Does this make me mean?

TNMurray

STOP it ALL...teach him a lesson. Sometimes they don't realize how much you do until you stop doing it. That is my spiteful answer. Or you can sit down and talk to him. I always think that in the back of my head my FI thinks i do nothing while I am at home and we always talk about what he expects from me when im home luckily he knows im on the comoputer most of the day.

*BeachBride0410*

I personally think saying he is being disrespectful is not going to the extreme.  Laziness=disrespectful in my book.

I really think you should stop doing things for him.  It would be very hard for me because I like everything in its place.  But DH used to take his shirt off from work and leave it on the chair in our living room.  In the beginning I would get on his case about it....but then I learned if I let it go, he will do it sooner or later.  He knew I hated it out, but he wanted to relax after work.  So once a couple hours went buy, he would pick it up himself.

In regards to the clothing on the floor....leave it there.  And when you are washing clothing, only was the clothing that make it to the hamper...he will get it sooner or later.

georgia_bride09

[QUOTE]STOP it ALL...teach him a lesson. Sometimes they don't realize how much you do until you stop doing it. That is my spiteful answer. Posted by TNMurray[/QUOTE]

Well, that's not petty or passive aggressive in any way. I'm sure that solution solves absolutely nothing.

laladypoet

if laziness is disrespectful, then I am SO disrespectful to my gym.
*eyeroll*

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:708f1832-d498-478b-9cb7-ed1fa3877a36">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]if laziness is disrespectful, then I am SO disrespectful to my gym. *eyeroll*
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Well, except that you don't expect the gym to jog your ass around the track for you and get upset when it won't. 

*BeachBride0410*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:708f1832-d498-478b-9cb7-ed1fa3877a36">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]if laziness is disrespectful, then I am SO disrespectful to my gym. *eyeroll*
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Noodles laziness and unwillingness to help is disrespectful to Nugget....
if you had a personal trainer at your gym and didn't show for a session because you were being lazy, you were being disrespectful to the trainer.

*eyeroll* right back at you

kikibaby

Asking her all the time why she doesn't have a job yet, and calling to see if she's vacuumed, done the dishes... those are disrespectful, not the laziness.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:87a22505-0deb-4f93-9043-6a39d21665c5">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Youre his wife not his emmer effing maid.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this statement exactly.</div>

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:a8779b53-1c56-45b3-a120-1dba2477cd17">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, that's not petty or passive aggressive in any way. I'm sure that solution solves absolutely nothing.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

<div>She's been pretty handy with the crap advice around here. </div>

tigerlily25

Wait...his name is Noodle?? lmao

Looking for a job is a full-time job in itself. He's being a jerk.

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:d30261dd-66ee-4773-b173-99208ce6e8b0">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait...his name is Noodle?? lmao Looking for a job is a full-time job in itself. He's being a jerk.
Posted by tigerlily25[/QUOTE]

Your name is Tigerlily??  ROFL.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:2908d681-8c90-4dfd-b8ca-1a34e77fbd44">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this make me mean? : Well, except that you don't expect the gym to jog your ass around the track for you and get upset when it won't. 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

my point = laziness is not ALWAYS disrespectful.

your point = ? something else ?

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:2b4f7f04-fbbe-44e2-927b-d0f8afc27fe9">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this make me mean? : Noodles laziness and unwillingness to help is disrespectful to Nugget.... if you had a personal trainer at your gym and didn't show for a session because you were being lazy, you were being disrespectful to the trainer. *eyeroll* right back at you
Posted by *BeachBride0410*[/QUOTE]
ok, continue with your ridiculous blanket comments.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:d30261dd-66ee-4773-b173-99208ce6e8b0">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait...his name is Noodle?? lmao 
Posted by tigerlily25[/QUOTE]

<div>Unnecessary.</div>

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:691ae852-4a20-42e1-ae5b-3fc6c3cfd9bf">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally think saying he is being disrespectful is not going to the extreme.  Laziness=disrespectful in my book.
Posted by *BeachBride0410*[/QUOTE]
kiki, ^^^ is what I'm addressing.

*BeachBride0410*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:41b4a12e-edcf-4af9-a672-f062688f8f72">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this make me mean? : ok, continue with your ridiculous blanket comments.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

How was it a blanket comment? 

laladypoet

FFS.
Laziness=disrespectful in my book.

that's what I'm talking about.

georgia_bride09

Yes, his real given name is Noodle. And her real given name is Nugget. Because we all use our real names around here, Tiger.

*BeachBride0410*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:119f70ef-6e39-4d42-a72b-3f7e646c6302">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]FFS. Laziness=disrespectful in my book. that's what I'm talking about.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Yeah not all laziness because you could give scenarios till  your blue in the face....his laziness is disrespectful to her.

HIS laziness=disrespectful in my book.....

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:c9e29bb5-efde-4b38-981e-6f42acac6114">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this make me mean? : Yeah not all laziness because you could give scenarios till  your blue in the face....his laziness is disrespectful to her. HIS laziness=disrespectful in my book.....
Posted by *BeachBride0410*[/QUOTE]
uh. huh. way to backpedal.
not that it matters, but if you'd said that in the first place we wouldn't be having this wonderful conversation.

ohwhynot

My point = your example is stupid because it's apples and oranges. 

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:c08499da-8bdf-48fa-a7ed-69f1a044267f">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]My point = your example is stupid because it's apples and oranges. 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
she said all laziness is disrespectful. I picked an example of my own laziness that I think shows it's not always disrespectful. I don't see the problem here.

laladypoet

and you saying my example is stupid is just SO disrespectful. which must mean you're lazy. gym. jog. complain.

KatyRoseM

I realize I'm late to the party here but it seems like you are both frustrated with the stressful situation of your not having work.  This is mostly about that, not about the housework.  So maybe you two can focus back on what is stressing you out and not take your (his mostly it seems) frustration out on one another.  

That being said, the fact that it is how he was raised could be a bigger issue.  He should not say you can do it because his mother did.  This is about what each of you should be doing.  Does he get that your not going to be like his mother?  If not that should also be a part of your talk.  

ohwhynot

Snort, Lala.  I see your point, but I read the original laziness = disrespectful in the context of the sentence that preceded it, which dealt with this specific situation.

But yes, I am lazy.  And often disrespectful. 

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-mean-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c5215c4-d13d-47b6-825d-aff25dc8ff73Post:a2f3012c-b169-4e29-899d-06899313e252">Re: Does this make me mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I don't think you're mean.  He's taking advantage of you being home, which isn't fair.  <strong>You shouldn't have to become his mom</strong> just because you don't have a job right now. 
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Chiming in late here, but I'd just like to point out that it's NOT a mom's job to pick up after her children, either. Teach them how to clean up after themselves, absolutely! My children have been cleaning up their own dishes since they were 3 or 4. I can count on one hand the number of dishes they have ever broken in that time (almost 9 years).

JanoBean75

FI was out of work for a year. While he did most of the cleaning (he's just like that anyway, though), any day I was off was MY day to plan meals and cook.

Our basic rules are: he does the wash/laundry, I fold and put away; he cooks, I clean (and vice versa); he picks up and straightens, I dust and vacuum. Whoever didn't wash the dishes has to put them away. We alternate the litterbox duties.

Anyway, he spent more time looking for work, tailoring his resume, writing cover letters, speaking with recruiters, etc. than not. I never expected him to be the maid. Your H is being a bit of a brat. It's DRAINING to look for a job. I was out of work the year before FI was and it was exhausting. He needs to understand that keeping house is shared.

KTAgee

Or you could be childish like I was: save everything he left out, and put it in a big pile on his side of the bed. He hasn't done any of that nonsense since. hahaha!

sarah42nd

My fiancee (FI) doesn't do the dishes but I only do them once a day while I am making dinner if my stepson who is 19 months isn't up my bum. The garbage ticks me off too. I will tell him 3 times to do it and he barely remembers 25 percent of the time. Thats the only thing I ask him to do is take out the trash twice a week . But FI does alot at work so  I can see hime forgetting to do it. But I just leave the trash there most of the time (unless its trash day ) , Then he finally gets the picture. Its almost like he thinks that Stepson and I just sit around the house all day and hang out. I wish. But I always remind him on the weekends when he has to be around stepson all day that I deal with it 7 days a week 24 hours a day and then he starts to get it. Hope it gets better for you . It sounds like your FI is just being lazy not throwing his things away .