Bridesmaid budget question

AJuliaNJ

This is not a situation I'm in right now. It's just something I've become curious about as I've read questions and responses on this.

I know you are supposed to ask each of your BM's their budget for dress, etc. However, what if you have a BM that provides a budget that really isn't going to be sufficient, especially given what the other BM's budgets are? So, for example, the bridesmaid said she really can't spend more than $50 total, and you know that you aren't going to find a dress for that price and that your other BMs plan on throwing a shower or other party where everyone contributes.

What would you do?

Are you then bound to pay for her dress and slip her money to use toward any BM-hosted events? Or are you now obligated to find a dress in that price range and tell the other BM's not to host parties? Or is it best to recommend that she come as a guest instead?

mcda04

It is possible to find a dress for $50. You can have them wear different dresses in the color  and length you specified, or you can buy the dress for her.

The parties are optional and she shouldn't be forced to contribute.

My girls had budgets between $60 and $200, I tried to find a $60 for all the girls and I found them but my girls had some reservations to my picks so I just told them to wear a knee length purple satin dress. Two bought $60 dresses, one of them a DB clearance for $65, and one of them a $95 dress. They all looked happy and comfortable.

Sierra524

Well, if she was already asked to be a BM, she shouldnt be asked to come as a guest instead. If they are picking their own dresses, BM will pick a dress that is within her budget. If they are all wearing the same, Bride should be aware of her budget and pick dresses that BM can afford. I wouldnt worry too much about her coming up money for BM-hosted events. Honestly, she doesnt have to contribute to these things financially. She can contribute her time. Being a BM isnt all about having money to do things. Its just about being there for the bride. All they have to do is be dressed and walk down the aisle holding her bouquet. So, with that said, her budget really shouldnt be an issue.

Maggie0829

If the BM gives you a budget of $50 then that is the price range you have to stick with for the dress.  You can certainly pay for her dress but if she finds out that you only paid for her dress and no one elses because her budget wasn't high enough she will most likely think that you value a dress more then her.

As for showers and bach parties.  Those are completely voluntary and if one BM cannot afford to give money towards them then she does not have to be involved in the planning.  She can just attend as a guest if she so chooses.  But that doesn't mean that the other BMs can't throw you a party or two.

kelleywill

I have a similar problem one of my BM is 23 no job and liveing at home with her parents. And i know she cant afford a expensive dress so am just saying heres the color go to davids bridal and pick out a dress in that color. That way they can get one they like will wear again and can afford. I now have a proble with shoes but thats a differnt story. 

But the parties if she cant help she really cant help that its not in her budget. If i was a BM and the bride came up to me and said so and so is on a tight budget i would understand. everyone has times were they are going though a hard time. 

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-budget-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79d3936a-a01f-473b-b163-e5d75eb9e650Post:94db8859-f442-45c1-ba45-344a3c757b59">Re: Bridesmaid budget question</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a similar problem one of my BM is 23 no job and liveing at home with her parents. And i know she cant afford a expensive dress so am just saying heres the color go to davids bridal and pick out a dress in that color. That way they can get one they like will wear again and can afford. <strong>I now have a proble with shoes but thats a differnt story.</strong>  But the parties if she cant help she really cant help that its not in her budget. If i was a BM and the bride came up to me and said so and so is on a tight budget i would understand. everyone has times were they are going though a hard time. 
Posted by kelleywill[/QUOTE]

<div>Easy shoe problem solving: you choose the colour (a neutral would be good), they choose the shoe.</div>

aurianna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-budget-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79d3936a-a01f-473b-b163-e5d75eb9e650Post:94db8859-f442-45c1-ba45-344a3c757b59">Re: Bridesmaid budget question</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a similar problem one of my BM is 23 no job and liveing at home with her parents. And i know she cant afford a expensive dress so am just saying heres the color go to davids bridal and pick out a dress in that color.
Posted by kelleywill[/QUOTE]

I'd go further and not specify a place. I've never been to DB but I have to assume that their selection of dresses under $50 isn't vast, especially if she's looking for a specific color/length.
Whereas she could get luck at a clearance at a department store, or on a flash sale site like Gilt or Rue La La (I once got a $600 Badgley Mischka dress on Rue La La for $80).

Either let them pick their own dresses
Or buy all of their dresses for them (or if it's a $100 dress, maybe give all your BMs a $50 gift certificate as a just because, NOT as their BM present).
You could probably get by with just buying <em>her </em>dress but it could cause issues if other BMs found out (I mean, just because the others tell you they <em>could </em>spend $XYZ doesn't mean they want to or that it's easy for them), so if you do that you need to handle it very delicately.
And the last option is finding a dress for everyone that's $50 or less (it can be done).

The shower is a non-issue. If she does not offer to host a shower, she is in no way expected to pay for one. No one can decide that all the bridesmaids are going to host a shower and split the costs except each of the bridesmaids themselves, individually. If they start talking and decide they want to do something, she can tell them that she can't contribute much financially but she can take the lead with XYZ (planning, games, decorating, addressing invites, etc etc).

erinlin25

Look at department stores-- my friend's wedding, we found dresses at Macy's that were on sale for under $50.

DB, the cheapest I have seen that is not on clearance was $79, so I think in this case, I would do your best to find a $50 dress, or pay the difference on hers (but do it discretely) or let them pick their own dresses.

Sierra524

You could always check out wedding classifieds to find a dress for her. Many past BMs sell their dresses for a very very low price. Check consignment shops in your area as well!

AJuliaNJ

To answer my own question, if I was in this situation, I'd be more likely to pay the difference so we'd have more options for BM dresses. I'm not someone that gets excited about digging through the racks for a deal. 

fionahalliwell

It's got to be challenging to find $50 dresses. I mean, no, it's not. I own a whole bunch of dresses that cost me about $20. But it would really depend on the wedding itself. The one I'm in is full-on black tie (in every sense of the word!), so the women have to wear evening gowns. It'd be challenging to find evening gowns for $50. But cocktail dresses could probably work. 

I'd just go with a color and length and tell them to figure it out themselves.