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Awkward no kids ruling

premedchickpremedchick
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi!

So we're planning an adults-only wedding (sorry but we just CAN'T have kids there). The only problem is that the groom's sister is the flower girl and she will be 16 by our wedding date. Will my guests be mad about this and how do I overcome that? And how can I word my invites to let people know it's adults only?

Thanks so much for any help!
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Re: Awkward no kids ruling

  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    Having a 16 year old flower girl is ridiculous. 
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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I wouldn't consider 16 to be a child.  I would, however, consider it too old to be a flower girl.
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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:67799c6e-eabe-48cf-b24b-de46c12d01d5">Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi! So we're planning an adults-only wedding (sorry but we just CAN'T have kids there). The only problem is that the groom's sister is the flower girl and she will be 16 by our wedding date. Will my guests be mad about this and how do I overcome that? And how can I word my invites to let people know it's adults only? Thanks so much for any help!
    Posted by premedchick[/QUOTE]

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  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    Agree with all of the above.  A 16 year old should be a bridesmaid, not a flower girl. 
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:f403dcf3-84b3-4947-88cf-11ee3eeff69c">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]Having a 16 year old flower girl is ridiculous. 
    Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

    Pretend I said this. It's too old to even be a "junior" bridesmaid.

    And 16 is WAY different than 4. Not having toddlers is one thing. Maybe make your cut-off age 16.
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  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker

    A 16-yr old flower girl?  Has she actually agreed to this?  16-yr olds are old enough to be bridesmaids.

    To answer your question, when you send the invitation only list the adults (MR. & Mrs. Smith).  If they respond with their children, call them up and say that only Mr. & Mrs. were invited and that you hope they will still be able to attend.  Do NOT put Adults Only anywhere on your invitation, as that is considered to be rude.  As a guest I wouldn't give a side-eye to a 16 year old at an adults-only reception, but I would give a side eye to an 8 year old, but since the child in question is family I wouldn't think anything of it.

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  • georgia_bride09georgia_bride09 member
    5000 Comments
    Maybe she meant 6? One can only hope.
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  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Let's say she did mean 6... I think that wedding party members are one of the 2 exceptions to the no-kids rule.
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  • lharri12lharri12 member
    500 Comments
    Agree that 16 is pretty old for a flower girl, but do what you want.
    With regards to the adults only wedding, you let them know by not including the kids' names on the invitations.  If they add their kids onto the RSVP, just call them and politely tell them that because of budget and/or space constraints (or whatever your reason is), you couldn't afford or didn't have space for kids.  And yes, some guests might be mad that they cannot bring their kids, and if it really bothers them, they won't come to the wedding.  You overcome their anger by telling yourself, "we decided to not invite kids, so we have to deal with the consequences."  Consider hiring a babysitter or two to watch your guests' children.
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    The groom's 16 year old sister doesn't count as a "child," and even if she did, an exception for immediate family is acceptable. 

    Please don't have her as a flower girl unless she really, really wants that role. 
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  • premedchickpremedchick
    10 Comments
    Hi!

    Yes yes yes! She will be 16 not 6 and asked me if she could be the flower girl. I wasn't going to have one since we don't know any little kids. She doesn't want to be a bridesmaid or even a junior bridesmaid! She's not going to have a silly little girl dress or anything. It will be the same color as the bridesmaids but different design. So hopefully it will look like just a bm scattering flowers about!
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    She sounds like she has an overdeveloped whimsy gland.
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  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:6b4538ef-2855-4b78-8518-31315b636640">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi! Yes yes yes! She will be 16 not 6 and asked me if she could be the flower girl. I wasn't going to have one since we don't know any little kids. She doesn't want to be a bridesmaid or even a junior bridesmaid! She's not going to have a silly little girl dress or anything. It will be the same color as the bridesmaids but different design. <strong>So hopefully it will look like just a bm scattering flowers about!</strong>
    Posted by premedchick[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, because that wouldn't be weird...
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  • sarah0725sarah0725
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:8c363a97-af3c-4b5d-bcac-7004cf31cf8c">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]She sounds like she has an overdeveloped whimsy gland.
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

    Ha! I think I have one of those.
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:8c363a97-af3c-4b5d-bcac-7004cf31cf8c">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]She sounds like she has an overdeveloped whimsy gland.
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

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  • premedchickpremedchick
    10 Comments
    Well i dont know what else to do! She wants to do it or refuses to be in the wedding. My lovely groom is just like just let her and so is my future mil. I'm overruled.
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  • lharri12lharri12 member
    500 Comments
    Let her do it.  Who cares?
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  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I have to agree that it's odd.  I mean, she can drive if she wants and she's choosing to be a FG?  Her decision I suppose and to each her own.
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:531aa10b-aef1-4ee0-9699-c5efff2614b6">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well i dont know what else to do! She wants to do it or refuses to be in the wedding. My lovely groom is just like just let her and so is my future mil. I'm overruled.
    Posted by premedchick[/QUOTE]

    It's okay - just let her do it.  Some folks might think it's a little goofy, others will think it's charming.  No harm, really.  If your fi is on board with the idea and it will make life happy for your inlaws, then go with the flow. 
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  • MISSCOURTNEY20MISSCOURTNEY20 member
    1000 Comments
    A 16 year old flower girl is strange. And your FMIL agress to this? Is she "special'. Does she have to be in the wedding? I can't see my 16 year old goddaughter wanting to do this. Wierd....
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
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  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:0064194f-952a-4e41-9f42-ca81c840096d">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]A 16 year old flower girl is strange. And your FMIL agress to this?<strong> Is she "special'. </strong>Does she have to be in the wedding? I can't see my 16 year old goddaughter wanting to do this. Wierd....
    Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

    I hope you're not asking what I think you're asking...
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    Meh...whatever she wants to do.
    I agree with PP saying that an exception can be made for her at the reception. Both because she is actually a part of the wedding ceremony and also because she's immediate family of the groom. 
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:1017d7a1-6fe4-4648-9d3e-88d776be17d9">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward no kids ruling : I hope you're not asking what I think you're asking...
    Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

    I'm pretty sure she is, but just to clarify:  Misscourtney, are you asking if the groom's sister is mentally retarded?  What difference would it make if she were?   People with mental retardation are not children in big bodies - one would think a teacher would know this. 
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  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:1017d7a1-6fe4-4648-9d3e-88d776be17d9">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward no kids ruling : I hope you're not asking what I think you're asking...
    Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]


    was wondering the same thing

    BTW, everytime you post, I start to hum Waltzing Matilda =-)
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:0064194f-952a-4e41-9f42-ca81c840096d">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]A 16 year old flower girl is strange. And your FMIL agress to this? Is she "special'. Does she have to be in the wedding? I can't see my 16 year old goddaughter wanting to do this. Wierd....
    Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

    <div>So just because your 16 year old goddaughter wouldn't want to do this, it means that the OP's FSIL is mentally challenged?</div><div>
    </div><div>Wow...</div>
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  • premedchickpremedchick
    10 Comments
    No, she's not special. My groom and my FMIL would really really like her in the wedding (so YES).

    Umm, she's short, adorable, chubby, and super super shy so I was really surprised when she piped up and asked me to be flowergirl! I was planning her to be a bridesmaid.

    Oh! And my groom just said that she (his sister) is conspiring to get her cousin Zach to be ringbearer. Zach will be 17 I believe. Apparently nothing tradtional will be occuring at my wedding.
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  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:4c7ac44a-d727-4cf8-91c1-a448f171971b">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward no kids ruling : was wondering the same thing BTW, everytime you post, I start to hum Waltzing Matilda =-)
    Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

    I hum it all the time, too. Hope it doesn't get old and annoying for you!
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  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:d9564943-c9cb-4721-88d0-045020ff6d27">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward no kids ruling : I hum it all the time, too. Hope it doesn't get old and annoying for you!
    Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

    Nope.  Pleasant memories of an int'l musical festival actually.
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:f840cd20-3b5d-4eba-86aa-a0ccf16c982d">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]And my groom just said that she (his sister) is conspiring to get her cousin Zach to be ringbearer. Zach will be 17 I believe. Apparently nothing tradtional will be occuring at my wedding.
    Posted by premedchick[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm starting to think you're lying. </div>
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  • premedchickpremedchick
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-kids-ruling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73537e84-931c-42c1-820c-656b42b4195fPost:9394e8ef-f9bf-49f9-a5a0-d13273b5bedb">Re: Awkward no kids ruling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward no kids ruling : I'm starting to think you're lying. 
    Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

    Nope. Sorry.

    I think she just wants Zach to walk with her.
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