Guest List Cluster- Advice Needed

shan87

My Fiance and I would like a smaller wedding- however, I come from a huge family so including my brothers and sisters, mymom's brothers and sisters and parents, my dad's brothers and sisters , and my step mom brothers and sisters,  and my Fiance's family we come up with 150. (This is also without Friends)

Now my Mother, who is paying for the Wedding, wants to expand the Guest List by another 100-150 Guests- including extended family and some of her co-workers. I have read that since she is fronting the Bill I have to suck it up and Bite my lip but my Fiance refuses to invite more than 200 guests. But wants the remaining 50 spots to go to our close friends.
My Fiance and my Mother get along great but How can I play Mediator on this hot topic?
My Father is terminally ill and is expected to pass within the month- I have included him in the planning thus far but he is too sick to get into this fight.
My fear is that my mother will get all the guests she wants on the list and none of my friends will be able to attend.

I NEED HELP!!

mwhitson14

If your mom is paying, it's not your FI's place to say who gets the invites and who doesn't. If he wants extra people there, then he can fork up some cash to pay for them. I get that he doesn't want over 200 people, but unless he is paying for the guests, he doesn't get just a ton of say in the guest list. My parents are paying for our wedding, and I've pretty much let them have free reign on the guest list, even though it's grown much larger than FI and I orginally wanted.

ac_in_dc

I'm sorry about your dad.

Whit is right about the guest list, unfortunately. Usually parents are reasonable about letting their kids invite friends, even if they're paying. But not always. And if they're paying, you can't tell them not to invite people. I'd just accept the fact that you'll be having a big wedding, and make sure that you can include your friends in the mix.

Good luck.

kkchisholm

Well i see where your fi is coming from, over 200 is a lot and will be hard to mingle, but remember how gracious is it to have your mother pay for the wedding and remind him of that. Paying for a wedding on your own can get very tough, especially when you are still pleasing your parents by adding people you don't necessarily want or need there

Can you talk to you mom, maybe make a compromise with the people she wants to add. Whats extended family to her?  Your mom's great aunts cousin? If that's the case I can definitely see where you are coming from.

angned

Is this your moms party? Or your celebration?  Do you even know these people she wants to invite?  Can you talk with her about this? I know this is a lot of questions, but think about these things.  And if you piss her off, can you afford to foot the bill for the people you want to be there?

SarahPLiz

I'm not inviting any of my step-dad's 12 brothers and sisters, because he didn't become my step-dad until I was in college. Your situation may be different, but that could be a place to cut if you aren't close.

I think the big question is.. what will you do if you put your foot down and say no more? Are you ok with funding it yourself for the $150 you think are necessary, or scaling it down even further to just those you are close to?

polichik

Even though I know that the person paying has say, I always find it ridiculous when parents don't take the bride and groom's wishes into account. I mean, come on, they're paying, but it's their son or daughter's wedding! I would be sad if the wedding guest list was made entirely of my parent's friends and none of my own.

If possible, you might be better off paying for it yourself. You can have a small wedding and split the guest list evenly between your family, your FI's famly, and you and your FI's friends. That's how we're doing it, even though my parents are paying.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd be honest with your mom. Tell her you want your friends there but you're worried about not being able to see everyone if the wedding is too big. (Though really, if she's paying for all of it, it won't be what you want but it won't be too much of a problem either. You know?) Tell her you really appreciate everything she does, but you don't think it's fair that she gets to invite a ton of people when you and FI are the ones getting married.