FMIL wearing same color as me at my wedding….

em01092

I agree with PPs. That would bother me too. I would have your FI talk to her. Maybe, if it's not too late, he can convince her to dye it another color. 

But yeah, in the end, a) your relationship with her is more important than one day and b) she is going to look dumb. 

I guess you can argue that since you love and care for her, you should try and stop her from looking dumb, but you can only do so much. Even if you or FI talk to her about it, the choice is ultimately up to her. Hopefully she will come around. 

dannie134

I agree with you that your FMIL's dress looks very young, and definitely looks like a wedding dress (very similar to styles I've seen in the J. Crew bridal collection).  I'm not sure why she would choose that dress, or dye it, or even worse dye it a color similar to yours.

Good for you for realizing that this is not worth jeopardizing your relationship with her over, I hope that your FI can help her realize what a bad choice she's making but it sounds like you will come out fine either way.

I also think that dress is amazing, I want one!

jsleik

I think you have every right to be frustrated.  And you're being very adult about it.  I was going to suggest having her dye her dress the color of the flower, but if that doesn't go with your wedding, then I'd skip that.  Also will her dress even dye well?  Maybe not and then when it is ruined, she'll have to pick something else! 

BTW, my mom's dress has a train about the same length (although her dress is totally MOB, and not as bride-y as your FMIL), and I think that part is fine.  It is more that it is a bridal gown that is so strange.  See what your FI can do and then drop it. Is there any chance she is the kind of person that buys a dress to see if she wants it and then returns it?  I hope so!

Good luck!  You're on the right track!

firsttimersluck

OMG seriously I can relate to you.
My FMIL pulled the same crap with an ivory dress. (this isn't the first wedding she has worn white to either) so I sent her links to dresses that would match my Mom's dress since they're apparently "suppose to be similar in color and/or style" thinking that would lead her in the right way. No luck
My FI got pissed off at her because he only wants us in white (he'll be wearing his Navy dress whites) so he called her and got it situated. She still hasn't picked her dress yet, but I've stopped stressing about it. if she does choose a while dress, I know the FI will go off on her, so I'm not gonna worry about it. lol

shelby_louis_2011

Very strange! But, as I'm learning from having a similar situation with my soon to be sister-in-law, it's not something worth burning bridges over. People will wear whatever they're going to wear and it'll be HER fashion mistake, not yours. By the way, your wedding dress is gorgeous :] you'll look amazing I'm sure!

DramaGeek

I hope that dress will take the dye.  Is she doing it herself or is she having it done?  The fact that it's polyester and dry clean only worries me about the dye working out like she's expecting.  She may end up in a splotchy pink and white dress.

mob2689

It has a train too!?! That is bizarre! Like a PP stated you will look beautiful and she will look so out of place. People will know YOU are the bride and not her. Your dess is absolutly fabulous and all the attention will be on you and your FI. I am just as perplexed as you. I don;t think I would be able to handle that either, I would be extreemly pissed. I wouldn't have a devil and angel on each shouler; I would have 2 devils fighting on how to make her look more out of place. I'd suggest she even wear a veil!  If she says no, I would say well you have a train so why not!?  I would need some very strong glasses  to see straight that's for sure. Can your FI talk to her? I wouldn't be able to if I was in your shoes.

ETA: it wasn't so much the color that threw me I could get over that no problem,  but it's the train that would throw me! O_o

TheCranberry

I think it's horrible that she's wearing such a bridal-y dress to anyone's wedding let alone her son's.  If it were a dark color it wouldn't be so bad, but a light color is very suspect.

I think you should ask her nicely not to wear a dress that is such a bridal style or ask her to have it dyed a non-bridal color.  If she doens't agree, don't press, but she's the one in the wrong.  I find it hard to believe that she doesn't know to stay away from bridal styles when going to a wedding.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wearing-same-color-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:772b6439-47f2-4ffd-bf87-8077f871ed6cPost:5337ef0b-9ef6-40a1-bdf8-2373f7eaac2f">Re: FMIL wearing same color as me at my wedding….</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope that dress will take the dye.  Is she doing it herself or is she having it done?  The fact that it's polyester and dry clean only worries me about the dye working out like she's expecting.  She may end up in a splotchy pink and white dress.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

<div>I was thinking this too.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't get it. All the dresses in the world and she needs to pick this one? And dye it? That color?</div>

mkrupar

Your dress? Gorgeous!

Althought yoiu mentioned having two and being torn. I'm curious to see what the other one looks like.

Your FMIL's dress? Odd choice and definitely seems like she's trying to pull something. You all get along so I can't imagine why. It just seems odd that she would specifically buy a wedding dress then have it died when there are literally thousands of designs out there dyed all different colors.

flower_diva

don't you or your FI say a word...will only create a hassle and she will know that you put him up to it. She is the one that everyone will laugh about and her total lack of taste.   and one final thought,just remember ,you can fix stupid.

andamu

FMIL's dress in green?  To die for.  Reminds me of what Pippa Middleton wore to Will & Kate's reception.

Your dress?  Also to die for, obvs.

Also, I nth the bit about polyester and dye.  There was an episode of Project Runway where they were refashioning old wedding dresses, and one of the contestants did some topstitching because her dress was 100% polyester and dye was not at all an option.  Tim Gunn even said so, and that means it's true.

SparrowSong

Is there someone else, a sister or aunt or someone, who can spearhead a help mother-of-the-groom find something appropriate to wear project? Because that is so not appropriate and I would hate to see her embarrass herself. But I think if you or her son try to tell her no she will only be more stubborn about it. I think she needs an opinion from another direction that she needs to not wear a bridal style.

Weird. People are so weird.

polichik

I agree that you need to think about the relationship first, but that's why I believe that you should say something to her. It sounds like she's aware of social graces, so she must've been aware of how inappropriate this is. I think drawing boundaries, especially about this, is important. If she's doing something this rude now, what's to stop her from escalating once you're married?

I think I'd call her (or sit down with her) and say something along the lines of "FMIL, I have to be honest with you. I'm really not comfortable with you wearing the dress you chose and dyeing it the color that you plan to. I chose my dress specifically for it to stand out at my wedding, and I would prefer that you choose a dress that does not match mine. I hope that you understand my point of view, and thank you for respecting my wishes."

Harsh? Maybe. But she's either 1.) aware of what she's doing, and needs to be put in her place, or 2.) strangely unaware, and needs to be made aware.

ootmother2

sorry but I laughed when I saw that.

I can't image what she was think buying a wedding gown as MOG.


Guess there's not much you can do but everyone will laugh at her, not you

RCLD2011

Thank you guys all so much for your support it really has helped me not feel crazy.

After I found out about all this and found online the dress she bought (maybe 2 weeks ago), I emailed her the link and said "if dying doesn't work out it comes in beautiful green!".  She never responded.  She lives 2 miles away from us, so we see my fiancés family at least 2X a week for dinner, and we've been together almost 7 years, so we're all pretty close at this point.  Unfortunately, we have no other females close to talk to her (my FI has 2 bro's- who by the way are fighting us on wearing tux's, isn’t that assumed for an evening/ formal wedding?!). 

I'm positive the entire family is oblivious to wedding etiquette (and some other “life” etiquettes), despite what fun and kind people they are (she calligraphy-addressed all of my invitations and they are beautiful for example).  My fiancé went to his first wedding ever last summer with me (that kind of blew my mind considering my family does ‘kids at weddings’ so I’ve been-in and attended dozens growing up).

 

Sidebar of oddness- my FIs first cousin became engaged around Easter time and announced their wedding date will be less than a month BEFORE ours (we have been planning over a year and sent out save-the-dates last summer). There’s nothing I can do about this either I guess.

Some nuggets of wisdom my Mom said about the FMIL dress situation (she was just trying to get me to smile, she’s not actually catty):

“Tell her you’re not good at reacting to pity from people”

“You and your marriage will outlive her, and you can wear red at her funeral”

“I’m coming armed with red wine when we go to visit *FMIL* next week!”

shytownkelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wearing-same-color-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:772b6439-47f2-4ffd-bf87-8077f871ed6cPost:af4b4b6e-1d15-4574-9ff8-ff6e95117a98">Re: FMIL wearing same color as me at my wedding….</a>:
[QUOTE] “I’m coming armed with red wine when we go to visit *FMIL* next week!”
Posted by RCLD2011[/QUOTE]

your mom and I would get along fabulously - I was going to suggest someone have an "accident"...<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

DramaGeek

As far as the cousin's wedding, that's a non-issue in my book.  Before, after, as long as it's not the same day there's nothing to worry about.