people inviting themselves to showers

Meaghann17

hey everyone

so i definitely understand (and agree) that people that aren't invited to the wedding shouldnt be invited to a shower. this seems to be a rule that most in my social circle follow as well.

a problem that has come up: there are several older woman (an old neighbour, old teacher, old soccer coach) that have come up to me publicly and said "make sure you tell your mom I want to be invited to your shower." I don't know what to do at all, when I try to brush it off and say I am not sure whats being planned for me they continue to push it saying" ok well I will just call your mom."

it is SO nice to be loved and have so many people in my life supporting me, but the wedding is already larger than FI and I ever wanted- we cannot add more and stay in budget. nor do I want to add people just so that they can come to the shower. we are from a small town and it feels like everytime I go see my parents I am barraged with people that are wanting to come to the shower.

the other element of this is that fmil insists that "my rule" is snobby and that older women love showers and back in the day the shower WAS a free for all, and a way to let those who couldnt come to the shower celebrate with the bride.

so what do you ladies think? do i pass these peoples names on to my list (Moh already asked for shower list) or ignore these requests and just change the subject as I have been doing?

FI thinks that these women probably leave and forget they ever even said they wanted to come and just said it to make convo when they see me.

Meaghann17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7aa70c9d-2632-4198-b760-72c5990c0b35Post:a7becd43-5fa6-4772-8f15-b196aa04775a">Re: people inviting themselves to showers</a>:
[QUOTE]Your fmil has some logic to what she said. In some areas, showers were free for alls and all of the older ladies would use it as an excuse to get together. At least, in my experiences. I would just continue to change the subject and not worry about inviting them. I did have a few people tell my MOH that they understand how expensive weddings are and don't expect to be invited, but still would like to attend the shower. They didn't end up coming though.
Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]

thank you :)

and i also see FMIL's logic, but I should have explained that she wants A LOT of people not invited to the wedding invited to the shower. if she had her way she would invite 60 more women because she thinks the more people the more presents. when my moh asked for a list i gave her a list of 10 friends and a couple of aunts lol. fmil and i just have different visions!

Loopyseven

While there is some logic to your mom's thinking, I would err on the side of ettiquette and not invite these ladies to the shower. 

Milsey32

If FMIL wants to see 60 old ladies... than they should all get together for a reunion party of sorts... not use your shower as an excuse to see each other. While she may be right about how showers used to be free-for-all, the norm today is if you're invited to pre-wedding festivities, you're also invited to the wedding. If these women were invited to the shower, you could feel pressured into inviting them to the wedding (or FMIL could say "see you there!") which you said is out of your budget. Continue what you're doing and don't feel obligated to invite them.