the possible exception of register signing.  The vicar liasises with the photographer so they both know the boundaries!  Most of the 'no photography at all' bits are the religious elements of the service - during prayers and so on. This was also the case at the church I previously sang at and the case at the Catholic Cathedral that my fiancé's brother recently married at.

Our programmes/orders of service are being printed by the church and therefore they will get approval by default!  Again, this is something they're doing as a gift with no charge because we are so heavily involved.

[Deleted User]

My H and I are both Catholic and were married in the Catholic church. There were numerous rules we had to abide by. one of them being flash photography could only be used during certain parts. And we were not allowed to have an aisle runner, unity candle, guest book present at the church, nor a receiving line.

We also had to have our programs pre-approved before printing them. They not only looked over them to make sure they were in the correct order in which the ceremony was going to take place, but they also wanted to make sure we didn't put anything in there about things we were not allowed to do or have such as the lighting of a unity candle.

ootmother2

Catholic wedding on Cape Cod, no fee other than $250 for the organist/soloist.  The priest refused a gratuity.

I do know that my local church charges for use of the church and I though almost all did as I was supriesed at the one on Cape Cod.

specialk84

My church charges $600 for non-members and $200 to members.  That gets you the church building for the entire day, as well as two hours one day that week to rehearse.

For the minister's fee, she charges between $300-500 for nonmenbers and nothing for members.

Flash photography is allowed, but our photographer won't use a flash during the ceremony anyway.  She's photographed weddings there before, and the pictures have always loooked fantastic.

As for approving programs and such, we don't have that requirement.  We're Unitarians, though, so we don't have many rules.

AbbeyS2011

Every church has their own rules.  As one PP said, it could be no flash photography due to the murals or other decor in the church.  Some museums have the same rule.

As far as the church fees, that likely covers the electricity, the cleaning of the church before/afterwards, staffing(someone has to be there to open/close the church for you), etc. 

I would not fret over the programs - that seems pretty standard.  As far as the guests' photography, put something in the program that says, "No photography during the ceremony is allowed, per church rules" or something of that nature.  If you can, you might also want to put up a small sign in the foyer as the guests are entering, since not everyone takes a program or reads them. 

sunnydays630

Thank you all for the responses. I will also check out the Christian board. 

Most of the weddings I have been to have not been in churches, so I wasn't sure if this seemed unusual or not. FI and I figured that the $850 at the church would be about the same as an officiant, park and chair rental if we were to have it at a different location. 

lyndausvi

None of the things you mentioned are un-heard of.  Different churches have different rules.