Wedding Etiquette Forum

Dad's New Girlfriend

My parents have been divorced for a long time but generally get along. My father has paid for my entire wedding, but my mother has planned my entire wedding as well as raise me my entire life. My parents were fine sitting next to eachother on the front row during the ceremony. Now my father has decided he wants to bring a date, whom I've met 3 times over the past six months, and have her sit on the front row second seat in. My mother thinks she should at the very least sit on the other side of my stepfather whom has been in my life for 15 years. I, however, think she should not be seated at all in any of the front three rows designated for family because she isn't family. What to do???

Re: Dad's New Girlfriend

  • It's just going to hurt dad's feelings to seat his girlfriend elsewhere.  Personally, I'd have dad and his girlfriend sit in seats 3 & 4, with your mom and step-dad in seats 1 & 2.  Couples should be seated together, really. 

    Some people have divorced parents sit on different rows (mom on the 1st row and dad on the 2nd row), but if they get along that seems silly.  BUT.  I wouldn't have your dad's date be escorted during the processional or anything.  Just have her seated wherever she's to be before the ceremony starts. 
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  • Ditto Squirrly. I'll have: Mom, Step-dad, Dad, Dad's GF... 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dads-new-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76137789-39d7-4f3a-8c86-933e6fad11ecPost:f6f3dc1a-2261-4aa7-a183-159123fb052a">Re: Dad's New Girlfriend</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's just going to hurt dad's feelings to seat his girlfriend elsewhere.  Personally, I'd have dad and his girlfriend sit in seats 3 & 4, with your mom and step-dad in seats 1 & 2.  Couples should be seated together, really.  Some people have divorced parents sit on different rows (mom on the 1st row and dad on the 2nd row), but if they get along that seems silly.  BUT.  I wouldn't have your dad's date be escorted during the processional or anything.  Just have her seated wherever she's to be before the ceremony starts. 
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
    I agree with this.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dads-new-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76137789-39d7-4f3a-8c86-933e6fad11ecPost:f6f3dc1a-2261-4aa7-a183-159123fb052a">Re: Dad's New Girlfriend</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's just going to hurt dad's feelings to seat his girlfriend elsewhere.  Personally, I'd have dad and his girlfriend sit in seats 3 & 4, with your mom and step-dad in seats 1 & 2.  Couples should be seated together, really.  Some people have divorced parents sit on different rows (mom on the 1st row and dad on the 2nd row), but if they get along that seems silly.  BUT.  I wouldn't have your dad's date be escorted during the processional or anything.  Just have her seated wherever she's to be before the ceremony starts. 
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
    I agree with this.  H and I had a similar situation with his dad's gf.  His mom died a long time ago but its still sad and it felt weird to have her up there because they'd only been dating for a couple months.  Turns out....they broke up before the wedding.  Not sure when you are getting married but this problem might correct itself.
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  • [QUOTE]It's just going to hurt dad's feelings to seat his girlfriend elsewhere.  Personally, I'd have dad and his girlfriend sit in seats 3 & 4, with your mom and step-dad in seats 1 & 2.  Couples should be seated together, really. 
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
    This, exactly.
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  • Ditto Squirrly.
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  • I think this is a new record for "ditto Squirrly" responses.  I like it!  :D 
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  • Also, I'd add that nobody else at the wedding will care where everybody sits. I know that when I'm a guest at a wedding, I'm not sitting there taking inventory over who gets what seat. So basically, don't alienate either of your parents over where they're going to be sitting for a fifteen minute ceremony. Nobody else will notice.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dads-new-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:76137789-39d7-4f3a-8c86-933e6fad11ecPost:08ae1e05-1e34-45fd-8960-bc47198d88d9">Re: Dad's New Girlfriend</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also, I'd add that nobody else at the wedding will care where everybody sits. I know that when I'm a guest at a wedding, I'm not sitting there taking inventory over who gets what seat. So basically, don't alienate either of your parents over where they're going to be sitting for a fifteen minute ceremony. Nobody else will notice.
    Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

    While this is true, I think its more important to take into account the parents feelings and be respectful to them. 

    As long as they are okay to sit in the same row altogether, then I would do as Squirrly said.  The fact that you've only met your dad's GF 3 times shouldn't dictate where she gets to sit.  You don't have to announce her, list her in the program, or give her any special honors. But she is your dad's guest and should be respectfully treated so.
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  • thanks all for the advice. i agree with squirrly too! My mom feels like she is being snubbed and my dad is difficult at best to deal with. But i think seating mom and stepdad first will work well. My title is misleading also. She is really more of a date than a girlfriend. He has several girlfriends and she is nothing even close to serious. I guess thats why it's such an issue to me!!

    I told mom no one would notice either, but apparently that's something she notices at a wedding. she just doesnt want dad's date getting any sort of recognition.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dads-new-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:76137789-39d7-4f3a-8c86-933e6fad11ecPost:7de70f86-83bb-4ae4-a97f-72785812a253">Re: Dad's New Girlfriend</a>:
    [QUOTE] I told mom no one would notice either, but apparently that's something she notices at a wedding. she just doesnt want dad's date getting any sort of recognition.
    Posted by cawle003[/QUOTE]

    Okay this is a little unreasonable.  You don't have to announce her or have her walk in, but she is your dad's date and shouldn't get treated like crap because of that.  Especially if your dad is paying for your entire wedding as you said, he definitely deserves respect.
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