Friend/Guest list concern

Beebopalooa

I have an online friend who I have known for about four years or so and whom I am very close with; he's like an older brother to me, even though we've never met in person. When I announced that I was engaged, he pretty much assumed that he was invited, which is kinda understandable. The problem is, we are on a tight budget and I have a huge family, so our guest list is already pretty much at its limit. I want to invite him, but if I do then I know that I have other close friends online (we have a large group of mutual friends from across the country) who may be insulted if they don't get an invitation as well. I feel like I should save the few places we have at the wedding for people who are actually in our families and a few close friends who we know in person, and most of the guests who are already on the list are from my family, so I don't want to take over the guest list more than I already have lol. My friend has mentioned buying plane tickets already and I have no idea if I should actually invite him or not, and if not, how to tell him without insulting him. I know I need to figure it out before he puts out the money for tickets.

ElisabethJoanne

Tell everyone you're not absolutely sure will be invited, "We're having a small wedding, mostly family." Smart people will get the hint and certainly won't arrange for travel until they get an invitation or save-the-date.

With really good friends, it's not strictly correct etiquette-wise, but that's why we have really good friends, you can say, "We're having a small wedding, mostly family. I'll let you know as soon as I can whether we have room for you." Consider this especially if you're not sending save-the-dates.

Other than spouses/significant others, don't feel like just because you invite one person, you have to invite some other person.

jessss21

If you have been close friends for so long, I find it a little odd that the first time you'll meet is at your wedding.  Just tell him you are very sorry but you must keep to family due to the budget.  He'll never know, I think it be a little stressful to meet him for the first time on sucha big occassion for you.

KcarieLynn

I agree with jessss21.  If you would really like to meet this person, perhaps plan on getting together so your future husband can meet some of your closest friends.  That way your friend doesn't feel left out of your life and you can keep that small wedding.

Simply Fated

The first time you meet your online friends really should not be at your wedding, simply because youll probably want to sit, talk, go through the whole first meeting thing... KWIM? Don't say anything unless he asks. But try to work it in somehow that you're keeping it to family.

JJJ625

Online people are NOT always who they pretend to be. I had an awful experiene with this myself. Your friend may be a wonderful person, but you really don't want to find out who he really is at your wedding of all times, do you?

entropicbeauty

I had this same situation and I actually HAVE invited my close online friends. It's only a small group of people and one of my internet friends I've met and hung out with on multiple occassions but the rest live in Europe - I extended the invite to them so they wouldn't be hurt/left out, but most of them have already told me there is no way they will be able to afford to come out.

It is up to you - is it very likely they will come? If you really want them there, it's worth inviting them, but it really sounds like you don't want them there and should politely do as PPs said and just let them know it's a small family wedding.

Beebopalooa

You guys brought up some good points I hadn't even thought about. Thanks for the advice, everyone!