Insert into specific Wedding Invitations

amawerling

Hello knotties!

I am getting ready to make out the invitations, it's all coming up so fast!

I had posted before about not inviting my cousin's children. Most of you agreed with me that it was fair and you have to have a cut off point. I was thinking about putting a small insert into their wedding invitations that simply read: "Due to space limitation, we regretfully cannot accommodate your children, but hope you can still celebrate with us."


I think this is the most polite way possible to inform them that their children aren't invited. The only reason I wanted to do the insert, is because I'm positive most of them won't get the hint that just because only their names are on the actual invitation, their kids aren't invited. I figured this would save me an awkward phonecall and surprises at the reception.

Thoughts? Is this unbelievably rude? I'm just not sure.  I was even thinking of hiring one or two  of my high school cousins to babysit to smooth things over.

sparent2010

I wouldn't do this. I would just address the invite to the cousin and spouse and leave it at that if they RSVP for their children I would then call them up and read the response you were going to put on the insert.

chattychiqa

I think it may be more impolite than a guest assuming their child was welcome and RSVP'ing. As uncomfortable as it may be, your best bet is to respond to such RSVP's, though I appreciate you want to take preemptive action though.

amawerling

That's what I was originally going to do. Then I feared that they would just put their names on the RSVP and show up with their kids anyways. I guess I'm preparing myself for multiple situations. But that's why I asked.

J&K10910

Honestly, if they're rude enoughnot  to realize their children aren't invited when they don't see their names or a space for them on the RSVP card, they're probably rude enough to bring them along KNOWING they aren't invited.  So there's that.

What we did, to ward off the bringing of the entire extended family, is I went through and hand wrote names on the RSVPs.  My awesome graphic designer actually made us separate RSVP cards with 1 line, 2 lines, 3 lines, etc.  Then I wrote the names.  It worked pretty well for us.

gananoque

I agree with the others. I think it is more rude to put in these inserts. Try giving your cousins a little credit. Maybe they're not all total idiots. And maybe if it comes to having to have that awkward conversation, your Mom can help you out.

Though it's a bit passive aggressive (not behaviour I normally support) in these situations it can be helpful to plant a few subtle hints. Maybe when your Mom is talking to your aunt she can say, "It's too bad we don't have room to accommodate so-and-so's adorable children at the wedding..." Just start spreading the word that it's going to be an adults-only affair and they should catch on.

tpender13

Ditto PPs. Especially the personalized RSVPs. It's also helpful if you're asking them to make a meal choice. Ours looked like this...

Jane Smith   chicken__ beef__ declines__
John Smith   chicken__ beef__ declines__

July2012bride

Ditto J&K.  We are planning to individually write the names on the RSVP.  We are doing a plated dinner and it will make everything easier if we know exactly who wants what to eat.  It also does double duty since we don't have an inner envelope by stating exactly who is invited.

I've also seen

"We have reserved {x} seats in your honor" with a line that has:

 ___ of {x} will be in attendance

 ___ of {x} regretfully decline

I don't like that as much, it seems a bit impersonal and I don't know if they are a faux pas.  Although I guess any RSVP card is technically an etiquette faux pas since guests are technically supposed to write a formal response themselves.

ETA: clarity.

redheadfsu

Don't do the insert, that is really rude.

Just make a special RSVP card for them that is very very very clear like above examples. If they add their kids, then you call & correct them.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_insert-specific-wedding-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ecd634e-d806-4cd6-a482-6dfa7819f727Post:730bf3c2-e23f-4c03-8477-2ea980285374">Re: Insert into specific Wedding Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto J&K.  We are planning to individually write the names on the RSVP.  We are doing a plated dinner and it will make everything easier if we know exactly who wants what to eat.  It also does double duty since we don't have an inner envelope by stating exactly who is invited. I've also seen "We have reserved {x} seats in your honor" with a line that has:  ___ of {x}  will be in attendance  ___ of {x} regretfully decline I don't like that as much, it seems a bit impersonal and I don't know if they are a faux pas.  Although I guess any RSVP card is technically an etiquette faux pas since guests are technically supposed to write a formal response themselves. ETA: clarity.
Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]

Just for a variation on this, I received an RSVP last summer worded as follows:

M______________
___ accepts with pleasure
___ declines with regret
Number of guests attending: ___ of _[X]_

Also not sure if this is technically rude, but it didn't really bother me.

mollyehren

Honestly I think you would be ok doing that, if you can avoid a confrontation that way it might be easier. However I would change the wording. "Due to space limitation, we regretfully cannot accommodate your children, but hope you can still celebrate with us".  I would get rid of the YOUR it kinda implies that their kids are awful which while they might be no parent likes the implication that their kids are brats or that they have done a bad job raising them.

dogsandfrogs

As tempting as it is, I agree with the PP's that you should leave the insert out.  The potential drama it could create is far greater than the awkwardness of calling them up after.

We're also afraid the same thing will happen, so we're doing what other PP's have said and are doing personalized RSVP cards with everyone's name on them.  It'll also help keep our meal choices organized, which will be a major plus after watching the chaos that ensued when we were trying to get things ready for FSIL's wedding last summer.

amawerling

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I think we might be going with the personalized RSVP cards! Let's face it though, no matter how much you tip toe around anything, SOMEONE will get offended.