Bridal Shower if no reception?

kmartinisi

We are having a destination wedding in 2012 and wanted to come back and have a reception for our friends. I am coming to find out that the destination wedding that I want will be pricey so my fiance suggested that we not have a reception. I told him that I wouldn't have a bridal shower if we didn't have a reception because I didn't think it was right for people to give me gifts when they are not going to be included in any of the festivities. He said he didn't see a problem with it.

What do you think? Can I have a bridal shower and no reception?

lyndausvi

I would not have a shower if I was not having a reception.  I guess if my family insisted on one anyway, then that would be okay. 

 I certain would not have a reception just to get a shower.

bmoruzzi

You can have a shower if all the people invited are also invited to the dw.

LuluP82

You can only invite people to a shower if they're invited to the wedding itself. So, you can have a shower if you're not eloping, you just have to confine the list to those invited to your DW.

I'm not sure what the etiquette is for AHR. I'd think that, if you're inviting everyone to the wedding, then you can have a shower-- they don't have to RSVP yes or attend the wedding itself. Usually, people throw receptions after a DW to celebrate with those invited to the actual wedding but who couldn't make it due to distance/cost. I don't think it's proper to have a reception for those you didn't invite to the wedding in the first place, but others can correct me if I'm wrong on that one.

You shouldn't be planning a shower anyway...wait for someone to offer to throw you one, if they don't, then you don't have a shower at all.

ivyrose13

ditto pp, anyone invited to the shower must also be invited to your wedding.

AdeleDazeem

We had a teeny destination wedding (10 people).

We're having a larger AHR (~120 people).

I had a teeny shower with five people, all but one of whom was invited to the destination wedding. 

I was not comfortable having a large shower with people invited only to the AHR.

Brandiewine11

You can have a shower if you want, but you have to invite all those invited to the shower to your wedding. The same rule applies to the reception if you have one - the reception should only be for people invited to your wedding and couldn't make it. If you just invite them to a reception or shower, but not the wedding, it's rude and looks like you are only inviting them for any potential gifts they give you.

kmartinisi

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate the replies. So much stuff to think of!

courtney1188

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:749ca9c9-25a1-4a5f-8569-f8c71b20e3d2Post:c4df1620-1a57-4d30-81b9-2ceb6f8b1412">Bridal Shower if no reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a destination wedding in 2012 and wanted to come back and have a reception for our friends. I am coming to find out that the destination wedding that I want will be pricey so my fiance suggested that we not have a reception. I told him that I wouldn't have a bridal shower if we didn't have a reception because I didn't think it was right for people to give me gifts when they are not going to be included in any of the festivities. <strong>He said he didn't see a problem with it</strong>. What do you think? Can I have a bridal shower and no reception?
Posted by kmartinisi[/QUOTE]

Your guests will see a problem with it, don't do it!

amys325

I went through a similar situation.  DW but did have an AHR afterwards.  Didn't think I was going to have a shower (because even with the AHR, I didn't feel comfortable inviting anyone but the guests invited to the DW), but then my best friend's mom offered to throw me one and she wasn't even invited to the DW (and she knew that well in advance of asking to throw me the shower). 

In the end the guest list was mainly my friends/family that were invited to the DW and then my mom and my bff's moms decided they wanted to come to and invited a few of their lady friends. 

I felt bad that they came and bought me gifts, but I had no part in inviting them since I knew they weren't invited to the DW.  It was a casual and short party and my bachelorette party was afterwards.  No hard feelings because they chose to come.

It's tough though....having a DW is not easy.