family issue or maybe i'm paranoid

lullabymommy

I'm having an issue choosing a date. I'm in between April 16th or June 18th, 2011 and FI don't care as long as we take pictures in April regardless. April sounds awesome because we both want a spring wedding in a park that has cherry blossom trees and it's an off season so vendors would be cheaper. But I would have more bargaining power with my sister if it is in June, maybe bargaining power is not the right word but she lives in VA (wedding is in ohio) and insists that she wouldn't miss my wedding for the world especially since she's a BM but she hasn't gone to any of my brothers weddings and I know how important it is to her that her kids don't miss school. She tells me that FI and I should pick whatever day we want and as long as she has ample notice she "should" make it. 

The main reason I'm stressing is because depending on the time we would be using different locations and both book up early. 

sorry this is so long. Suggestions? Should FI and i flip a coin O.o

crfische

FI don't care as long as we take pictures in April regardless.

I got here and re read this sentence three times. So, you're saying that whether you get married in April or June, you're going to take you wedding pictures in April?

Dude. Just get married in April.

lullabymommy

Yeah, i know. I wouldn't make the bridal party be in the random pictures it would just be FI and I since I would probably have my dress by then and he already owns a tux. 

kate51485

Maybe you could do E-pics in the park in April to get the cherry blossoms? 

Or you could just get married then.  If your sister decides to be shitty then I guess it sounds like it wouldn't come as much of a surprise...

AdeleDazeem

Honestly, I don't think you should plan your wedding around someone who is so flaky about showing up.  What if you do go the trouble of getting pictures done in April (weird) and then have the wedding in June and she STILL doesn't show up? 

Just get married in April and be done with it.  She's going to do what she's going to do no matter what.  I know she's your sister and you want her there, but at some point you have to say this is all ridiculous. 

And he "doesn't" care.  Doesn't.

crfische

Don't do that.

If it's THAT important to you, just get married in April.

What's more important? Cherry blossoms in your pictures or having your sister there?

And are you just ASSUMING that your sister can't make April? If it's that important that her kids don't miss school, isn't there someone they can stay with?

lullabymommy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-issue-maybe-im-paranoid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7730ff0e-c477-4e5d-a25c-8510db7111d0Post:8397477e-de72-49f5-89be-6b5bff1a98f4">Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid</a>:
[QUOTE]And he "doesn't" care.  Doesn't.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, I've been up all night studying for finals.. good thing there are no essays, i guess my grammar takes a turn when i am exhausted </div>

crfische

Why don't you answer my questions, please.

lullabymommy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-issue-maybe-im-paranoid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7730ff0e-c477-4e5d-a25c-8510db7111d0Post:93a83c7d-c804-49e3-8d8f-39ec3e57a84b">Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do that. If it's THAT important to you, just get married in April. What's more important? Cherry blossoms in your pictures or having your sister there? And are you just ASSUMING that your sister can't make April? If it's that important that her kids don't miss school, isn't there someone they can stay with?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

<div>Not that I know of. But I don't know any of her friends down there of if she could have the kids stay at friends houses for the weekend, or if she is ok with that. They will be 6, 9, and 10 at the time of the wedding. She's very wishy washy because she does't want me stressing and planning around her (even though I am) so in a way I'm assuming or at least trying to avoid the situation in general</div>

crfische

Then don't. Get married in April. Game over.

It's super weird to get all dressed up to take wedding pictures on a day that isn't your wedding.

Backpackers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-issue-maybe-im-paranoid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7730ff0e-c477-4e5d-a25c-8510db7111d0Post:89b15204-3089-4a8a-9fb1-0ad6651da6c9">Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid</a>:
[QUOTE]Then don't. Get married in April. Game over. It's super weird to get all dressed up to take wedding pictures on a day that isn't your wedding.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I have to say, I agree.

Get married in April. It's obviously what you want.

AdeleDazeem

Perhaps I read this wrong, but when you say "she has missed all my brother's weddings" and "even with ample notice, she says she 'should' make it," this seems to me that she isn't really making your wedding a priority.  In that case, I wouldn't make her schedule my priority. 

If she was asking politely for the wedding to be in June because of her kid's school schedules or just in general it would be an easier traveling time, then I'd move it to June hands down.  My sister being there is more important than cherry blossoms.  But, this situation seems more gray.

All I'm saying is that if she could maybe not come in April and she could maybe not come in June, then I'd pick April for my wedding since that's what my fiance and I would like. 

If I've misinterpreted the situation, then I apologize...

**EDIT: I'm an idiot.  I read fische post wrong... I thought you were emphasing not to get married in April.  Sigh... off to get more caffiene..

lullabymommy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-issue-maybe-im-paranoid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7730ff0e-c477-4e5d-a25c-8510db7111d0Post:1a86184f-df42-4f21-b17b-745bbb5e49d8">Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps I read this wrong, but when you say "she has missed all my brother's weddings" and "even with ample notice, she says she 'should' make it," this seems to me that she isn't really making your wedding a priority.  In that case, I wouldn't make her schedule my priority.  If she was asking politely for the wedding to be in June because of her kid's school schedules or just in general it would be an easier traveling time, then I'd move it to June hands down.  My sister being there is more important than cherry blossoms.  But, this situation seems more gray. All I'm saying is that if she could maybe not come in April and she could maybe not come in June, then I'd pick April for my wedding since that's what my fiance and I would like.  If I've misinterpreted the situation, then I apologize... **EDIT: I'm an idiot.  I read fische post wrong... I thought you were emphasing not to get married in April.  Sigh... off to get more caffiene..
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I couldn't tell you if you are misinterpreting it or not because I'm confused too!! Well, she missed the 1st wedding because her husband, who is a chef, had to work the day of or before the wedding.. I can't remember. They are not going to my other brother's wedding because my niece broke her leg and it would be helll for her to be in a car for 8 hours, poor baby. She hasn't requested June, it's just something that has been buzzing around my head. She has been wishy washy because, I guess, she doesn't want to promise anything this far out even though she has known since we were kids that she is going to be my MOH and was excited for the role when I first got engaged.  What's bothering me so much is that, yes, i know things can come up but she's not giving me definite answers when i ask what date(s) would be better for her. 

</div>

scoetto

Get married in April. My sister was super wishy washy about coming to VA from CA and we weren't 100% sure she was coming until the day of. So, yeah. Do what you want. Your family will follow.

And FWIW, my sister made it. And I was super happy she was there

SnShne322

Even with the updates, I'm still with the PPs.  She didn't go because her husband had to work and her daughter might be uncomfortable?  I know she's your sister and all, but she doesn't seem to want to make any effort for anyone else's weddings, I wouldn't expect her to put that much effort in to yours.  Especially since she's so wishy washy as it is. 

Get married in April and enjoy yourselves!  Don't worry about her. If she really wants to make it she will.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-issue-maybe-im-paranoid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7730ff0e-c477-4e5d-a25c-8510db7111d0Post:c45d9a3b-aacb-4b7c-97f8-492b5d653d84">Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid : I Well, she missed the 1st wedding because her husband, who is a chef, had to work the day of or before the wedding.. I can't remember. They are not going to my other brother's wedding because my niece broke her leg and it would be helll for her to be in a car for 8 hours, poor baby.
Posted by lullabymommy[/QUOTE]

She really missed a wedding because her husband had to work?   I would never miss my brother's wedding due to my husband working.  I would just take the kids and go without him. 

How odd?  Or is it just me?

scoetto

It's more than odd, Lynda.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-issue-maybe-im-paranoid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7730ff0e-c477-4e5d-a25c-8510db7111d0Post:e632293a-2eea-43f1-aeea-a0554b406718">Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid</a>:
[QUOTE]It's more than odd, Lynda.
Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]

depending on the daugther's broken leg I find that one odd.  For example a full leg cast.  Yes that would be uncomfortable for 8 hours.  A half cast.  I would still bring her.

AmoroAgain

I totally agree Lynda.  That's someone who has put everything in her husband and kids and has forgotten about everyone else. 

EmmaBride2B

Husband has to work: I'd say " I'm sorry hun, I'll see you when I get back from my brother's wedding"

Daughter has a cast: I'd say "I'm sorry hun, you can stay here with dad, I'll see you when I get back from my brother's wedding."

At least that's what I'd have done. These are not even close to the catastrophic events I'd need as a reason to miss my BROTHER getting married

Just get married in April, it sounds like she's going to do whatever no matter the month.

lyndausvi

Thank god I'm not the only one who thought that was odd.

This is where I believe "when you get married, you marry the family' goes for both sets of families.  Just because I got married does not mean kick my 'first' family to the curb. 

blenderdance

Your sister is kind of bizarre and I wouldn't plan around her...she very well may make excuses regardless of when you do it.

Her kids are 6, 9, and 10...Don't get me wrong, I am a teacher and it is annoying when kids take off on vacations in the middle of the year and want all their work in advance and such and then need to be caught up...but I also understand that everyone else's life does not revolve around a school calendar.  Plus, at that age, it isn't as though missing a couple of days of school is going to put them helplessly behind and ruin their entire futures.  It is an entirely unreasonable excuse.  Maybe if her kid was a junior in high school and scheduled to take the SATs that weekend (and still I would say, you can always reschedule...)

blenderdance

Your sister is kind of bizarre and I wouldn't plan around her...she very well may make excuses regardless of when you do it.

Her kids are 6, 9, and 10...Don't get me wrong, I am a teacher and it is annoying when kids take off on vacations in the middle of the year and want all their work in advance and such and then need to be caught up...but I also understand that everyone else's life does not revolve around a school calendar.  Plus, at that age, it isn't as though missing a couple of days of school is going to put them helplessly behind and ruin their entire futures.  It is an entirely unreasonable excuse.  Maybe if her kid was a junior in high school and scheduled to take the SATs that weekend (and still I would say, you can always reschedule...)

blenderdance

Stupid knot...apparently I really wanted to have my say in this topic [:)]

Anon I. Mouse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-issue-maybe-im-paranoid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7730ff0e-c477-4e5d-a25c-8510db7111d0Post:89b15204-3089-4a8a-9fb1-0ad6651da6c9">Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid</a>:
[QUOTE]Then don't. Get married in April. Game over. It's super weird to get all dressed up to take wedding pictures on a day that isn't your wedding.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Agreed. And I think the "let's play pretend" element shows in the pictures when they are taken on other than the wedding day (that goes for trash the dress sessions too).

Do it in April. Whenever you do it there is a chance someone you really want there won't be able to, or won't, come. That's just life, and you should not pick your entire wedding date based on one guest unless you are incredibly comfortable with that (which it does not sound like you are).

Pirata13

Just get married in April. Your sister is a flake and you don't need to cater to her. And if she did pull the kids out of school they'd miss what, 2 or 3 days tops? Assuming you get married on a Saturday, they could drive down early Friday so your sis is there for the rehearsa dinner, and can leave Sunday or Monday to go back home. No biggie. 

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-issue-maybe-im-paranoid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7730ff0e-c477-4e5d-a25c-8510db7111d0Post:f4a6b018-8e12-4876-8d40-ffe404ab2c12">Re: family issue or maybe i'm paranoid</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally agree Lynda.  That's someone who has put everything in her husband and kids and has forgotten about everyone else. 
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I really hate people like this. My next door neighbor growing up was just like this and all she would do was talk about her husband and kids and never ever be able to go out with the other ladies in the neighborhood. I became clear it wasn't an abuse situation and finally my mom put her foot down and made the woman go on a ladies shopping trip with them. Years later the woman thanked my mom out of the blue for that one day in her life. It was really sad but she brought it on herself and whenever I see her I still tune her out.

squirrly

Get married when you and FI want to get married.  Your sister will flake if it's not that important to her, no matter what the date.  And, unfortunately, it sounds like her family isn't that important.

julezlee

Go with April for all the reasons previously stated. 

e_jakiela

can your sister drop kids off at some friend's who are noti invited? I have a friend who would stay in my house and baby sit/drive them to school, if I needed to go on a business trip, not to mention my sister's wedding.  Granted I have no kids, but I know my friend would help.  If she doesn't want the kids to miss school, she should fly to your wedding with her husband alone, be there just for one or two nights and come back.

mocha beans

Have your wedding in April.

Kids CAN miss a few days of school and not completely ruin their entire education, if that's her reasoning.  Especially at that age, kids learn quickly and it's stuff mom can go over with them on the trip; it's not like it's senior year finals time or college application deadline time.  I missed plenty of days of school for family events and did just fine.

She's being passive aggressive, and I wouldn't pick my wedding date around something like that.  If she won't work it out to be there, well, I guess we know how you rank on her priority list.  Which is about where I'd put her on my priority list.