Should I be offended?

tjah

The day we got engaged, my fiance was talking with his mom on the phone, and told her about how my dad wanted to take us and our parents out to a nice dinner to celebrate. He told me about the conversation after and mentioned that she jokingly said it would give her a chance to ask how many goats, chickens, cows, etc. she would be getting from my dad to accept me into the family (just fyi neither of us are of a culture or religion that has practiced dowries in anything resembling recent history).

I mentioned I was unimpressed she would joke that way given he's offered to take her to a nice dinner, as well completely shocked us by saying he would be paying for most of the wedding. My fiance pointed out she didn't know he'd offered to pay for the wedding, and she was just excited and joking around.

The next day we went to dinner at her house, and she repeated the joke several times, including after we told her he offered to pay for such a large part of the wedding.

I'm mildly annoyed that she's implying it's such a burden to her to accept me into the family, but given that her behaviour has always been very welcoming, I'm not too bothered by that. I'm mostly offended because I feel it's disrespectful to my parents. I also wonder whether or not she does think she's being very clever and plans to say something along these lines at dinner. My parents are pretty easy going, but i still don't think it's appropriate, and I don't want them to be offended or her to embarass herself, especially since they've only met once before.

Am I overreacting? Should I say something, ask my fiance to talk to her, or just ignore it, no matter how many times she repeats it? (knowing her, she will)

krizzo17

I'm going to ditto AATB. If you have to figure out whether or not you should be offended, chances are you shouldn't.

Next time she asks, start listing off an imaginary dowry with a straight face...

MattsPenguin

I think that she's just joking.  And like AATB, it's probably the only joke that she knows.  My dad repeats his jokes all the time to different people.  I would try not to be offended.

But since you are, your FI should tell her that you don't appreciate the joke.

redheadfsu

If she has always been nice to you, then it is a joke. Let it go. She is just making a stupid joke. I bet your parents will laugh if she brings it up or the conversation will go...

Her: "How many chickens are you giving us for her?"
Him: "About 100 or so chicken dinners to be eaten at the wedding"
::laughter::

specialk84

I don't think she meant any harm. My H and father had a joke like this going for our entire engagement. We even had our RD at a dairy farm, which had lots of goats.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I think initially, what she said is kinda funny.  I think she was joking around, no big deal.

The fact that she keeps saying it is really annoying, for sure.  Maybe it's the only joke she knows.

divadancer11

I would let your FI handle his family!!!!! But if it bothers you then something should be said by him....especially if you are all to be going out to dinner and she has made those comments quite a few times.

dumdumfroggie

I wouldn't be offended by that.  She probably thought it was funny the first time she said it and just keeps repeating it.

If it bothers you however, I'd probably have your FI mention it to her.

Rosie109

I think you should save your offense for when she grows to hate you.

Mrs.B6302007

I see TK is being stupid again w/ time stamps

J&K10910

If you're annoyed, have your FI ask her nicely to stop.  I don't really get why that's so difficult.

mollyehren

I think she was just joking too. I would be thrilled if that was the extent of my FMIL issues

becky659

My dad always jokes that my FFIL (who is a farmer) needs to negotiate the number of cows he's going to give for me, and that it should be a healthy number because I'm a good cook! It doesn't bother me because he works in Africa where it's perfectly normal to put forth a symbolic animal offering where he is.
I do get that repeating it would be annoying. My FFIL tends to do the same thing and I just tune him out if it gets too bad.

tjah

Thanks everyone for the input, kinda funny to hear so many other people have had similar jokes made

RaptorSLH

When we found out my parents planned to give each daughter a substantial cash wedding gift, FI called it my dowry.  We've jokingly called it my dowry ever since.  We find it funny; you apparently would not.  That's NBD - good humor depends on the audience, and taste is personal.

Have you asked her politely to drop that joke?  If not, she probably has no idea that particualar gag is falling flat, and you have no reason to be upset.  If you do ask, and she keeps making the same joke, you may then move to "mildly annoyed."  As long as this is her only sin, that's about as much anger as can be justified.

TiffannieF

Sounds like my MIL and my aunt...I never take them serious

rebarobert2012

I agree that what she said is tasteless, but I'm sure that she didn't mean any harm.  I think that you have every right to be offended, but I would just ignore it and let it go.

My FFIL makes really offensive, tasteless jokes pretty much every time he sees me.  I used to get really upset or angry, but I've learned that if he doesn't get a reaction out of me, he will just quit (for the time being, at least).  I'm not saying that your FMIL is like this, but usually when people don't get a reaction, they will stop.