Bridal Shower Advice

MsAmeera25

I need opinions on my shower. Here is the background info. My shower is today this evening. I have always known it was today but all the details are a surprise, location etc. 

I love OOT in GA and my shower in FL, anyway I came in town yesterday and after seeing some of my girlfriends and family a few people told to me they may not be able to make it and will just stop by for a minute to drop off a gift.

So after asking several ppl why my mom and aunt basically told me they think my shower is tacky rude and they can't believe my MOH planned it the way they did.

Apparently my shower is going to be at Cheesecake Factory in downtown Ft Lauderdale and everyone needs to pay for themselves. 

My mom then went on a rant about how she wanted to contribute money for the venue and gave ideas and she wasn't included and feels hurt because i'm her first child getting married and she wanted to help them plan something nice not a dinner. She said my MOH never returned her calls and she didn't know anything until she received the invite in the mail

Cheesecake does not have a private room, it is in the middle of downtown busy Ft Lauderdale and guest will need to pay for their own meals and parking. Parking is 3.50 an hour. So I also feel ppl will be rushing o leave after 2 hours due to the pricey parking garage fee.

When I heard this honestly I was so disappointed, mainly because I love showers and all the cute games and Cheesecake is a restaurant with no privacy. I feel like I would be embarrassed opening lingerie while other ppl are having dinner. Or even just trying to talk to my large group would be hard. There is about 30 ppl.

I have a lot of OOT ppl flying in just for the shower and with me living OOT as well this is my only shower. And I don't see my family and friends often it really makes me sad I won't be able to socialize with them as I would like to because its in a popular busy restaurant on a Saturday loud night.

And I am so embarrassed people are paying for their travel, parking, food and then buying me a gift. I wish they would have told me sooner so we could arrange something else.

I would NEVER have done a pay for yourself shower for anyone. Neither would my family.. 

My MOH planned it all by herself and did not want my BMs to help her. This is her first wedding she will attend or be apart of and her first time planning a shower.

So I know it isn't because of money I think she just doesn't know. 

My mom wants to plan a second shower for the week of the wedding but I invited all the people I would invite to this one so I woukdn't have anyone "new" to invite.

Do you think I should say something to my MOH??? My mom really wants to cancel the Cheesecake plans and host it her at her home and cater food etc. She said she can get everything done within a couple hours. 

I just think this will hurt my MOH feelings.

My whole family is upset. I realize the shower is a gift and I feel ungrateful. But I also feel disappointed at the same time. 

I''ve been looking forward to today for awhile and I really just feel sad, disappointed and stressed.

If i'm being unreasonable please give me some insight.

Avion22

First of all, calm down.  You're stressing out about something that hasn't even happened yet.

My advice would be A) take a few deep breaths, remember above all else to be gracious.  Your friend is throwing you this party, and it's not for you to say HOW it should be done.  I know you're upset about people paying for your own meals -- I would be too.  But it's too late to change this now.   I would just go with it.

pgcp

I wonder if there is a way for your mother to give the restaurant her credit card and cover the meals?  Ordinarily I wouldn't suggest doing something sneaky like that but it really is rude to ask the guest to pay for their food (not your fault at all!), and with people flying in from out of town, I'm really cringing at that thought.  Do you have an aunt or two who might be able to help her?  I feel like I'm grasping at straws here but yeesh.

As far as the location goes, there isn't much you can do.  If you get any lingerie, I just wouldn't hold it up for everyone to see.  I'd just look at the giver, give her a wink and say something like "this will be fun!" or "Ooohh, he will love the red!" or "Jane! do you really think I'm that naughty? (big mischievous grin)"  The other guests should get it, the giver will know you appreciate it, and you won't flash your new undies for the entire restaurant to see!

I'd also order very little food, and instead of eating, spend the meal going from guest to guest thanking them for coming and catching up with those you don't see very often.  Something like a plate of fries would be easy to take with you from guest to guest, and munch on.  If you make a point to be beyond gracious, your guests will remember that you were grateful and classy towards them.

banana468

Can your mom consider talking to the restaurant to see what CAN be covered?  Maybe they can rule it to a few meal options?

Either way,  what your MOH did was really rude.  If I'd known about it earlier I would have declined that hot mess.

nlindsay17

I understand your frustration with this shower. It is a very rude way to run a shower but people will know it is not your doing. Your mother was very generous to offer to help and I'm sorry your MOH did not take her up on it. Tell your mom people will not blame her for this either. I'm sure your MOH will proudly let people know she did all the planning for this shower. Go and try to enjoy yourself.

soontobemrsep

Go and enjoy yourself! I agree that it is rude that she would plan a shower where people have to pay for their own meals, and that the venue is in the middle of a busy restaurant.

Enjoy this day, it'll be okay! Nobody will side-eye you, it's common knowledge that showers are thrown for the bride and she generally doesn't plan it herself.

As for lingerie, where I'm from bridal showers are usually items off of a registry or household goods, the lingerie is usually given at the bach party.

Have fun today!!!!

Rummi302

I would probably take my mom up on the offer to move it, even though it's last minute. The MOH might be hurt, but she really should have consulted others about her plans. I would rather have 1 person (MOH) offended, than have guests offended and paying for themselves. 

MsAmeera25

Thanks for letting me vent ladies.....my parents decided to pay for everyone's meals and keep it at the same venue.

pgcp

Your parents are awesome!  I hope you enjoyed yourself.

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fb1968e-324d-41e4-9587-b5baf26f071ePost:d5d9011d-7105-490a-982b-f1785dbb6320">Re: Bridal Shower Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Your parents are awesome!  I hope you enjoyed yourself.
Posted by pgcp[/QUOTE]

<div>this. I am too late to the game, i hope it worked out well. I would have offered the guests to go back to your parents after supper. </div>

ootmother2

I'm happy that your parents stepped in but look at it this way.

At Cheesecake Factory, two entrees would feed everyone there

RebeccaB88

Update on how it went?

I'd kill my MOH. I mean...like, defriending, out of my wedding, out of my life type kill.  I wouldn't buy that she just didn't know.  How do you NOT know that's not right? 

Your parents are awesome, though.  And they raised you right.

sonya+adam

Yes, please update!

Agreed, your parents are pretty awesome.

Plumbb2

Yes, your parents are amazing! I guess it is possible for her not to know...some people are truly clueless If this happened to me I could probable see if my parents could have ordered a handful of appetizers for the group and hope that was enough. Paying for everyone's meal had to be expensive!

I would also talk to my MOH and let her know that wasn't the best idea. That you appreciate her planning it but if she where to do another one she might think about doing something different.