Guest Attire

jlk08250

HELP!!!
I am really concerned about how guests are going to dress on our big day!  I know that my family will dress appropriately, but Im really concerned about how my fiancés family is going to dress.  I have been to funerals and weddings with them, and most of them show up in jeans and stained polo shirt.  I don't want to have to force people to were "formal attire"  but how do I get them to dress up for my wedding? 

I also need to find a way to get my soon to be mother in law into a dress or paint suit that will match the wedding party without insulting her fashion sense.  

All im asking for is that people show up in nice dress pants or kahkis and a button up shirt.  is that to much to ask??

TeddiD34

Yes.

aurianna

Unfortunately you can not tell your guests how to dress in any way. They are adults and telling them how to dress in any capacity is insulting.

If they dress poorly it reflects badly on them; not you. Odds are you won't notice people not dressed "up to par" and even if you did, it shouldn't ruin your wedding day (if it does, you've got bigger problems).

You can say something to your FMIL like "Do you know what you're wearing to the wedding yet? If not, do you want to go on a shopping date?" but just know that the final decision is hers.

lyndausvi

MIL - I would offer take her shopping.   If she doesn't want to go, not much you can do.

Rest of your guests:    word of mouth on attire.   But again, not much you can do after that.

mlg78

Unfortunately, you can't control what they wear...

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:c326d3c1-439f-40ef-996d-3936fce2af33">Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]HELP!!! I am really concerned about how guests are going to dress on our big day!  I know that my family will dress appropriately, but Im really concerned about how my fiancés family is going to dress.  I have been to funerals and weddings with them, and most of them show up in jeans and stained polo shirt.  I don't want to have to force people to were "formal attire"  but how do I get them to dress up for my wedding?  I also need to find a way to get my soon to be mother in law into a dress or paint suit that will match the wedding party without insulting her fashion sense.   All im asking for is that people show up in nice dress pants or kahkis and a button up shirt.  is that to much to ask??
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]

You can't tell guests what to wear. Ever. Sorry.

In terms of your FMIL, your FI could suggest something to her. I'd suggest you stay out of it at all costs. She doesn't need to match the bridal party.

My Step MIL wore a formal navy blue gown
My MIL wore a black and white cocktail dress
My mom wore a grey pencil skirt and a pink cardi set.

No one cares if they match or even coordinate. Let them wear what they are comfortable in.

TheVirginians

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:85599373-f766-4e8b-bba6-d27c4ab83696">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes.
Posted by TeddiD34[/QUOTE]

Yes Yes

KatWAG

Awesome, this is exactly what I needed for my friday afternoon.

jlk08250

My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics

lyndausvi

yep.   

My photographer took 1700 pictures.   MIL is like 20 of them.   Pretty sure she will not ruin our pics.

But like I said, offer to take her shopping, heck buy the dress for her a gift.  NBD

MsYeck

If your FMIL dress is that important offer to o shopping with her AND pay for her dress

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:6c17384f-7e62-4514-901a-2390d6e351db">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]

Just because it's not your taste doesn't mean you can dictate what she wears.

I'm actually thinking this all might be a bit of MUD...but it's still amusing.

aurianna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:6c17384f-7e62-4514-901a-2390d6e351db">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]

Unless you planned on your MIL being in every single picture, no, not so much.
If your MIL being in a dress you don't like is seriously enough for you to feel the picture is ruined, ask the photographer to do lots of shots of the wedding party and some separate family shots.

But um... if your MIL is wearing something that she likes, that she feels good in, that is represenative of how she tends to dress, that she wants to wear in your wedding... it makes you come off pretty poorly saying "I don't want my pictures ruined."

jlk08250

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:f7a498e9-95a9-4cd6-8e84-c5d7829a6e21">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Attire : Just because it's not your taste doesn't mean you can dictate what she wears. I'm actually thinking this all might be a bit of MUD...but it's still amusing.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

MUD??

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:6c17384f-7e62-4514-901a-2390d6e351db">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]



How will it ruin your pictures? Do you care more about the way people look than that you are marrying the love of your life in those pictures?

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:6c17384f-7e62-4514-901a-2390d6e351db">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]

No one cares about what your FMIL wears. And like PP said, she'll be in a handful of photos.  You arent' going to hang one of the huge family photos on your wall. You need to relax and stop worrying about what other people are doing.

lyndausvi

It's time for Stage to bust out the FIL picture.

Which BTW  I think is awesome.

StephJean83

My sister was married almost 7 years ago in a pretty formal wedding. Our brother showed up in khaki shorts and a short sleeve button down. He knew the wedding was a formal event but he is an adult and that is what he wanted to wear. He was in all of like 5 pictures and our mom wanted him hidden behind our dad. His attired reflected on him and not my sister or BIL. I will say the only exceptions of telling your guests what to wear are when you are having a true black tie wedding or the venue has strict rules about attire.

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:0d678c3d-762f-4211-bc6d-719dff7d33dd">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]It's time for Stage to bust out the FIL picture. Which BTW  I think is awesome.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]


I miss the photo that one of the old regs (Rachel? Rachers or something) used to post of her two guests in chaps and orange bandanas. To the OP, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT PEOPLE WEAR TO YOUR PARTY.

Simply Fated

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[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]
What ever she chooses to wear, it will look like her. If you try to dress her up like a doll, she might feel uncomfortable and it will come out in her facial expressions and that will ruin your pictures.

I agree to offer to take her shopping with you, but if she declines, definitely let it go. The MOB and MOG do not <em>have</em> to match the wedding party. They won't even be in that many pictures together so no one will even notice and the only one that will care will be you.


There is no good way to tell people who to dress and, let's face it, even if there was a good way, these people will probably ignore it, anyway. Let them wear what they want and in 20 years, when you're showing these pics to people (maybe even a daughter) you can laugh with them and say, "yeah, my husband's family is colorful, to say the least."

kmmssg

Waiting for Stage......

And Stage, just for the record, I LOVE that picture because it makes a bold statement about what is important in this life, and what you really don't need to worry about.

CallaLily25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-attire-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:814f9dc3-d323-4779-9fe1-88ebe7535966Post:6c17384f-7e62-4514-901a-2390d6e351db">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]

You don't have to like what she wears, you can even be annoyed, but you definitely should let it go and enjoy your day. She's an adult and can wear whatever she wants, as can your fiance's side of the family. Unless your wedding is strictly black tie or your church requires a certain dress code, you cannot tell your guests what to wear.

My advice: There are so many other things to be thinking about right before your wedding, don't let this very minor detail bother you. Your pictures and your day will not be ruined. There is nothing you can do about what adults wear to a wedding, so you might as well not stress about it.

Loopyseven

I have zero pictures of my parents and/or my MIL with the bridal party.  They don't have to match in any way.  At most, as PP's suggested, you can offer to shop with your FMIL for a dress and make suggestions.  But at the end of the day, you cannot tell grown people how to dress.

brielleinlove

I sort of disagree with offering to go shopping with FMIL.  I'm sure she'll see right through this ruse and find it horribly insulting.  "Hey FMIL, we've never gone shopping for clothes together in our lives, but to prepare for your son's wedding, why don't you let me come along and give opinions while you decide what to wear?"  Just let her wear whatever she wants.

melissanjoe21

My FMIL 85 years old.  My grandmother is 95 years old. I could care less what they wear I am just glad they will be there to share  our special day.  That's all that matters to me. 

melissanjoe21

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[QUOTE]Sorry it took so long, but here it is... And thanks Kmmssg.  I was DIL of the decade for letting him wear what he wanted to wear.  SIL was fully prepared to go 12 rounds with him over his attire and I told her not to worry about it. My day was not ruined, my photos were not ruined, and I get to pull the occassional "see, I told you" on brides who have their priorities out of whack with evidence.  Win/win/win!
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


I love this.  Coming from a family of farmers and some that really just don't have a lot of money or maybe with special needs.  I could care less what they wear.  My wedding day is not about what my guests are wearing.

artbyallie

I love that picture every time, Stage.

Didn't somebody else have a picture where her MIL wore her wedding dress to the poster's wedding?

My story's not as fun as Stage's, but my MIL bought a lovely dress for my wedding. And left it at home and had to buy a new one the day of the rehearsal dinner. The new one was my least favorite shade of pink, but she was happy and therefore looked lovely.

Also, I don't recall what H's aunt and uncle wore, but they are not formal people in general, so I doubt they were very dressed up. Obviously, I didn't care in all the hustle and bustle.

StephJean83

In Response to Re:Guest Attire:[QUOTE]I sort of disagree with offering to go shopping with FMIL. nbsp;I'm sure she'll see right through this ruse and find it horribly insulting. nbsp;quot;Hey FMIL, we've never gone shopping for clothes together in our lives, but to prepare for your son's wedding, why don't you let me come along and give opinions while you decide what to wear?quot; nbsp;Just let her wear whatever she wants. Posted by brielleinlove[/QUOTE]

I think if OP does it in a manner of bonding time with FMIL and make a girls day, FMIL would probably love it. Of course I come from the opposite side of the spectrum with my FMIL in that she normally lives in brown, black, grey and white but wants to wear a shade of purple for my wedding. She and I have gone shopping together, so when it comes time to buy her dress she would love the day of shopping.

StephJean83

In Response to Re:Guest Attire:[QUOTE]Sorry it took so long, but here it is... And thanks Kmmssg. nbsp;I was DIL of the decade for letting him wear what he wanted to wear. nbsp;SIL was fully prepared to go 12 rounds with him over his attire and I told her not to worry about it.My day was not ruined, my photos were not ruined, and I get to pull the occassional "see, I told you" on brides who have their priorities out of whack with evidence. nbsp;Win/win/win! Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Stage, I LOVE the picture of your FIL and DH. It is proof positive that if you let people be comfortable that they will look very beautiful!

Peledreamsofrain

Trying to control your guests like they are your personal barbie collection is staggeringly rude. No one will thank you for it, and you might actually get someone to dress badly on purpose just to spite you. My MIL bought a very lovely silver dress for our wedding, and paired it with a pair of the most gawdawful white nike sneakers you've ever seen. I thought it was adorable, because it was so her. Trying to smother a bright soul like her to match my 'wedding vision' would have been a crime. And our relationship is stronger because I never tried to treat her like a child.

Amyzen83

I personally strongly dislike TOMs and Crocs, but unfortunately I can't prevent my guests from wearing them to the wedding... What am I going to do? Confiscate them and give them loaner shoes? Although that may make for a funny tv episode or movie, chances are that would embarass or deeply offend my guests and may discourage them from coming and celebrating the union between my future husband and I, which is the whole point of the wedding anyway. The bridal party, you do have some say over their attire, but that's only because they are the bridal party and they signed up to be there for you, and you specifically chose people who you trust to respect your wishes.