Stressed!

mylife15

Does anyone else find wedding planning extremely stressful? I am excited and all but wow its a lot of work. I am trying to hold it together but when I keep getting opinions and advice from every person I know I want to scream. Not to mention some of my bridesmaids haven't gotten along very well the last couple of days. They were fine until they started helping to plan my wedding. I still have many days left but everyone else acts like its just around the corner.

 What is it about weddings that seems to bring the worst out in people? My MIL has been begging me to wear her grandmothers dress as a way to remember her. Don't get me wrong I love my MIL but the dress is hideous, I really don't want to hurt her feelings. How do I deal with all of this without going crazy? I am more or less just throwing ideas around since its still so far away but my family thinks thngs need to already be done. I am wanting to just tell them to leave me alone already. Well I just wanted to rant a little, thnaks for listening everyone. 

AddieCake

Your wedding is over two years away. Just enjoy being engaged for now and tell everyone to back off the planning. What planning have your bridesmaids already been helping with this far out?!

manjermj

Wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it.  I planned our entire wedding for 150 people in less than 6 months with my now husband on the other side of the country. Stop letting so much bother you, get organized, make decisions and stick to them. That's all you can do and things will go smooth.

Calypso1977

its really not that hard unless you  make it hard.

if you obsess over every minute detail that no one (not even you) will notice or remember you will crazy.

just focus, be organized, and know that none of it really matters other than the license, your officiant, you, and your groom.

[Deleted User]

I agree with the other comments - you have time! And people can't argue with your decisions if you don't discuss them... I'm learning this one too.  So go easy on the planning talk for now and enjoy your engagement!
Also, a possible sollution for the MIL issue with the dress. I am using a piece of my mother's/grandmother's veil as a bouquet wrap. It is my "something old," honors them and allowed me to pick my own dress drama-free!

Maggie0829

When I first got engaged and started the planning process I got majorly overwhelmed by everything that had to be done and started to stress.  After 3 glasses of wine I smacked myself upside the head because I realized that this should be fun not stressful.  I made a list of everything that I needed to do in the priority I wanted to do it.  I then ripped that list into smaller lists (maybe 3-5 things).  I then worked on one list at a time.  This made things seem less overwhelming and more enjoyable because I could focus my energy on only a few things.

Your wedding is a long way off.  It may not seem like it to you but it is.  Enjoy being engaged for the next 6 months and then start planning your wedding.  Enjoy the process and have fun.  You only get to do it once (or so they say) and you don't want to look back on it with unhappy memories.

Jager1219

I actually disagree with everyone.  I had a really stressful time planning from the start and it only just recently got better.  It would have been easy if we were paying (as opposed to my parents) because I would have full control over everything.  Many people will tell you money = strings and that is very much the case.  We (my family and I) had a lot of fights because we had different visions for the wedding.  I wanted small & intimate & my parents wanted a bigger wedding.  From there it was arguing over different photogs, how elaborate the centerpieces should be, if we should have inner envelopes, etc etc etc.  You name it, there was a discussion about it.

When everything really hit the fan was after a year of planning and booking vendors, FI's parents (who are not contributing) made us change our date & lose some of our deposits (long story that I won't go into).

The only thing I can say is that it's gotten better now that the big decisions have been made.  I won some battles & lost some others (I will admit, some for the better), but overall there really isn't much that I'd change if I was to do it again.

As for your BM, there's nothing that they really need to be involved in at this point.  Mine really just got invovled with picking out dresses (and yes, there were many arguments with my sister over the shade of blue - colbalt vs. royal blue.  It was that silly).

So there's my vent, but yes, I know what you're going through.  Hang in there!

michellemayawheeler

Organization. Letters to all about the agenda oft this moment. Firm and polite responses.

A wedding is fantasy, not always your fantasy, so others impose their opinion of your day.

When you have a wedding stress, keep it basic. Get throught checklist. Plan 3 or 4 days a week.

michellemayawheeler

Organization. Letters to all about the agenda oft this moment. Firm and polite responses.

A wedding is fantasy, not always your fantasy, so others impose their opinion of your day.

When you have a wedding stress, keep it basic. Get throught checklist. Plan 3 or 4 days a week.

MRWykes

I remember losing sleep over planning stress in the first few weeks after I got engaged. It was too early to be that stressed! I have found that following a time line (try the wedding checklist from TK) helped my stress because it outlines what you need to have done and by when. Once I was able to start checking things off and having a list of specific things to do it felt less overwhelming. Just do one thing at a time and when people give you wacky suggestions just say "we might consider that." It worked for me.

Sierra524

You have almost 2 years to plan! I dont think you really need to worry about anything right now.

reppunzel

Planning a wedding, like any event, is going to have its stress points; yours will be different from someone else's, but they're there.  Some experience stress because someone else is paying and thus there are strings (had a friend who experienced this); for others, the stress is working with a very tight budget due to paying yourselves (yours truly).

Pressure (I wouldn't say "stress" at that point) ramped up for me with the New Year ... suddenly the April wedding that had seemed so far away in the fall was right around the corner.  I did hit a point of stress in mid-January when problems developed with our ceremony venue, or reception venue, and our photographer had an unresolvable conflict come up for our date ... all within a week!  

I got some excellent advice at that time, to be sure to take time away from planning to cultivate my relationship with FI, and I can't say how valuable that has been.  Especially when you have so much time, be sure to enjoy being engaged NOW -- it does change your relationship, and it can be a delightful time if you don't let wedding stuff run rampant.  Enjoy growing closer to being one ... that "almost but not yet."  Play around with ideas, but let the serious wedding planning wait until 16 or 18 months out.

And when you do talk wedding, be sure that you're talking first to him -- even if he's not big into the details, it's your wedding together.  PP have great suggestions on planning and there are some good online tools for dividing up the work.  It can seem really overwhelming if you look at the whole thing all at once -- do it like eating an elephant, one bite at a time.

Finally, realize that those around you (family and friends) are likely caught up in the same wave of enthusiasm and excitement that you are!  You aren't going to be able to please everyone and they will all have an opinion.  Learn to nod and smile and acknowlege the heart behind the suggestion:

Friend:  "You know what?!?  You should totally have bobbing for apples at your reception!!!  I mean, you and FI met at an orchard, and it's so perfect!!!"

You:  "Oh, wow!  I hadn't thought of that.  FI and I are still looking at some of the big things, like venues right now, but that's a very interesting idea."

And if that doesn't settle it, then bean dip:

Friend:  "Oh, oh, oh!!!  And give everyone, like, leaf crowns to wear!  They'd be so totally darling as your favors!"

You:  <laugh (nicely)> "Wow, <friend's name>, you come up with such creative ideas!  Oh, did you see that <store> is having a sale this week?"

Everyone will have ideas and want to give input on your plans because they love you and want to be part of this big occasion in your lives (or, sometimes, because they want control, or were frustrated in their own wedding plans and want to live vicariously, etc.).  Smile politely, thank them and then evaluate whether it's worth keeping the idea or pitching it.  I work as a midwife assistant, and I think the only time people feel more entitled to speak into your life than re: wedding planning is when you're pregnant!  So it's good practice!  Nod - smile - acknowlege - bean dip.

[Deleted User]

Well, you shouldn't really even have bridesmaids at this point, so. There's that.

missfrodo

Worrying about planning now is going to make you real sick of your wedding by the time it comes around.  You could start looking at ideas and think about what kind of venue you want, but there's really no need to stress right now.  If you've already asked girls to be BMs, you can't back out on that now, but I would defintiely stop talking wedding with them for a while.  If they try to take over planning, don't let them!  It's your wedding, you and FI (and whoever is paying, if applicable) are the only people who need to worry about details.  When they start asking where you are in planning, let them know it's still early, then change the subject.  Repeat as necessary. 

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ce07b46-d23c-43f5-850b-0c9aef3cc00bPost:6c31e4bd-7a47-4571-939f-7dc13be24fdb">Re: Stressed!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, you shouldn't really even have bridesmaids at this point, so. There's that.
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

<div>This is what I was thinking too.  </div><div>
</div><div>OP - most venues won't even take reservations until 12 months ahead of time.  If you're not getting married until July 2015, enjoy being engaged for about a year, then start planning.  Nothing wrong with gathering ideas (indulge in a Pinterest frenzy to keep them all straight if you like) but your tastes, friendships, priorities will all be different in 12-18 months so just relax and let some ideas float around, but don't stress about details yet.  </div><div>
</div><div>And PP's have given you some great pointers for keeping perspective when you do start planning - set at least one day a week as a wedding-free day where you don't work on, talk about, or even think about anything wedding related - learn how to "bean dip" friends and family when they offer unwanted advice/suggestions/ideas, and talk with your FI about what is important to you and focus on making sure you get that, and remember the rest of it is just extra and not worth stressing over.</div>

Jager1219

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ce07b46-d23c-43f5-850b-0c9aef3cc00bPost:eba02f7c-731c-4d33-85a0-9e86fd11b30e">Re: Stressed!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stressed! : This is what I was thinking too.   OP - <strong>most venues won't even take reservations until 12 months ahead of time.</strong>  If you're not getting married until July 2015, enjoy being engaged for about a year, then start planning.  Nothing wrong with gathering ideas (indulge in a Pinterest frenzy to keep them all straight if you like) but your tastes, friendships, priorities will all be different in 12-18 months so just relax and let some ideas float around, but don't stress about details yet.   And PP's have given you some great pointers for keeping perspective when you do start planning - set at least one day a week as a wedding-free day where you don't work on, talk about, or even think about anything wedding related - learn how to "bean dip" friends and family when they offer unwanted advice/suggestions/ideas, and talk with your FI about what is important to you and focus on making sure you get that, and remember the rest of it is just extra and not worth stressing over.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
That really depends on the area.  In my area, venues are booked well over a year in advance.  Most engagements are 2 years on average if you want a Sat. evening.  Fridays are easier to come by, but not common.  As a point of reference, I got engaged Oct 2011.  I started looking at venues late Oct-early Nov.  At that time, May-Oct 2012 were completely booked for Sats and most Fridays (with the exception of Friday July 13...that was always open).  In May 2012, we had to change our wedding date.  We had 1 Sat. open at our venue for May 2013.

McRogol

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ce07b46-d23c-43f5-850b-0c9aef3cc00bPost:19714ffb-cc5f-407a-bbba-066562aa250f">Re: Stressed!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stressed! : That really depends on the area.  <strong>In my area, venues are booked well over a year in advance. </strong> Most engagements are 2 years on average if you want a Sat. evening.  Fridays are easier to come by, but not common.  As a point of reference, I got engaged Oct 2011.  I started looking at venues late Oct-early Nov.  At that time, May-Oct 2012 were completely booked for Sats and most Fridays (with the exception of Friday July 13...that was always open).  In May 2012, we had to change our wedding date.  We had 1 Sat. open at our venue for May 2013.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Same for us - We were engaged in January 2012 and by April when we returned east to look at venues, there were no Saturdays available at most venues for the following summer.  So, I agree that some of the bg things need to be handled sooner rather than later.  Photographers were another tough one - people booked far in advance.</div><div>
</div><div>Try not to stress...easy to say and hard to not too.  The beginning was very overwhelming for me.  Finding the venue and a caterer were hard for us - but once that was handled, things got a bit easier.</div>