Trimming the potential guest list

turtledove24

even though our wedding is not for another year, My Fi and I sat down the other night and made a prelim list of who we would like to invite to the wedding. I have maybe 50 family members and close friends I would want to invite; where as he has 300 family members alone. Our budget can not afford that many and we agreed to 110 guest list. He agreed to trimming and inviting family members he has seen within the past 4 years, not including his father's funeral.
FMIL has noted several times that some family members might feel left out or forgotten if we do not invite them. Fi and I disagree with her, honestly I would like to invite people I have met before our wedding day.

Side note, she is not paying a dime for this wedding, since she is saving for her own wedding. Can you believe it a newly widow and already getting married this winter, blows my mind! Sorry, for the vent session.

aragx6

A. Most everyone has to make cuts; it's hard, but something that must be done. If FMIL isn't helping to pay, then she doesn't get a say in the guest list.

B. You sounds unbelievably judgmental about his mom remarrying. Good for her for finding happiness.

Sephiroth

If she's not paying for it, then she has no say in your guest list, clearly. It sounds like you and your fiance are sorting through the list in a rational way.

However, I would encourage you not to judge her speed at getting remarried. Without a lot more information, I think it's none of your business how quickly she reattaches to someone after the death of her spouse, how she grieves, etc.

pokepoke27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trimming-the-potential-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73b9ed93-87d2-4ae0-8469-ef884d7f0c94Post:bd835b60-93bc-42c6-99fb-93693791d993">Trimming the potential guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]even though our wedding is not for another year, My Fi and I sat down the other night and made a prelim list of who we would like to invite to the wedding. I have maybe 50 family members and close friends I would want to invite; where as he has 300 family members alone. Our budget can not afford that many and we agreed to 110 guest list. He agreed to trimming and inviting family members he has seen within the past 4 years, not including his father's funeral. FMIL has noted several times that some family members might feel left out or forgotten if we do not invite them. Fi and I disagree with her, honestly I would like to invite people I have met before our wedding day. Side note, she is not paying a dime for this wedding, since she is saving for her own wedding. Can you believe it a newly widow and already getting married this winter, blows my mind! Sorry, for the vent session.
Posted by turtledove24[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't know anyone that hasn't had to make cuts on their guest list. Let FI make the decisions on his side - he knows who he wants there and who he doesn't. </div><div>
</div><div>Also - don't judge your FMIL on the speed in which she found someone else. You don't know all of the facts regarding her personal feelings, nor is she in any way obligated to fill you in. You should just be happy for her. </div>

goobersinlove

That blows my mind that someone has 300 legitimate, blood-related family members.  And let's say, for arguments sake that it's only 150 family members and they're ALL married. That's still incomprehensible to me.

Anyway, I'm on your side about not inviting most of the family members - particularly those who you haven't seen/spoken to in many years, let alone never met before.  And when deciding on a guest list - try to think less about who you feel like you should invite for political reasons and more about which family members you actually want there because you are closer to them. See Aunt Betsy every Thanksgiving and generally stay in touch? Invite her (and obviously her SO if she has one).  Haven't seen or heard from Uncle Bob since some funeral in 2004? Don't invite him, he's not going to miss anything.  Think about who you see around Christmas time.  Does all that make sense? As far as your FMIL, definitley don't let her manipulate you into funding a family reunion.

Agree with PP's - try not to judge her, and definitely keep that opinion to yourself.

turtledove24

Thank you all for the help and clarification. And you ladies are right, I am being somewhat judgmental about the situation with my FMIL. I just know it is hard on my Fi and his sister to see this happen, but she is happy and that is what counts. As the saying goes "the sooner the widow marries the better the first marriage was"

jaciforsman

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trimming-the-potential-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73b9ed93-87d2-4ae0-8469-ef884d7f0c94Post:f525f964-6a6a-4b51-9e09-4901ba5e00a0">Re: Trimming the potential guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Trimming the potential guest list : I don't know anyone that hasn't had to make cuts on their guest list. Let FI make the decisions on his side - he knows who he wants there and who he doesn't.  Also - don't judge your FMIL on the speed in which she found someone else. You don't know all of the facts regarding her personal feelings, nor is she in any way obligated to fill you in. You should just be happy for her. 
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

My mom is the youngest of 15, FI's step dad is youngest of 11... so just aunts and uncles, house gets crowded for holidays :) Wouldn't trade it for the world tho :)

laurenoliveira23

i have a huge family like your fiance and my fiance has a really small family

to put it this way - my cousin is having 500 people at her wedding - my fiance has never been to a wedding LOL

so anyway we decided that if we wouldnt call them up to chat or see them regularily .. or in my families case ... know their name haha then they arent invited

luckily we were able to cut the list down 68 from my side , 17 from his
 but im going to be pissing some people off for sure - cant get around it

bonge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trimming-the-potential-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73b9ed93-87d2-4ae0-8469-ef884d7f0c94Post:32592c7a-d3c5-460e-ad36-3e7cdf076c92">Re: Trimming the potential guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]That blows my mind that someone has 300 legitimate, blood-related family members.  And let's say, for arguments sake that it's only <strong>150 family members</strong> and they're ALL married. That's still incomprehensible to me. Anyway, I'm on your side about not inviting most of the family members - particularly those who you haven't seen/spoken to in many years, let alone never met before.  And when deciding on a guest list - try to think less about who you feel like you should invite for political reasons and more about which family members you actually want there because you are closer to them. See Aunt Betsy every Thanksgiving and generally stay in touch? Invite her (and obviously her SO if she has one).  Haven't seen or heard from Uncle Bob since some funeral in 2004? Don't invite him, he's not going to miss anything.  Think about who you see around Christmas time.  Does all that make sense? As far as your FMIL, definitley don't let her manipulate you into funding a family reunion. Agree with PP's - try not to judge her, and definitely keep that opinion to yourself.
Posted by goobersinlove[/QUOTE]

Families can be that large. I have 40 just in my town, just on one side. 2 dozen on the other in the area. Over 300 both sides with spouses & children easy. Our reunions for only 1 of 4 family names gets over 100 each time.