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Wedding Etiquette Forum
TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!
Who would've guessed that just about everyone we sent an invite to for my daughter's wedding reception would RSVP?!?!? We are well over the allowed number of guests for the venue we're using. Like over 75ppl! Although we didn't state on the invites it was an adult only reception it was implied by stating the invites were to Mr & Mrs. Taking children off the list eliminates 40 ppl. bringing us back down to a reasonable range. What do we do and what's the proper way to do it? We can not afford to lose our deposit for a bigger venue, more food, etc.
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Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!
If they push back, tell them that it is a venue capacity issue due to fire codes (the truth); if they continue to push and say they won't be able to come, respond with a polite, I'm sorry, you'll be missed.
End of story.
This is why you really shouldn't over invite, especially by that much.
Call the parents and explain that only the adults were invited, then find a bigger venue. That's your only option. You cannot uninvited people.
Eta: or talk to the venue and see if they have a larger space.
Anyway, if the invitations were addressed to "Mr. and Mrs." only, you can call up anyone who wrote in their children on the RSVP and tell them that unfortunately you were only able to extend this invitation to the couple and not their kids. If they say they cannot attend without the kids, tell them they will be missed. But besides addressing the uninvited "write-ins" there is nothing you can do about being over your limit. You will have to find a way to host everyone who accepted your invitation.
Start calling people that their kids were not invited. Although that still makes you 35 over.
If they can't do anything, start looking for good deals on other places, also immediately. You invited these people. You are now stuck with them. If you ever plan a wedding again, plan on 100% attendence and budget for that.
You are, however, completely within your rights to call parents and tell them their children are not invited. Personally, I would site budget issues rather than space, because, if you do end up at a larger room/venue, some parents might be PO'ed that you actually did have plenty of room. Hopefully some parents will then decline completely but, frankly, I don't think you're going to get 35 people to back out by doing that, so you're still going to need to figure out a way to accomodate more guests.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!! : Not true. Kids are like adults, you can invite some and not others, although inviting one sibling but not another, or <strong>all neices except the one with the chronically runny nose and drooly mouth</strong> typically doesn't go over well.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
This made me chuckle.
RSVP Deadline: 4/6/13
4/26/13 March Siggy Challenge: Bridesmaid Dresses
This post should be a sticky at the top of this page so we can refer to it when we often have to warn other couples NOT to overinvite. Everyone is convinced that only 70-80% of their guests will say yes, but this crap happens all the time.
Go with PPs advice. Call the familes who rsvp'd for their kids and explain the misunderstanding, and you will not be able to accomodate their children. Then, call the venue and see how they can help try to work with you to accomodate your guests. Can you not have dancing, get rid of the dance floor and put more tables/chairs on the dance floor area? Not ideal, but this is a mess you created and now somehow, you have to fix it.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!
RSVP Deadline: 4/6/13
4/26/13 March Siggy Challenge: Bridesmaid Dresses
[QUOTE]]We can not afford to lose our deposit for a bigger venue, more food, etc.
Posted by amaphis[/QUOTE]
You should have only invited the guests you could afford to accommodate and feed in the first place.
Is there any way at the venue that you could expand your space? Smaller dance floor, additional room(s) (some venues have moveable room dividers), etc?
<div>
</div><div>There's no polite way to uninvite guests. Aside from the children who were not invited, you're going to have to find a way to host the additional 45+ guests. </div>
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!! : I'm guessing the same ones that gamble and play lotto. In other words, the ones bad at math.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
Not everybody who likes to gamble or play the lotto are bad at math.
Try to work with your venue or bite the bullet and find a new venue.
[QUOTE]A friend of mine was invited to her cousin's wedding. When she RSVP'd that she and hubby would be attending, cousin sent her a note saying, "sorry but we have reached capacity at our venue. We hope you can come to the ceremony, and there is a nice restaurant done the street from the reception where you can have dinner (that my friend would get to pay for).' You could try this tactic, but I don't advise it. Try to work with your venue or bite the bullet and find a new venue.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]
This is the stuff decades-long family feuds are made of.
In this instance, if you have adults RSVPing yes for uninvited kids or other guests, you can call them and tell them that only those listed on the envelope were invited and no other guests, kids or otherwise, can be accommodated, and prepare for pushback. Some people refuse to accept that they can't bring whomever they want, whether that's a date, their kids, or whomever.
[QUOTE]A friend of mine was invited to her cousin's wedding. When she RSVP'd that she and hubby would be attending, cousin sent her a note saying, "sorry but we have reached capacity at our venue. We hope you can come to the ceremony, and there is a nice restaurant done the street from the reception where you can have dinner (that my friend would get to pay for).' You could try this tactic, but I don't advise it. Try to work with your venue or bite the bullet and find a new venue.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]
WOW that is one of the tackiest things I've ever heard...
[QUOTE]A friend of mine was invited to her cousin's wedding. When she RSVP'd that she and hubby would be attending, cousin sent her a note saying, "sorry but we have reached capacity at our venue. We hope you can come to the ceremony, and there is a nice restaurant done the street from the reception where you can have dinner (that my friend would get to pay for).' You could try this tactic, but I don't advise it. Try to work with your venue or bite the bullet and find a new venue.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]
So she was invited, but then couldnt go because there wasnt enough room?! WTF?! What kind of person does this? So rude. I dont know why people always think "well, not everybody is going to show up." Never invite more than your venue can hold, or more than you budgeted for. I dont even understand what the logic behind this was?! Can someone please explain to me why someone thinks that "over inviting" is an okay thing?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!! : So she was invited, but then couldnt go because there wasnt enough room?! WTF?! What kind of person does this? So rude. I dont know why people always think "well, not everybody is going to show up." Never invite more than your venue can hold, or more than you budgeted for. I dont even understand what the logic behind this was?! <strong>Can someone please explain to me why someone thinks that "over inviting" is an okay thing?
</strong>Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]
The non-cynical portion of my brain says it's because they want to see a venue filled with family and friends sharing their joy-
The cynical portion (which is, by far, the larger portion) says that they hope that those that decline will still feel like they should send a gift- so they will get more presents.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!! : The non-cynical portion of my brain says it's because they want to see a venue filled with family and friends sharing their joy- <strong>T</strong>he cynical portion (which is, by far, the larger portion) says that they hope that those that decline will still feel like they should send a gift- so they will get more presents.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]
I know they probably just wanted to see everybody there, but if thats the case, she shouldve got a bigger venue to hold all these people. I am siding with your cynical portion.
Congrats on the love you have in your family and friends - although it's a strain, it's also a pretty cool showing of how much people want to be with you.
I agree w/ previous folks who have said a phone call can clear up a lot of the confusion. I'm sure most people will be fine with it, they get sitters for the movies, they can do it for a wedding!!
enjoy
Congrats on the love you have in your family and friends - although it's a strain, it's also a pretty cool showing of how much people want to be with you.
I agree w/ previous folks who have said a phone call can clear up a lot of the confusion. I'm sure most people will be fine with it, they get sitters for the movies, they can do it for a wedding!!
enjoy
The first line in OPs post says "who would have guessed!?" The answer to that is, all of us would have guessed. Hence, the reason a lot of people replied by saying that we would have told her what a huge mistake her tactic was.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/