Engagement announcement on Christmas cards...yay or nay?

emyinpink

My mom asked if I wanted her to put my engagement on their Christmas cards this year. She always puts together a "photo letter", with captions and little paragraphs of events throughout the year (e.g., graduation, moves, vacations, etc.). 

She said she didn't want to take away from any announcements I do, and so left it up to me. I'm totally fine with her putting it on there (I send out my own Christmas cards as well, but everyone on my list already knows), but figured I'd check with you etiquette gurus to make sure I/she wasn't breaking any rules (or ya know, being horribly tacky ). Not everyone on her Christmas card list will be invited to the wedding, but it's a small friends/family thing.

ootmother2

Engagement announcements go in the newspaper if you choose.  They are never printed and mailed.

The engagement may also be announced at an engagement party.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-announcement-christmas-cardsyay-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:733caae6-f284-493e-934c-2aff7df4c36cPost:01fe2fed-e77f-476f-9971-d725074e9a65">Engagement announcement on Christmas cards...yay or nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom asked if I wanted her to put my engagement on their Christmas cards this year. She always puts together a "photo letter", with captions and little paragraphs of events throughout the year (e.g., graduation, moves, vacations, etc.).  She said she didn't want to take away from any announcements I do, and so left it up to me. I'm totally fine with her putting it on there (I send out my own Christmas cards as well, but everyone on my list already knows), but figured I'd check with you etiquette gurus to make sure I/she wasn't breaking any rules (or ya know, being horribly tacky  ). Not everyone on her Christmas card list will be invited to the wedding, but it's a small friends/family thing.
Posted by emyinpink[/QUOTE]
I think that mailing something out would imply that the receiver would be receiving an invitation later on, just as someone invited to an engagement party would expect to be invited to the wedding.

I would leave it off, and send wedding announcements after the wedding, if you really want. 

ootmother2

Is this one of those "What happened since last Christmas" sort of letter

Maybe I answered too soon because mailing engagement announcements is poor etiquette but I'm not 100% sure about just including it in a Christmas letter.

hey, my BFF wrote that her husband got a new liver and they named it "Larry"

Perhaps mentioning your engagment wouldn't be that bad after all

Night_Sprite

What Tide said.  Announcement = invitation

emyinpink

Thanks, we can leave it off. Just to clarify, it wouldn't be an announcement sent out. Just that on the letter, they'd include a little sentence, something like "We're excited to be welcoming Nick to our family next year, with a picture of us and my parents on our trip to Greece. But the worry that it would imply the receiver is invited, that's good to know. That's what I was worried about.

emyinpink

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-announcement-christmas-cardsyay-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:733caae6-f284-493e-934c-2aff7df4c36cPost:d1e6c04e-095b-4b34-95aa-16fe7a23997d">Re: Engagement announcement on Christmas cards...yay or nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this one of those "What happened since last Christmas" sort of letter Maybe I answered too soon because mailing engagement announcements is poor etiquette but I'm not 100% sure about just including it in a Christmas letter. hey, my BFF wrote that her husband got a new liver and they named it "Larry" Perhaps mentioning your engagment wouldn't be that bad after all ;)
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

<div>Yea, OOT, this is exactly it :). I definitely wouldn't be sending out separate announcements. </div>

ootmother2

hmm, I'll bow to the other ladies as I now have a bit of a hangup about Christmas letters.

poor Larry

tidetravel

I still think it would come off a little, erm, haughty?  Like, "Hey great Aunt Sally - Look!  Emy and Emy's FI are engaged! Oh, but you're not invited" 

Anyone getting the letter and interested in attending the wedding would be prompted to inquire about more details, in which case, they would either have to be told then that they weren't actually invited, or they would be given a bunch of details, and you may be under pressure to invite them later because they REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go. 

The  people that REALLY need to know about the engagement already know anyway.

  

emyinpink

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-announcement-christmas-cardsyay-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:733caae6-f284-493e-934c-2aff7df4c36cPost:2c544709-3d33-4a1d-8ffa-e051bb832fcb">Re: Engagement announcement on Christmas cards...yay or nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]I still think it would come off a little, erm, haughty?  Like, "Hey great Aunt Sally - Look!  Emy and Emy's FI are engaged! Oh, but you're not invited"  Anyone getting the letter and interested in attending the wedding would be prompted to inquire about more details, in which case, they would either have to be told then that they weren't actually invited, or they would be given a bunch of details, and you may be under pressure to invite them later because they REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go.  The  people that REALLY need to know about the engagement already know anyway.   
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is exactly what I needed to hear, thanks :). That would definitely be an awkward phone call for my parents to have to deal with. 

</div>

sister2groom

If it's actually a letter that details what you and your family have been up to, wouldn't be a little odd NOT to mention your engagement? But maybe I'm biased because I've read too many letters that are scraping the bottom of the family news barrel (do people really need to know that Sally got through the first year of middle school with straight A's). I mean I think it's perfectly legitimate not to include it, but if I recieved an annual update letter that mentioned an engagement I wouldn't assume I was invited.

Manwaithiel

My family does these letters and it would be WEIRD not to include an engagement in there. I don't think it's haughty. If you're just saying "Manwa and Manwa's boyfriend just got engaged last month and we're really excited." Hey, it keeps the family informed, otherwise they find out through FB (ugh) and get pissy.

emyinpink

Heh, Manwa, some of my and his extended family definitely found out via facebook (parts of our families are not that close). Luckily they weren't annoyed (or at least, no one complained, although in wedding land normally people don't seem to complain to your face)

ivyrose13

FWIW, as long as it's not a formal engagement announcement, I don't think it hurts to put a little blurb in a family letter that says "our daughter is engaged, and we are excited" or something along those lines. Not everyone that hears about an engagement automatically assumes that they are invited, and if I was close enough to the parents to receive a Christmas card and I was not told that their daughter was engaged, I would feel as though the information was being kept secret from me, and that is rude. 

Summer2011Bride

I disagree with many posters. I think in the circumstance you described, you should include it. We receive many of those letters detailing what has transpired in the past year. I have read about many an engagement to weddings I'm not invited to nor that I'm expecting to be invited to. I guess it depends on how you think the people receiving it will take it. For instance, if you are are sending it to all your cousins and there is ONE cousin only who is not invited, that may be awkward. But otherwise, I think it would be weird NOT to mention an engagement in the family as that is a huge deal!

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-announcement-christmas-cardsyay-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:733caae6-f284-493e-934c-2aff7df4c36cPost:72aced72-8368-45b9-ac44-57e9a0f11bdf">Re: Engagement announcement on Christmas cards...yay or nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Heh, Manwa, some of my and his extended family definitely found out via facebook (parts of our families are not that close). Luckily they weren't annoyed :) (or at least, no one complained, although in wedding land normally people don't seem to complain to your face)
Posted by emyinpink[/QUOTE]

Ha, we were on the phone for a good 13 hours calling everyone and we STILL managed to miss a good friend who found out through FB when we put it on there. She was not very happy. It was FI's friend and he felt pretty terrible about it. Sometimes, I hate FB.

CvilleClaire

I wrote our Christmas newsletter last night and I put our engagement in there.  I always write an update about our jobs, what the dog is up to (he's a local celebrity, so he's always doing something cool), our service work, etc.

Putting together our Christmas card list this year was our first step in making up our guest list.  So, the only people getting the newsletter are people who will eventually get an invitation (family and close friends).

We we got engaged, I didn't call everyone under the sun...I called my close relatives and we used Facebook to spread the word to our friends.  The mention we made in the letter will cover anyone who we missed. 

Kate61487

yeah I'm leaning towards the later half of the posts here - I would definitely include it.  I mean, your parents friends wouldn't assume they'd be invited to your graduation or some other life event mentioned in the card.  I agree with Jessica - I'd find it weird to receive a card summing up all the 'important events' of 2010 and to not see your engagement on there.  Just my two cents.

Meaghann17

another option is maybe include the photo, and underneath it have it say "we had a trip to greece with emy and her fiance"

Michellerose613

I agree that if this is one of those letters that tells what the family has been up to, it would be wierd not to include it.  Just because that letter mentions the Dad hit the big 5-0, not everyone assumes they will be invited to his 50th bday party, same with graduations, etc.  I think just one line about how the family is excited that you two got engaged would be nice and I think expected in this sort of letter.  If you mention that you took a trip to Greece, then it is certainly worth mentioning that you are embarking in a lifelong commitment and adding a family member.  Totally apropriate.  I am sending my save the dates out this week, and slipping a little card in the envelope that says Happy Holidays, nothing wrong with killing 2 birds with one stone.

soprano19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-announcement-christmas-cardsyay-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:733caae6-f284-493e-934c-2aff7df4c36cPost:5451bd08-866c-426f-aa88-bbf80ee83bea">Re: Engagement announcement on Christmas cards...yay or nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]If it's actually a letter that details what you and your family have been up to, wouldn't be a little odd NOT to mention your engagement? But maybe I'm biased because I've read too many letters that are scraping the bottom of the family news barrel (do people really need to know that Sally got through the first year of middle school with straight A's). I mean I think it's perfectly legitimate not to include it, but if I recieved an annual update letter that mentioned an engagement I wouldn't assume I was invited.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm going to agree with this.</div>