Tardy guests

JoelandLeann

I am having an outdoor ceremony at 1 pm on Aug 25th. I just confirmed everything with my wedding commissioner and she emphasized that the ceremony starts at 1 pm. How do I tactfully tell my guests that they must be on time? Obviously the invites have already been sent out. I was at a wedding this past weekend that was planned to start at 3pm and people were still arrving at 330pm. 

Thus far, I have spread the word through my wedding party to "spread the word" in the nicest way possible. Any advice?

QueerFemme

I'm worried about this also... but, really, there is no polite way to tell grown people to be on time for something.  We are going to have our coordinator sort of stand by the parking area (which isn't very far from the ceremony site) and just sort of hold people back at least until I get down the aisle, so people aren't walking down the aisle with me.

Summer2011Bride

There is no polite way to tell your guests to be on time. The majority will. As someone who is always early to weddings, I'd be offended if you told me to make sure I was on time, as I make being prompt a priority always. Those who will be late will not heed your warning anyhow, and you risk offending all your other guests who know to show up on time/early for a wedding.

You can have your coordinator make those who show up tardy wait to get seated until the WP and you have processed in. She can also ask them/direct them to enter their seats on one of the sides instead of down the main aisle to try to minimize the distraction.

sucrets4

You can't.  

But chances are you'll be too busy getting married to notice stragglers, anyway.

JessAndTrav

SOOKIE. You're pregnant?! Congratulations, girl.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tardy-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e854536-9071-4477-bc53-88d50d3822e8Post:3cf9597b-7c78-4933-bfb2-319ec5a9d6bf">Re: Tardy guests</a>:
[QUOTE]SOOKIE. You're pregnant?! Congratulations, girl.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

<div>I am!  Hoping this one sticks, but it's looking good so far.  There's a baby with a hb in there!  I came back to visit and dole out some advice.  :-)</div>

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tardy-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e854536-9071-4477-bc53-88d50d3822e8Post:1f9f362a-01d8-46c6-8d6f-d570edf5c787">Re: Tardy guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tardy guests : I am!  Hoping this one sticks, but it's looking good so far.  There's a baby with a hb in there!  I came back to visit and dole out some advice.  :-)
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

<div>Aw, I am so happy for you. :) </div>

Loopyseven

Hi Sucrets  

OP - The way you ensure you start on time, is to start on time. Stragglers can sneak in quietly and sit in the back, or miss it.  You'll be too busy gazing at your husband as you say your vows to notice.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tardy-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e854536-9071-4477-bc53-88d50d3822e8Post:a2bce31e-134d-4893-9517-7c4e9f9b7f7b">Re: Tardy guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tardy guests : Aw, I am so happy for you. :) 
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

<div>TY!  How are you doing??  Look how pregnant you are!!  </div><div>
</div><div>I'm terrible and don't follow any blogs, so I haven't been keeping up with you aside from FB.  How are things?  Ready for an outside baby?</div>

JessAndTrav

Definitely ready for an outside baby.

Good to see you here, but I'm going to bed. Congrats again!

tanyanubin

At my sister's wedding  the groom's family lived directly across the street from the church,They held everything up for a 1/2 hour waiting for them--including the groom and his parents , who sauntered in late, strolling up to the front row, past an entire church full of annoyed guests like nothing was wrong. ugh. The entire bridal party had been lined up and ready for 1/2 hour! A cousin of mine showed up at my other sister's wedding late--he walked in as the newly married couple was walking out. If you're really afraid of this kind of thing, you could put the start time as a half hour earlier. You wouldn't have to actually seat anyone until 10 minutes before, and the guest would get to visit and mingle. I guess people will still show up late but it would cut down on some of it, anyway. 

Stackeye210

tanyanubin so you're saying people who show up on time, or even 20 minutes early b/c they respect the wedding party should have to sit around for upwards of an hour b/c of people that can't seem to get to a place when they're supposed to be there?  No, just no. 

You start the wedding at the start time, if someone shows up at 1:12, 1:17, 1:30 then they miss the vows.  It is what it is, show some respect for the bride and groom and be on time. 

OP, there isn't much you can say about stressing to be on time.  The invite with the start time is more than efficient. 

Being late is my number one pet peeve and judgement on people though, so I don't care at all if they miss something b/c they can't respect a start time.

JoelandLeann

Thanks for the advice ladies. I will just ensure my main people have the message (such as the groom and the groomsmen) and try to not worry about this aspect. 

You're probably right in saying, I mot likely won't notice.

And sucrets, congrats on the pregnancy!

mcskatcat

There isn't much you can do without being rude.  My aunt and uncle were late, which actually was sort-of awful because our we were married outdoors and there was a big gravel road leading up to the venue and you could hear them being late.  And later on, they told us it was because they stopped to get $$ for the dollar dance we did not have.  

I feel like the first thing brides should be told when they get engaged is that they can't control everything.  You'll lose a lot less sleep if you understand that. 

Calypso1977

its up to them to be ontime.  if they cant, their loss.
dont reward bad behavior by starting late to accomodate them.

crash2729

OP- Nothing. Assume they are adults and can handle their business.
For my Wedding we started on time.
H's dad was late but we weren't going to hold everyone else up waiting. Also, when we were making our exit someone was just coming in.
*shrug*

pkontk

I was in a wedding when the bride (per her coordinator's instruction) put 5:00 as the start time, but did not actually begin until 5:30 because they thought people wouldn't be on time for a 5:00 wedding.  It was an outdoor ceremony on a 95 degree day - those who were on time didn't look very happy to wait that long.  Don't do this to your guests, just start on time and those who are late can feel like the a-holes.

pink34562000

My FH and I hate being late, so we are the type of people who get to places early or on time. We have an agreement that our wedding will start at the time on the invitations no matter who is late. Both of us, our parents and bridal party will get there early so there should be no issues. It's unfair for guests who took time out of their day to show up early or on time for stranglers. 

StephBeanWed61502

At my friend's wedding, her coordinator set up a waiting area inside, away from the outdoor ceremony, for guests who arrived after the ceremony had started, so they wouldn't interrupt the ceremony. The guests who were late were bummed to miss out, but it prevented the usual disruption caused by late guests. As log as your VIPs know to be on time, don't worry about the rest.

funandfreckles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tardy-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e854536-9071-4477-bc53-88d50d3822e8Post:714af61a-f303-4159-b135-11387628ef7c">Tardy guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having an outdoor ceremony at 1 pm on Aug 25th. I just confirmed everything with my wedding commissioner and she emphasized that the ceremony starts at 1 pm. How do I tactfully tell my guests that they must be on time? Obviously the invites have already been sent out.<strong> I was at a wedding this past weekend that was planned to start at 3pm and people were still arrving at 330pm.</strong>  Thus far, I have spread the word through my wedding party to "spread the word" in the nicest way possible. Any advice?
Posted by JoelandLeann[/QUOTE]

That's ridiculous, and quite frankly, kind of hard to believe.

You can't tell your guests to be on time without sounding like a heinous bridezilla. The time you indicated on the invitation should do that for you...if people are late, they look like idiots, not you.

shanding4787

I'm one of those people who honestly would straight up stop the ceremony if someone walked in late. I think it's SO rude. We went to a friend's wedding last year and there were people sneaking in AS the bride walked down the aisle. 

ootmother2

Yes, people should have the good manners to show up on time.

My sister, her H and DD ran up the side aisle about 30 seconds before the bride and her dad started up the aisle.  I wanted to strangle her.  And her daughter who sobbed hysterically through the entire ceremony.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tardy-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e854536-9071-4477-bc53-88d50d3822e8Post:b111bcc1-458d-400c-9016-d5995f4f5eee">Re: Tardy guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm one of those people who honestly would straight up stop the ceremony if someone walked in late. I think it's SO rude. We went to a friend's wedding last year and there were people sneaking in AS the bride walked down the aisle. 
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

<div>This happened at our wedding (well, we saw them so we waited for them to go in a side door), but there was a really bad accident on the freeway and most of our guests were late.  Things happen.</div><div>
</div><div>With an outdoor wedding, I'd just make sure your coordinator stands kind of between the parking area and the ceremony site so she can catch people as they get there late (if they do) and let them know the ceremony has already started but they're welcome to stand in the back to watch.</div><div>
</div><div>It may not be a problem though - the most recent wedding I was at, almost all of the guests had a 90 min to 2 hour drive and everyone was way early!</div>

littleluckypenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tardy-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e854536-9071-4477-bc53-88d50d3822e8Post:b111bcc1-458d-400c-9016-d5995f4f5eee">Re: Tardy guests</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm one of those people who honestly would straight up stop the ceremony if someone walked in late</strong>. I think it's SO rude. We went to a friend's wedding last year and there were people sneaking in AS the bride walked down the aisle. 
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

DH threatened to do this at our wedding.  And he meant it.  We are both punctual people, however my family is notoriously late for <em>everything</em>.  As in if something started at 4, they would start <strong>getting ready</strong> at 4:30.  I wouldn't tell my friends or other guests to be on time, but I told my<strong> </strong>family that the wedding started at 3.  I'm starting processional music at 3.  If you are not there, just go to the reception, because we were under no circumstances allowing anyone in after 3pm.  Guess I scared them with my threat and DH's threat, because they all showed up on time.

lgoin1

Since I come from a notoriously late family... you can do kind of what luckypenny ^^ did.  Your notoriously late friends? Jokingly threaten them.  I will be doing this to my mother lol But honestly, don't worry about it.  Don't tell guests you have an earlier start time than you really do.  If people come in late, just relax and focus on saying your vows and your darling in front of you doing the same.  You will ruin your wedding day by trying to get everything to be absolutely perfect