Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest list

My soon to be MIL gave me a guest list of 60 people long.  I find this list financially excessive considering the cost per head, and need a polite way of letting her know to scale it down.  Any ideas?

Re: Guest list

  • Bad idea. Take her guest list as a suggestion, and if your budget doesn't cover all 60 of her people then cut down her list. 
  • What is your total for the guests?  Did you give her any idea of how many she could invite?  Maybe without guidelines, she just figured the more the merrier.
  • Don't even bring money into the picutre unless she offers to pay.  Make your guest list as YOU want it.  If you have room for more then tell her she can pick x number of people off that list to add, as there is no more space for more.  You don't have to specify if the space is physical or monetary related
  • Explain to her the cost of each person and what you figured as your budget. If it exceeds your budget, ask her to cut back on the number of guest she invited or ask her if she could help pay for her guest she invited to your wedding.
  • It really depends.  Are you and FI paying for the wedding?  Then tell her you are sorry, but you can only afford to host x amount of her guests due to your budget.  And then ask her to pair down her list. 

    It probably would have been better to say MIL, we have divided up the guest list and you can invite x amount of people.  Please give me a list at your convienence.

    If she does not offer to pay, do not ask her to pay for her "extra" guests.  The only one who has to pay for a wedding is you & your FI.  If someone offers to help pay, that is great and accept the money graciously. 

    Also, your FI should be dealing with his mother, not you.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mils-long-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:750e386b-b336-4c8d-96c7-446e8ed85d89Post:254b6074-cdc8-488c-b8aa-9518b0d738ad">MIL's long guest list HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My soon to be MIL gave me a guest list of 60 people long.  I find this list financially excessive considering the cost per head, and need a polite way of letting her know to scale it down.  Any ideas?
    Posted by Meraklu[/QUOTE]

    You should totally throw the fact that her parents paid for her 300 person wedding in her face.

    Or not.
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  • Eagles, the OP edited out her brattyness.
  • OP had orginally shared (but then edited out) that COME TO FIND OUT her MIL's wedding was paid BY HER PARENTS and they had OVER 300 GUESTS.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mils-long-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:750e386b-b336-4c8d-96c7-446e8ed85d89Post:ccdba6db-a3e6-4f70-b133-4ca7b75f445f">Re: MIL's long guest list HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Explain to her the cost of each person and what you figured as your budget. If it exceeds your budget, ask her to cut back on the number of guest she invited or ask her if she could help pay for her guest she invited to your wedding.
    Posted by leamide[/QUOTE]

    Not this.  This is crass. 

    You can have a conversation with her, in which you let her know that her input is greatly appreciated and that you would love to accommodate her entire list, yet sadly you are unable to do so.  Then let her know that her happiness is of paramount importance to you and you'd be heartbroken if you missed inviting the most important people from her list.  Ask her, then, to identify the people on her list that are the nearest and dearest, so that you do not omit them from the guestlist.
    You do not, at any time, need to bring up your budget or (shudder) ask her for money.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker White Knot
  • Some PPs have mentioned this, but I want to hammer this home: YOU should not have this discussion with FMIL. Your FI should. No matter how nice she is or how well you get along, always always always have her son talk to her about potentially awkward/difficult things!!! She will take it a lot better coming from her son, and it won't be as easy to label you the bad guy because he is showing that you two are a united front.
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