Etiquette vent.

MMLM2012

I've never really posted here (mostly my local board) but I came here for all my etiquette advice- I came into the wedding process knowing nothing. I made an effort to make sure I respected/didn't offend any of my guests- and the advice here is spot on. I followed everything I learned and it was definitely worth it.

But NOW we have super close friends going through the process...and their lack of etiquette is driving me CRAZY! Any one else experience this?? Just some examples:

- Sent save the dates out 8 months ahead of time...and asked for RSVPs. How are you supposed to commit to an event that far out??
- Addressed our invitations to the wrong last name. We were married in April...they were at the wedding. Heard how we were announced, it's all over facebook, etc etc...I really don't feel like it's that hard.
- HAND WROTE in "+registry info" next to their wedding website address...ON the actual invitation...that was really pretty and probably expensive! First of all, don't include registry info on the invite...secondly...why would you ruin the invite by writing it in by hand???

I don't know why this bothered me so much, but needed to vent. Anyone else way more prone to get annoyed by etiquette faux-pas now that they've been through the process? Or do I need to just relax and get over it?

brandichamberlain

Ehh, there isn't a ton you can do so I would try not to get too worked up about it. But I can see how it's somewhat annoying.  Maybe try suggesting TK to her so she can come and get some good advice for the rest of the day.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fa2aab0-f306-4762-bdaf-d3b8ad2d3426Post:dd30b5c8-2f29-4a98-b58f-859bb4b2e341">Etiquette vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never really posted here (mostly my local board) but I came here for all my etiquette advice- I came into the wedding process knowing nothing. I made an effort to make sure I respected/didn't offend any of my guests- and the advice here is spot on. I followed everything I learned and it was definitely worth it. But NOW we have super close friends going through the process...and their lack of etiquette is driving me CRAZY! Any one else experience this?? Just some examples: - Sent save the dates out 8 months ahead of time...and asked for RSVPs. How are you supposed to commit to an event that far out?? - Addressed our invitations to the wrong last name. We were married in April...they were at the wedding. Heard how we were announced, it's all over facebook, etc etc...I really don't feel like it's that hard. - HAND WROTE in "+registry info" next to their wedding website address...ON the actual invitation...that was really pretty and probably expensive! First of all, don't include registry info on the invite...secondly...why would you ruin the invite by writing it in by hand??? I don't know why this bothered me so much, but needed to vent. Anyone else way more prone to get annoyed by etiquette faux-pas now that they've been through the process? <strong>Or do I need to just relax and get over it?</strong>
Posted by mwaters21[/QUOTE]
Yeah, it's eye roll worthy so give an eye roll and then get over it.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

lyndausvi

Just roll your eyes and move on.

BTW people spell my name wrong all the time in FB, when my name is right above them.  Or they will spell my name wrong when my email has the correct spelling.    Even on here people will spell my name wrong and it's in my username.  

MMLM2012

Yeah I figured the eye roll thing was the answer, and honestly I'm not sure why I care so much, I think it's just because I made such an effort NOT to do those things. 

Anyway. It's strange how much venting to people you don't know can make you feel better....so thanks for listening!

Mrs.B6302007

Linda, I can't believe someone would spell your name wrong!

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fa2aab0-f306-4762-bdaf-d3b8ad2d3426Post:aaf1d3c3-4917-4b61-b025-a2d809263bb8">Re: Etiquette vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]Linda, I can't believe someone would spell your name wrong!
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

<div><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div>

brilibby4

Since planning a wedding (and joining this site), I definitely tend to notice poor etiquette more often than before.  It bugs me, but I just let it be.

HandBanana

I know how you feel. I like to remind myself that only I can allow something to bother, take a deep breath, exhale, and let it go.

amorg334

I understand it is really bothersome.  A while ago my Fiance and I were invited to his cousins wedding and she mailed our invitation with both our names to his parents house who live over an hour away from us.  When we asked it (because we were not told about the wedding until a day before the RSVPS were due back) his mom told us it was because his cousin didnt know the address and thought it would be easier than calling us and asking or going on facebook and messaging either one of us.  But alas sometimes people just dont think 

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fa2aab0-f306-4762-bdaf-d3b8ad2d3426Post:6dd71151-f0cf-428c-b754-95400bce4b56">Re: Etiquette vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand it is really bothersome.  A while ago my Fiance and I were invited to his cousins wedding and she mailed our invitation with both our names to his parents house who live over an hour away from us.  When we asked it (because we were not told about the wedding until a day before the RSVPS were due back) his mom told us it was because his cousin didnt know the address and thought it would be easier than calling us and asking or going on facebook and messaging either one of us.  But alas sometimes people just dont think 
Posted by amorg334[/QUOTE]

<div>We'd been married 6 years when H's family sent an invitation to his parents.  it was addressed to </div><div>
</div><div>MIL and FIL</div><div>SIL and Nephew</div><div>Drama and Mr Drama</div><div>
</div><div>At his parents' address.</div><div>
</div><div>Of course, his other sister and her husband got their own invitation.  Go figure.</div>

amorg334

The funny thing is our invitation was addressed just to us.  His parents got a separate invite.

Cackle6

I completely understand your frustration. I went to a DW that made the biggest E blunders, and while I should have just let it go, it took me a little while to get over it.

We spent a lot of money to fly down and stay for the weekend, which was fine, we were the ones who decided to go after all. But then after the ceremony, we come to find out that the reception dinner was "optional," and that if we wanted to go we would be paying for our own meal. Needless to say I was livid. We almost just went back to the hotel and skipped the dinner. And after dinner they were talking about the honeymoon they were leaving for the next day. So they couldn't afford to feed us, but could afford a honeymoon? Ridiculous.

Then, adding insult to injury, they included their registry info on the invites they sent out for their AHR (which I would have skipped had I not already purchased airfare and it was in my hometown). The AHR was of course a cash bar. AND the day before the AHR, my friend, the groom, asked if I'd be willing to help out by keeping an eye on water glasses and helping clear plates so that they could save money and not hire as many servers. I lost it at that point and told him absolutely not, that they should spend the extra money and let their guests be guests. They instead just asked family to do it.

And after all that (easily spending over $1500 for both the DW and AHR, as my H came with to the DW), we didn't get a thank you card because we didn't give a physical gift, just a card. Yet my mom, who didn't go to either event, gave a card with $20, and SHE got a thank you card. Yeah, I was a little bitter.

So that's my long way of saying I completely understand, and while we should just move on, sometimes it takes a little while, heh. It sure makes for a fun story about what NOT to do when planning a wedding now.

amorg334

Cackle.  That is just crazy I can not believe those people actually did that.  

MMLM2012

Wow- that's just ridiculous!! That definitely tops what I've dealt with.

I think it's just so offensive because it's not just about "following the rules", it's about thinking about people other than yourselves and being a gracious host.

I cannot believe they asked you to pick up glasses. I cannot fathom asking a guest to do that!! And why have an AHR if you can't even afford to pay for everyone's dinner at your actual reception?

 In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fa2aab0-f306-4762-bdaf-d3b8ad2d3426Post:fd88e2d0-9766-446b-b81f-650147d21e75">Re: Etiquette vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely understand your frustration. I went to a DW that made the biggest E blunders, and while I should have just let it go, it took me a little while to get over it. We spent a lot of money to fly down and stay for the weekend, which was fine, we were the ones who decided to go after all. But then after the ceremony, we come to find out that the reception dinner was "optional," and that if we wanted to go we would be paying for our own meal. Needless to say I was livid. We almost just went back to the hotel and skipped the dinner. And after dinner they were talking about the honeymoon they were leaving for the next day. So they couldn't afford to feed us, but could afford a honeymoon? Ridiculous. Then, adding insult to injury, they included their registry info on the invites they sent out for their AHR (which I would have skipped had I not already purchased airfare and it was in my hometown). The AHR was of course a cash bar. AND the day before the AHR, my friend, the groom, asked if I'd be willing to help out by keeping an eye on water glasses and helping clear plates so that they could save money and not hire as many servers. I lost it at that point and told him absolutely not, that they should spend the extra money and let their guests be guests. They instead just asked family to do it. And after all that (easily spending over $1500 for both the DW and AHR, as my H came with to the DW), we didn't get a thank you card because we didn't give a physical gift, just a card. Yet my mom, who didn't go to either event, gave a card with $20, and SHE got a thank you card. Yeah, I was a little bitter. So that's my long way of saying I completely understand, and while we should just move on, sometimes it takes a little while, heh. It sure makes for a fun story about what NOT to do when planning a wedding now. :)
Posted by Cackle6[/QUOTE]

Cackle6

Heh, I know right? Their whole reasoning behind it was "well, we're having a bigger AHR next month, so we're saving the money for that." Which was bullshit, because it would have been like $500 to feed those of us who came to the DW wedding (their honeymoon probably cost more than that!). The groom later told me that they had more people come to the DW than they were expecting, which was the real reason for them deciding not to pay for our meals. Well, don't invite so many people if you can't afford to feed them all! Also, my H and at least 4 others who went to the DW did not go to the AHR, so where was their thank you for attending the ceremony? 

The craziest thing about all of this is that they were both the youngest in their families, last to get married, and in the bride's case, she had EIGHT older sisters who got married before her! How on earth did they not realize what a huge etiquette blunder they were making? Craziness.

Whew, it felt good to let that all out, heh.

joe&cassie

I think the reason it bothers us is that we make an effort to come on TK and try to figure out what is good etiquette and what is not.  Other people just do whatever they want to.  I have a friend who's cousin is getting married.  The cousin's aunt (my friend's mom) is a wedding planner and the bride STILL cannot figure out proper etiquette even though she could ask her family members.  Drives me nuts

ghowlett

The only thing that bothers me now is not receiving thank you notes for wedding gifts.  We haven't received a card from several couples (& we always give a card with a check, so I know it was received because it was deposited).  In the past, I always brushed it off as "oh, weird - they must not know it's the right thing to do."  But now that I'm engaged, I know that can't be true.  You can't visit any wedding planning website or open any wedding planning book without reading about thank you cards!  How can they not know?! 

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fa2aab0-f306-4762-bdaf-d3b8ad2d3426Post:fa4d1d14-9495-4649-9350-2d49104ae252">Re: Etiquette vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]The only thing that bothers me now is not receiving thank you notes for wedding gifts.  We haven't received a card from several couples (& we always give a card with a check, so I know it was received because it was deposited).  In the past, I always brushed it off as "oh, weird - they must not know it's the right thing to do."  But now that I'm engaged, I know that can't be true.  You can't visit any wedding planning website or open any wedding planning book without reading about thank you cards!  How can they not know?! 
Posted by ghowlett[/QUOTE]

Right? I'd say about three quarters of the time, I get a thank you note. But that one time out of four that I don't bothers me to no end. I know there are E-related things that are not widely known. There are some things I didn't know until I started coming here. Thank you notes are not one of them. Who hasn't picked up a wedding book or magazine or been on a WR site without hearing about TY notes??

MMLM2012

Even if I didn't realize it was wedding etiquette...I cannot imagine NOT thanking my guests for all of the thoughtful gifts I received!



In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fa2aab0-f306-4762-bdaf-d3b8ad2d3426Post:d27f78e6-7b02-49cd-bea3-f1ba3bf5f7a9">Re: Etiquette vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette vent. : Right? I'd say about three quarters of the time, I get a thank you note. But that one time out of four that I don't bothers me to no end. I know there are E-related things that are not widely known. There are some things I didn't know until I started coming here. Thank you notes are not one of them. Who hasn't picked up a wedding book or magazine or been on a WR site without hearing about TY notes??
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

LittleMissCutiePie

FFS, I went to a wedding where they absolutely insisted on no gifts, and we got a TY card for just showing up. I mean, come on people. Thank you notes are not that hard, and you can seriously do them for like a dollar each.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fa2aab0-f306-4762-bdaf-d3b8ad2d3426Post:fd88e2d0-9766-446b-b81f-650147d21e75">Re: Etiquette vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely understand your frustration. I went to a DW that made the biggest E blunders, and while I should have just let it go, it took me a little while to get over it. We spent a lot of money to fly down and stay for the weekend, which was fine, we were the ones who decided to go after all. But then after the ceremony, we come to find out that the reception dinner was "optional," and that if we wanted to go we would be paying for our own meal. Needless to say I was livid. We almost just went back to the hotel and skipped the dinner. And after dinner they were talking about the honeymoon they were leaving for the next day. So they couldn't afford to feed us, but could afford a honeymoon? Ridiculous. Then, adding insult to injury, they included their registry info on the invites they sent out for their AHR (which I would have skipped had I not already purchased airfare and it was in my hometown). The AHR was of course a cash bar. AND the day before the AHR, my friend, the groom, asked if I'd be willing to help out by keeping an eye on water glasses and helping clear plates so that they could save money and not hire as many servers. I lost it at that point and told him absolutely not, that they should spend the extra money and let their guests be guests. They instead just asked family to do it. And after all that (easily spending over $1500 for both the DW and AHR, as my H came with to the DW), we didn't get a thank you card because we didn't give a physical gift, just a card. Yet my mom, who didn't go to either event, gave a card with $20, and SHE got a thank you card. Yeah, I was a little bitter. So that's my long way of saying I completely understand, and while we should just move on, sometimes it takes a little while, heh. It sure makes for a fun story about what NOT to do when planning a wedding now. :)
Posted by Cackle6[/QUOTE]


OMG!!! They expected you to pay for your own meal??? Please tell me you are kidding??!!  I would have asked for a refund of my plane ticket & hotel fees!!!