Guest list problems

daydreamerr87

Hi all! I wasn't sure where to put this, I hope it's okay that it's here.

My FI and I have huge families and right now our guest list is out of control. I keep trying to cut my side down, but I'm meeting resistance from my parents (who are paying for a part of the wedding). I am also trying to get my FI to cut down his list, but he feels like everyone needs to be invited. Including all of his young cousins (they are all his first cousins' children) under the age of 10. We are at 340 or so right now and want to shoot for 250.

What should I do? My FI will be paying for whatever else needs to get paid for after my parents' contribution, but he will be using money he saved up to buy a house. 

[Deleted User]

If your parents are paying, then they have the say on the final head count. You need to ask them for a number of people you can invite or pay for the additional people you want yourselves. Wedding planning involves a lot of compromise, so you and your FI may need to sit down and trim the guest list a few times before you have the final one.

hlq2011

Have you sat down and told your FI what the cost is going to come out to?

Your parents have control to a point, since they're paying some of the costs.  But they don't get so much control that they get to increase what you're paying above what you're comfortable with.

Sit down, hash out what they are giving you and what you are paying, and figure out what you can accommodate.  After that point, whoever wants more guests has to be willing to pony up the money to pay for them.

Milsey32

Cut yours to 125 and have him do the same. Enough said. Can your venue hold 340? Can you afford 340? I would rather have 250 guests with more money towards a house than 340 guests... but that's just me. 

I know what it's like to have a huge family, so I know it sucks to have to cut people - but think long and hard about people you really want there to witness your big day.

daydreamerr87

My parents aren't paying for the whole thing, that's the problem. They have enough money to pay for less than half of the cost of the wedding as a whole. And I'm fine with keeping our side to where it is, it's just getting my FI to realize 200 people on his side is too many and we just can't afford it.

daydreamerr87

Ha, exactly! I would MUCH rather have the money toward a house. And so would he, he just freaks out easily. I think 125 per is a good goal. I'll try that and hope he doesn't get too stressed.

impslave

In all honesty, I wouldn't touch the house down payment savings.  No party is worth using money that is earmarked for an investment like a house.

That said, is it too far into the process to gently tell your parents, "Thank you for the offer to pay a portion of the wedding, but FI and I will save up for it?"  I'm a big believer in the couple paying for their own wedding.  It may result in a longer engagement while you save, but you'll have less family-related headaches in the end.

Otherwise, you can sit your FI and parents down and discuss a reasonable guest list that will fit the amount that your parents have offered to contribute.  Some family members may get butthurt over not being invited, but a smaller and more manageable wedding will be worth it.

GL!

FutureMrsTR

The most you can do is show your FI on paper how much those extra guests are going to cost and how that will affect a downpayment on a house.  Maybe calculate out how much longer it will take you to save for a house or how much more each month it will cost you if you put less down...something like that.  It's easy to get caught up when you're spending so much money and it starts to lose meaning.

janinekk

Wow, that is a lot of people! When we were still planning on a big wedding, I had sent both sets of parents an excel spreadsheet and assigned a number of guests to each. I told them to list guests from most important/most want there, to least, and that we would start cutting from the bottom up of both sides to make numbers work. Same with FH and myself. That way everyone got an equal share of guests. =O) ................... Sounds a lot easier than it seems to be though. Good thing we're not doing that anymore! LOL Can't imagine the stress!

daydreamerr87

Thanks for all the advice everyone! I will try all these ideas and hope we can make it down to our target number.

BrideBling82

You'll  be fine....I was in the same boat about 5 months ago. We too planned a large wedding 300 people....which would mean that we would have 150 a piece. When the numbers started adding up so did the tax and the gratuity. My sister got married 11 years ago and we had about 500 people. But back then it was cheaper and we did all the food and decorations...I'm not so lucky. So we dropped the list to 250, like the ladies have mentioned 125 a piece. It has been a struggle but we made it. We also did spreadsheets to figure out who we really wantd to come. He has a large family and has insisted that all his first cousins and their kids be invited.  My first cousins probably won't make the trip bc they are out of town.My parents are paying for the wedding but the budget stops at 250 people. His dad has offered to pay for the overflow.....not sure if this will happen in reality but he did mention it. Our venue is accomdating the kids....kids eat for 10.99 so if we go over a little we'll pay for the kids seperately...and make sure the adults are in the 250 count. All I can say is put paper to pencil and see if the money is really there but think about life after the wedding!!! Good Luck