Friend offered to host engagement party we don't want...help.

Jhousewr

FH and I are doing a honeyfund instead of gifts, and we are having an informal engagement/holiday party in December, but do not want it to be a big deal and no gifts. 

A friend offered to host engagement party, but we do not see any reason to have an additional one if we are not accepting tangible gifts and all invitees to wedding know each other. 

I would love for them to host a post-wedding brunch, but feel rude asking; beggers should not be choosers?

How do I subtly let my friend know we do not want the engagement party, but brunch instead?

Avion22

Engagement parties aren't typically gift-giving occasions.   If anything, people may give you something very small like a bottle of wine or small picture frame.  

Also, you didn't ask, but honeymoon registries are a bad idea.  Check out the sticky on the Registering and Gifts board.  I don't mean to call you out, just thought you'd want to know.

Edited to add:  Also?  By "not accepting tangible gifts" I sincerely hope you don't mean that you actually won't accept tangible gifts that people might choose to give you. You don't have to keep them -- you can donate or whatever. But don't "not accept" them.  

yoshijo

If you don't want the party, just decline it. I don't think there is a way to ask for her to host the brunch though. At our engagement party all of our guests gave us a gift and most of them were cash gifts. I think it just depends on what is common in your area.

BrittneyRN

I agree with PP, honeymoon registries are really rude. And also, it sounds horrible to say you're "not accepting tangible gifts". If someone gives you a gift, you should accept it no matter what.

OliveOilsMom

As PP said, honeymoon registries are rude.  They take a cut of the money your guests donate.  And the couples massage that the guest may have gifted you isn't something you will actually use, so then your also lying to Aunt Sally who carefully picked out something for you to do on your honeymoon.  If you would rather have cash gifts for your wedding, create a very small registry, your guests will get the hint.  There is always something you can upgrade: towels, sheets, etc.  And then when you receive cash as a gift, you can use it however you want to.

And to your original issue.  You cannot be choosy when someone offers to throw you a party.  You can decline, but it's not really polite to say, well instead of this, can you throw me a post-wedding brunch?  That could become way to much work for any one of your guests.  How could they enjoy your wedding thinking of all the stuff they will need to do the next morning.

freebread03

You really aren't accepting physical gifts?  I think this is so incredibly rude--I would be both insulted and sad if I spent time picking out a gift for you and then you told me you wouldn't accept it because it wasn't cash.  If you really want cash for your wedding instead of gifts, just don't register.  People will get the hint and most will give you cash.

Edit: I also forgot to add that I think hosting a post wedding brunch would be a lot more costly than an engagement party.  An engagement party could be light apps and drinks, which can be done on a budget, but a post wedding brunch for all your guests (I'm assuming it would be for all since it would be hard to not invite everyone) could be very costly (between hot foods, cold foods, drinks, etc.)

MrsGandthebeag

There are so many things wrong with this post.  

kmmssg

You arent ACCEPTING physical gifts?  Are you serious?  Rudest comment I've seen here in quite awhile.