Co-workers spouses or not

nina107c

Planning for an Oct. 23, 2010 wedding. We were planning on having 150 for the wedding but it's now at 175 after we've cut. Here's my predicament, I have 13 co-workers I'd like to invite. 2 of those I am inviting spouses because I am a bit closer with them. So, is it okay to invite my other co-workers without their spouses or is that tacky?

Also, if invite some kids do I have to invite all kids? Thanks for the help everyone.

parowe

You can't invite a coworker and not invite the spouse.  They are a social unit and it would be very rude.

Mrs.B6302007

Anyone who is married (or in a long-term/committed relationship) must have the invitation extended to their spouses.

Make your guest list cuts elsewhere.

kkchisholm

invite all serious girlfriends/fiances/husbands/wives.... especially if they work together.

invite one kid, invite all.

I kinda think you aren't real. this is common sence.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

With coworkers, yes, I'd invite the spouses. 

With kids, it depends. Are you inviting all cousins or just some cousins? Children of siblings, or children of some siblings? Family and not friends? Or the ones you are just closest too?

The problem if you invite kids you know the best and not others is that parents will 1) get offended that you just don't like their kids that much and 2) be annoyed that they need to make child care arrangements when there are other kids at your wedding. However, you can get around that by saying, "Sorry, children of family only. Otherwise the guest list would be out of control. Hope you understand."

lauralaur

I would definitely either invite all of their spouses as well or none of your coworkers.

The kids situation sort of depends. For example, H has a ten year old brother, so if he was at our wedding, but no other kids were, I think people would understand. Or, if the only kids were your flower girl and or ring bearer... you get the idea. But, if a couple showed up and saw a whole bunch of other kids running around, they might be a bit miffed that their children were not invited. Some people will understand/won't care, some people will not understand/will care.

Mrs.B6302007

As far as kids go, it's needs to be an even cut.  Family kids only and not friends' kids would be okay but it wouldn't go over well to just invite some and not others.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_co-workers-spouses-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78b87689-a631-436f-b041-451d6a2c430aPost:67ab64ec-b4eb-4532-9080-686a2ab8acc2">Co-workers spouses or not</a>:
[QUOTE]So, is it okay to invite my other co-workers without their spouses or is that tacky?
Posted by nina107c[/QUOTE]

Not tacky, but completely rude.

emarston1

If someone is in a serious relationship, you should give them the option of bringing their SO.  You especially shouldn't invite some SOs and not others.  This will only make things very uncomfortable at work (for both you and them.)

You have a little more wiggle room for the kids.  You may invite all kids, no kids, or set an age minimum (10+, 12+) etc if you don't want any babies or toddlers.

Whatever you end up doing, just ensure you are clear about who is invited (and not invited) on the invitation.  If you are doing no kids, just address the invitation to the parents, not to the whole family, etc.  HTH

kkchisholm

I see what mercy is saying. you could possibly do, 1st and 2nd counsins only, But you cant invite cousin Jen's kids but not cousin Mikes.

thesuninherhead

If you invite your coworkers without their s/o, be prepared for upset coworkers and decline replies. If you can't afford to invite the s/os, don't invite the coworkers- it's far less insulting to not receive an invite at all than it is to be invited without your partner, IMO.

ootmother2

In large families, choosing the relatives is really up to you.

FOB had over 100 nieces and nephews on his side alone.  B&G chose the ones they were close to as some of them they had never even met.

On my side, there were about half that number of nieces but the same policy held.  Some are closer than others.

Spouses are never optional, they must be invited

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_co-workers-spouses-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78b87689-a631-436f-b041-451d6a2c430aPost:78c7548e-b38c-4d57-9df9-15a9f59d816c">Re: Co-workers spouses or not</a>:
[QUOTE]If you invite your coworkers without their s/o, be prepared for upset coworkers and decline replies. If you can't afford to invite the s/os, don't invite the coworkers- it's far less insulting to not receive an invite at all than it is to be invited without your partner, IMO.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

I agree. If I was invited to a wedding and DH wasn't, I'd decline to go.

banana468

Keep in mind, of all the people you shouldn't be rude to, it's those you see on a daily basis.  If you do opt to invite coworkers, invite them with their SOs.

As for the children, invite in a way that makes sense.  Kids aren't an 'all or nothing' group but you do have to keep logistics and fairness in mind if you begin to eliminate.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_co-workers-spouses-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78b87689-a631-436f-b041-451d6a2c430aPost:79cb8f2c-b111-47da-8cd5-63f068455e92">Re: Co-workers spouses or not</a>:
[QUOTE]I would definitely either invite all of their spouses as well or none of your coworkers. The kids situation sort of depends. For example, H has a ten year old brother, so if he was at our wedding, but no other kids were, I think people would understand. Or, if the only kids were your flower girl and or ring bearer... you get the idea. But, if a couple showed up and saw a whole bunch of other kids running around, they might be a bit miffed that their children were not invited. Some people will understand/won't care, some people will not understand/will care.
Posted by lauralaur[/QUOTE]

This

ThePinkSuperhero

I can't think of any situation where I'd still want to attend a wedding if the bride & groom didn't invite my fiance.  There would have to be some seriously extenuating circumstances- and budget issues don't count.

tidetravel

For co-workers, anyone in a long term relationship gets invited with their SO.

As far as kids, do not set an age limit. You can't enforce it.  What happens if a family has a 9 year old and a 13 year old?  You're going to invite everyone except the 9 year old in that family?  No.

You can limit kids, but it must be an obvious cut line.  Some people only invite kids in the wedding party, or kids in the immediate family, or limit kids to family only (cousins, etc).  You cannot, however, invite only some kids of one group, without pissing people off.

LP11509

FI  recently got invited to his classmates wedding, and I didn't.  And we live together.  I was livid.  Please don't do that to your guests.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_co-workers-spouses-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78b87689-a631-436f-b041-451d6a2c430aPost:3d83b1fc-bca8-4fc7-8b30-ffa404dc405a">Re: Co-workers spouses or not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Co-workers spouses or not : I agree. If I was invited to a wedding and DH wasn't, I'd decline to go.
Posted by ggmae[/QUOTE]

This AND I wouldn't send a gift.

banana468

Yeah, if a coworker invited me without DH to a wedding, I'd be upset.

AND, that coworker would have also given me a HUGE sign as to what kind of integrity I could expect from him/her in the workplace.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_co-workers-spouses-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78b87689-a631-436f-b041-451d6a2c430aPost:7a4d45a7-45ed-4f1a-8bf0-3d9c1b05415c">Re: Co-workers spouses or not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Co-workers spouses or not : This AND I wouldn't send a gift.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Right!

SarahSmile23

eh, i disagree. if a bunch of coworkers and i were invited to our coworker's wedding without dates, i'd understand and would party with my coworkers. it isn't as if i'd be sitting with a group of people i didn't know! i spend 8 hrs a day 5 days a week with these people without my husband. i can survive 6 hours  or so with them for a wedding! ideally, i'd want him to be invited, too. but it wouldn't be the end of the world if he wasn't. i'd still attend, bring a gift, and have a good time. (and he'd probably be glad he wouldn't have to attend!)

lyndausvi

Sarah.. for the record.. I get what you are saying.  Most likely DH would send me without him anyway.  But not all couples are like that, so I would rather side on the error that most couple want, prefer, etc.  to be invited to ALL social events as a couple.  

Mostly because,  one part of getting married is stating that we are a social unit.. So it's kind of weird to be invited to a union of two people being told that out commitiment in being a union is not really relevent.

banana468

Sarah, I would consider going without DH.

That's not the point though.  The wedding isn't a work event.  It's a social event.

And even when I have a work event, DH is ALWAYS invited when its outside office hours.

nina107c

While I agree with Sarah I also think that it's a must to invite co-workers SO. I'll just adjust. Thanks for the help.

SarahSmile23

nina, just realize that i am the clear minority here. don't ignore all of the other opinions you received just because i validated your opinion. also, fyi, i invited my coworkers' spouses.