bridesmaid in her 60`s???

beatavic

Hi girls,

I really need some advice. I have a great friend, Valerie, who is in her 60`s. She doesn`t look her age, nor acts her age. I asked her to be in my wedding as a bridesmaid an her initial reaction was "I love to but I think I`m too old". I told her to think about it and let me know later. She called me few days ago and said that she talked to few people who told her that`s inappropriate and she is too old. Her age is not an issue for me but I don`t want her to feel uncomfortable. She said that I should think about it and she would be still involve in my wedding, party and everything and she would be glad to do something else. My fiance thinks that she will feel uncomfortable and I should give her something else to do. What you think? She is very close to me and I would love her to be in my wedding but I also understand that she might feel out of place between others 20-30`s years old brides. Please, help!!!

sarah0725

I think you should do whatever makes her feel comfortable and special. Personally, I think the idea of a wedding party member in her 60s is awesome, but if she doesn't want to do it, don't force her. Could she do a reading, maybe? Or could you have all the women your party wear chic black dresses or something so she doesn't feel so girlish?

angiems97

I almost asked my good work friend who is in her 50s to be a BM, but shem ight have felt awkward so I asked her to do the guestbook.  We have been friends and co workers for years and even have been on two trips together.  She was thrilled to do the guestbook.  I don't think she wanted to wear a BM dress.  Go with what she wants!!

melissamc2

Leave it up to her, ultimately, but *I* think it's fine.  I know you've said her age doesn't matter to you, but I am curious as to why you had to point out that she doesn't "look or act" her age.  My guess is that she looks and acts like herself - which happens to be in her 60s and needs no further explanation.

I think it's a shame anyone is telling her she is "too old" to do anything in a wedding.  Women her age get married and I've seen them have bridesmaids their own age!

I hope you stick with it and she agrees!  Good luck!

Brie2010

I think she's made it pretty clear that she's not comfortable with the idea at her age.  I think Sarah's suggestion, asking her to do a reading, is a good one that she might be a little more okay with.  It's the thought that counts, and I'm sure she's flattered you wanted to include her, but if she doesn't think it's appropriate (even though it totally is), don't push her.

MyNameIsNot

I think it would be totally fine, but I voted to find something else for her to do, because it really sounds like she doesn't want to be a BM.  I think it's a little silly, and I hate that people told her it's inappropriate, but it sounds like she would be uncomfortable with it.  

I'd suggest asking her to do a reading or something during the ceremony.

sarabellam

PLEASE don't ask her to be the "guest book attendent." That isn't an honor at all. Asking her to do a reading seems much appropriate.

Jaytee501

Well, ultimately, whatever SHE is most comfortable with, of course...

My yungest BM (of 5) was 21, my oldest was 52.

I had been the 52 year old friend's MOH a few years ago.

She's actually kind of a shy person but insisted she absolutely wanted to be in the bridal party; I told her she could definitely be involved another way if she preferred.

I'm really glad she chose to be a bridesmaid; she's a special friend of many years.

pooh8402

I didn't vote becuase I don't like the inflexibility of the options. let her do what she feels comfortable with. I don't think she's too old, but if she thinks she is, then she is. ask her if she would rather do a reading, sing a song, greet guests, etc.

Theresa626

I don't think it's up to you at this point.  I don' t think it's too old but if she's uncomfortable and says no, there's nothing you can do.  tell her again that you don't think she's too old and if she still says  no, give her something else.  

beatavic

thank you SO MUCH Girls!!!

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-her-60s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7665e067-2865-421e-a72c-b04f90a52a78Post:dbd87f26-4c51-47e0-94a8-ec8ae9599169">Re: bridesmaid in her 60`s???</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should do whatever makes her feel comfortable and special. Personally, I think the idea of a wedding party member in her 60s is awesome, but if she doesn't want to do it, don't force her. Could she do a reading, maybe? Or could you have all the women your party wear chic black dresses or something so she doesn't feel so girlish?
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

This exactly.