Joint bachelor/bachelorette Party

Knottie_22383008

I am the MOH in my friends wedding. They are having a joint bowling bachelor/bachelorette party. We are going to rent lanes and have buffet style food served. There will be about 25-35 people coming to the celebration. I have to send out invites because I do not have every invitees # or email address so i cant do the invites informally. Since this is going to be preplanned and has to be paid before the night of the party, how do i word on the invite that everyone has to chip in $65. I know these parties are usually paid for by all the attendees but I do not know how to word this on the invite with out sounded crude. 

Thanks

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joint-bachelorbachelorette-party-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fd680fd-41a0-48e7-84ac-0b2e4459d1a7Post:08f9b40d-e1b0-4546-8631-e0e6e9073b9e">Joint bachelor/bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the MOH in my friends wedding. They are having a joint bowling bachelor/bachelorette party. We are going to rent lanes and have buffet style food served. There will be about 25-35 people coming to the celebration. I have to send out invites because I do not have every invitees # or email address so i cant do the invites informally. Since this is going to be preplanned and has to be paid before the night of the party, how do i word on the invite that everyone has to chip in $65.<strong> I know these parties are usually paid for by all the attendees</strong> but I do not know how to word this on the invite with out sounded crude.  Thanks
Posted by BriarRose83[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Nope.</div>

RissAnn1970

Actually, OP is right. Every bachelorette or bachelor party I've ever been to or planned has been "every man dir himself" for payment, plus everyone chipped in for the guest of honor. These are not hosted parties the way showers are. I'd put, "X per person. Please RSVP by ___." But I would make the arrangements or front the money and expect to get paid on the day of. I can't remember ever having to pay in advance as the nonplanner of the party.

AddieCake

I have never heard of that. People usually pay their own way at the parties, but to have a "set amount" they have to chip in isn't right. Usually, it's people paying for what THEY eat or drink, not contributing to a whole pot for everyone. Not everone may be able to afford that. 

kmbryant2413

I guess I did mine all wrong, then. Or maybe I was tipsy. >.> I just remember I was buying the drinks and rounds and ordering food. I guess I was feeling generous because other bar patrons were paying for MY drinks!

I could very well be wrong in my previous post and am not afraid to admit it. Carry on

Jen4948

Whatever you do, you can't expect others to take it upon themselves to pay for a party you are inviting them to. 

If someone offers to pay, you can take them up on it, but if you're the host, you need to limit the party offerings to whatever you're willing to pay for yourself.

AJuliaNJ

BriarRose, I'd find a way to skip invites and just do it via word of mouth or via an e-mail that clearly positions this as a night out, not a formal party. Invites signal that it is a formal party where they will be guests. In the e-mail or phone call, you should let them know the costs and ask them if they'd like to join you on a night out.

Every B-Party I've been to has either been every woman for herself, and then they split the bride's meal/drinks, OR in cases of larger groups or organized activities, there's been a set price per person dictated by the restaurant/activity. I have never been to a b-party where anything was paid for by the host. I've also never received an invitation.

emeejeeayen

Wouldn't each persons cost go up if folks decline? Or is it 65 per person no matter what?

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joint-bachelorbachelorette-party-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fd680fd-41a0-48e7-84ac-0b2e4459d1a7Post:c1103089-6aac-4969-999f-bfe033f43808">Re:Joint bachelor/bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]Wouldn't each persons cost go up if folks decline? Or is it 65 per person no matter what?
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

<div>Ooh, good question. This makes this even more potentially disastrous. </div>

MsYeck

I wanna know what magical bowling alley and food this is? When I planned an event at a bowling alley I rented the whole dang thing and provided pizza and beer for under $15 a person.

McRogol

I've only been to 1 bachelorette party and I was told how much to pay in order to cover group things, and which things would be paid for individually.  To be honest, the whole thing rubbed me and my friends the wrong way but since the Bride was a dear friend, we let it go for the sake of getting along with her FSILs who were "throwing" the party.  

So, I think if the decision has been made to do X, you're on the hook unless others offer to contribute.  If you ask everyone what they would like to do, I think you may have more ground to stand on in that its a collective decision.

NOLAbridealmost

Every single bachelorette party I've been to has been "every man for himself" and everyone chips in for the guest of honor's portion. If the party is a specific activity, it's acceptable to invite people either via word of mouth, email, whatever and say the price per person is X. RSVP by X date. As the organizer of the party, prepare to cover the difference if not enough people agree to come. That said, I would try to only do set prices per person for things like limos, event passes, admission tickets, etc. and let people keep their own food and beverage cost down by opting for something other than a set buffet or bar. I might not mind 20 bucks to contribute towards the bowling lanes, but would rather drink $1 beers all night and eat before going out than pay $65 for the buffet and drinks too. KWIM? Also, by having a set buffet you are crossing the line from "organizing" a group activity and letting people know the group rate for the bowling and entering into "hosting" an event....hosted events are paid by the hosts, not the guests.

stumpie3

I think it's fine to ask people to pay for the bowling.  if it wasn't a b party and you asked me to go bowling with a group of people, I would expect to pay for the games I wanted to play and shoe rental.  and if I didn't want to go bowling I would decline the invite.  I think the tricky part is the food.  asking to pay a flat rate for something I may or may not like or may not even want to eat, is not right.  if the bowling cost could be this and food cost this, then that's fine. 

I guess I don't look at b parties as anything other than a girls night out in which I would pay for what I do and eat. 

KatWAG

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joint-bachelorbachelorette-party-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fd680fd-41a0-48e7-84ac-0b2e4459d1a7Post:08f9b40d-e1b0-4546-8631-e0e6e9073b9e">Joint bachelor/bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the MOH in my friends wedding. They are having a joint bowling bachelor/bachelorette party. We are going to rent lanes and have buffet style food served. There will be about 25-35 people coming to the celebration. I have to send out invites because I do not have every invitees # or email address so i cant do the invites informally. Since this is going to be preplanned and has to be paid before the night of the party, how do i word on the invite that everyone has to chip in $65. I know these parties are usually paid for by all the attendees but I do not know how to word this on the invite with out sounded crude.  Thanks
Posted by BriarRose83[/QUOTE]

Did all 25-35 people agree to co host the party with you? It doesnt sound like it. What if more or less people show up? How will you be adjusting the overall price?</div>

nicoleandersonmd

I agree with PPs about this being very strange. Honestly, $65 per person seems like a RIDICULOUS amount to demand for each person. Does this include an open bar? If not, and they pay for their own drinks, this is even more outlandish. I generally spend a couple hundred on a B-party, but thats of my own accord and choice.I would be very unlikely to go if I was charged a "cover" to go to a B-party, ESPECIALLY over a few bucks. A friend once "threw" a baby shower for another friend, invited everyone. Then, when everyone accepted, informed all of us that we all owed her $20 each for the cake, decorations and games/prizes. Everyone was pretty pissed and grumbling about it. Of note, the "professional" cake was disgusting: Lemon and Strawberry cake with Coconut filling?!?!) I think the only time it is appropriate for everyone to "pitch in" a set amount towards something is when an activity, including pricing, has been discussed with everyone going to the event, everyone conjointly decides they all want to do that thing, and together alldecide to spend the money and split the cost.