Ms. or Mrs.?

cmristau

If a woman is married and wants to keep her maiden name, what is the correct title for her? and how would the pastor and DJ introduce the couple?

tenofcups4me

Women who keep their birth name typically go by Ms. (I never met anyone who kept her name who chooses to go by Mrs., though once in a while on here you read about the rare person who does.)

You can be introduced however you want. The first time I got married, we were introduced something like, "Now, for the first time as a married couple, Jane Doe and John Smith." It was important to me that my last name be included since it was one more cue to people that I was not changing my name. Or you could just use first names if you prefer, your call.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ms-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ffd3d60-38e2-45f6-b816-660e72b0c56fPost:6f7755d8-16ec-4ef0-b86e-e3e957dc9277">Re: Ms. or Mrs.?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ms. would be the proper title.  "Jane & John" with no last names should suffice for an intro.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

<div>This is exactly what we did. I'm planning on going by Ms (never questioned that) and our officiant and DJ introduced us as "Meredith and Oliver" with no last names. A few people asked me what I was doing with my last name throughout the weekend, so it spread by word of mouth as well. </div>

Calypso1977

i kept my name and i go my Ms. although many like to address things to me as Mrs.  My Name.  Mrs. doesnt  bother me, but technically Mrs. My Name is my mother, not me.  But honestly, i'm just so happy they get my last name right that i dont get to flustered by the Mrs. over Ms.

If we had been introducted at hte reception, we would have used "Now, for the first time as a married couple, Jane Doe and John Smith."

[Deleted User]

I would address any woman as Ms. Mary Doe if writing to her.  If I'm introducing anyone in person, I would skip the title unless it happened to be Queen Elizabeth, The Pope or someone with a very impressive title (or a title he/she thinks is impressive).  We had a very dear friend who was a Ph.D and was offended if we didn't introduce him as Dr. ___.  In writing to a married couple, I would probably do Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and again if introducing them in person, I would use John and Mary.  Again the above would apply to very impressive people or those who think they are.

mandi921vh

I thought that Mrs. implied a married woman regardless whether she took her husband's last name or kept her own and Ms. was used for an unmarried woman. 

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ms-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ffd3d60-38e2-45f6-b816-660e72b0c56fPost:aaca0532-ecf7-40ab-a6b3-5b191e2e89e2">Re: Ms. or Mrs.?</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought that Mrs. implied a married woman regardless whether she took her husband's last name or kept her own and Ms. was used for an unmarried woman. 
Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

No. Ms. can actually be used for any woman -- it's the equivalent of Mr. in that it doesn't indicate marital status. Most married women still opt to go by Mrs., but certainly could choose Ms. if they want. Ms. is generally used today for single women, married women who keep their own name, and divorced women.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ms-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ffd3d60-38e2-45f6-b816-660e72b0c56fPost:aaca0532-ecf7-40ab-a6b3-5b191e2e89e2">Re: Ms. or Mrs.?</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought that Mrs. implied a married woman regardless whether she took her husband's last name or kept her own and Ms. was used for an unmarried woman. 
Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

That's incorrect.

Ms. is a title designed not to mean married or single.   It's the female equivalent of Mr.

Generally, married women who keep their maiden names are Ms. Herlastname.  If she's Mrs. Herlastname she's her mother.

A woman is Mrs. only if she takes her husband's last name.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ms-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ffd3d60-38e2-45f6-b816-660e72b0c56fPost:1659a4bd-75e1-4ffa-a445-59103c1e4bf4">Re: Ms. or Mrs.?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would address any woman as Ms. Mary Doe if writing to her.  If I'm introducing anyone in person, I would skip the title unless it happened to be Queen Elizabeth, The Pope or someone with a very impressive title (or a title he/she thinks is impressive).  <strong>We had a very dear friend who was a Ph.D and was offended if we didn't introduce him as Dr. ___.  In writing to a married couple, I would probably do Mr. and Mrs. John Smith</strong> and again if introducing them in person, I would use John and Mary.  Again the above would apply to very impressive people or those who think they are.
Posted by Alexmom2[/QUOTE]

It boggles my mind that you would address someone as Dr. on his wishes, but you'd address the married woman as "Mrs. Smith" regardless of what she did with her name.

squirrly

Mrs. means "mistress of" which is why it preceeds the husband's name.

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ms-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ffd3d60-38e2-45f6-b816-660e72b0c56fPost:4634038a-1051-46ab-a97c-94631d241d47">Re: Ms. or Mrs.?</a>:
[QUOTE]Mrs. means "mistress of" which is why it preceeds the husband's name.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

That's not true. Mrs. is short for Mistress, but there's no "of" implied. Miss is also short for Mistress.

mandi921vh

I am so confused... if a woman decides to keep her last name she is Ms. herlastname however if she goes by Mrs. herlastname she is her mother?

What about a woman who takes her husbands last name... she becomes Mrs. hislastname... but then she is her MIL?

Why is it such a bad thing for your mother and you to both be Mrs. herlastname?

Calypso1977

mandy, i interpret Mrs. Smith to mean that i am the wife of Mr. Smith.  Therefore, if my maiden name is Smith, and i go my Mrs. Smith, then to me that seems like id be the wife of Mr. Smith, rather than the wife of Mr. Jones.

yes, my MIL and i would both be Mrs. Jones if i changed my name, but we'd both be married to men whose last names are Jones.

does that make sense?

banana468

[QUOTE]I am so confused... if a woman decides to keep her last name she is Ms. herlastname however if she goes by Mrs. herlastname she is her mother?[/QUOTE]

My point is that she's then the wife of Mr. Lastname.  If Jane Doe opts not to take her last name when she marries John Smith, she's Ms. Doe.  Mrs. Doe implies the wife of Mr. Doe - not the wife of John Smith.

[QUOTE]What about a woman who takes her husbands last name... she becomes Mrs. hislastname... but then she is her MIL?[/QUOTE]

And you missed my point.

If Jane Doe takes John Smith's lastname then she's Jane Smith or Mrs. Smith, and she often has the same last name as her MIL.

[QUOTE] <div>Why is it such a bad thing for your mother and you to both be Mrs. herlastname?[/QUOTE]

It isn't that it's a bad thing.  It's that it's not correct.  Period.</div>