Etiquette

Picking a Date

FI and I are looking at dates and we originally were going with a Friday...but now I'm second guessing myself...due to the hassle of travel and whatnot for friends/family.

So -- the simple answer is to push it back to that Saturday, but I just realized, that's the date of my best friends anniversary.  I'm OBVIOUSLY going to talk to her...she's going to be my matron of honor...but would you be offended if your friend was thinking of your anniversary?

That weekend really is the best for us, for several reasons...but I don't want to offend her, even in just asking...
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Re: Picking a Date

  • I am not married so I can't speak from the perspective of a married woman, but I would not be offended. Its not like your anniversary is a national holiday that must be observed by all that crosses your path.

    BUT I would certainly talk to your friend about the date. I do not think the act of asking would be offensive, and if she is offended by you asking in order to take her feelings into account.. then she is BSC. 
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  • I would just talk to her. I don't think she would offended as long as her and her husband didn't have something special or a trip planned. I definitely agree with Rosie.

    I also think it would be kinda cool to share the same wedding date/anniversary. You could plan for fun things in the future perhaps.
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  • I probably wouldn't get married on my Matron of Honor's wedding anniversary.  PP is correct that it isn't a national holiday, but we're not talking about the nation, we're talking about you and someone who you are obviously very close with since she's your Maid of Honor and it is probably a very special day to her and her husband.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking her how she feels, but is she the type that would say anything if it did bother her or would she just say its okay because she's your friend?

    I'd probably try to move it up or back a week or just go with the Friday as Friday weddings really aren't that uncommon now.
  • In Response to Re: Picking a Date:
    I would just talk to her. I don't think she would offended as long as her and her husband didn't have something special or a trip planned. I definitely agree with Rosie. I also think it would be kinda cool to share the same wedding date/anniversary. You could plan for fun things in the future perhaps.
    Posted by MissySue20
    LOVE that idea -- her hubby and my FI have become really good friends too...so that works out even better...well now I WANT to have the same date...lol
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  • Our wedding is the day after my FI sister, and she was pissed, but I don't know why. It was a special date for me because it would have been my grandmother's bday.
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  • I'd ask her first - I think just by asking her you save yourself a lot of drama.  She is likely to see that its cute and not rude - but I can see how somebody BSC (or maybe just a little C) would get mad if you didn't remember.

    FWIW I never remember my friend's anniversaries.
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  • In Response to Re: Picking a Date:
    I'd ask her first - I think just by asking her you save yourself a lot of drama.  She is likely to see that its cute and not rude - but I can see how somebody BSC (or maybe just a little C) would get mad if you didn't remember. FWIW I never remember my friend's anniversaries.
    Posted by andy71781
    haha -- not gonna lie -- I had to look it up!  I just knew it was close to when we were talking...didn't realize it was the exact day...
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  • I wouldnt be offended. But I can see where some one may be, just run it by her and see what she thinks. But I do have to agree with the Friday wedding, and traveling for the guests.
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  • Wouldn't bother me at all.  In fact, I think I would like it.  Even though you wouldn't be choosing it because it's my anniversary, I'd still be flattered for some reason.
  • I'm not sure if I would ask her.  I guess I would decide first if that is the day I want.  What happens if you do decide you want that date and she says she'd prefer you don't get married that day?  Woudl you move it back to Friday for her?

    anyway, my advice is to figure out what you want to do first.  Then, if you do decide you want Saturday, tell her gently and sort of say "I hope you don't mind, but we're planning to get married on X day".  But don't ask, or else you are giving her the option to say No, don't do it that day and if you end up doing it that day anwayy, you risk hurting her feelings more (because she thinks you just ignored her feelings).

    Do you know what I mean? 
  • In Response to Re: Picking a Date:
    I'm not sure if I would ask her.  I guess I would decide first if that is the day I want.  What happens if you do decide you want that date and she says she'd prefer you don't get married that day?  Woudl you move it back to Friday for her? anyway, my advice is to figure out what you want to do first.  Then, if you do decide you want Saturday, tell her gently and sort of say "I hope you don't mind, but we're planning to get married on X day".  But don't ask, or else you are giving her the option to say No, don't do it that day and if you end up doing it that day anwayy, you risk hurting her feelings more (because she thinks you just ignored her feelings). Do you know what I mean? 
    Posted by noodle_oo
    I think that this is what I would do as well.  I would let her know and be polite, but wouldn't give the option of her saying "no"

    Also, I totally wouldn't care if anyone else I know got married on the same day a year or two later. 
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  • I wouldn't care if somebody else got married on my anniversary.  It'd be nice to ask her, since she's the MOH and wouldn't really get even the night before to spend with her H, but still.  I can't fathom being upset by it. 
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  • I'd be excited if my best friend wanted to get married on my anniversary.  But I could see some people being upset by it. 

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