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Annoyed Bride

sodell23sodell23
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, invites have gone out.  RSVP's are coming back.  This large wedding of mine (now up to 220 invites for a venue way too small.....wish we would have thought to finalize guest list before booking that!  oops)  is becoming more stressful than I had imagined.  My FI and I wanted more of a smaller, intimate wedding.  Instead, to accommodate others, we had the tradtiional wedding.  Nothing major has happened to stress me out....I have actually been really calm throughout this process.  Just a bunch of little things that every bride deals with.   But I'm starting to wish we could hit rewind and just have the ultra small wedding we wanted.  Is it too late?!  Would it be extremely rude to just send out a card to the guest list saying "thank you for your love, friendship and support.  We have gotten married....blah blah blah?!"  UGH....should have eloped!  haha
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Re: Annoyed Bride

  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I'm not sure if your question is serious or if you're just venting, but yeah it's too late to go back now if invites are out.  People have made travel arrangements and bought gifts, and cleared their calendars.

    You made the decision to have the big wedding.  Just go with it and try to enjoy it.  It's only one day and it goes by so fast.  Don't let stress ruin it for you because you can never get this time back.  Stay in the moment and just have fun with it!
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I'd say since you already sent out the invites and RSVPs are coming back - you need to just bite the bullet and go on with the wedding the way it's been planned.  It's one thing to cancel wedding plans while you're in the process and deciding to elope BEFORE invites are sent out - but once people have been invited and plan to come to your wedding, and bring a gift, I just feel like it's incredibly rude to be like "Oh!  Just kidding!  Big weddings stink - so nevermind!"

    Just go on with the wedding.  I bet it will be a beautiful day and you won't regret it :)
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  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    So... your venue isn't going to accomodate all of your guests?  That's kind of a problem.
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  • brilibby4brilibby4 member
    1000 Comments
    IMO it is too late to change anything.  It is extremely rude to uninvite anyone.  Your guests may have already bought you gifts, made travel arrangements, taken time off from work, etc.  Also, how do you think they would feel knowing they didn't make the final cut to be guests after already being invited?  Sorry but if you wanted a smaller wedding you shouldn't have invited so many people.
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  • jnic0319jnic0319
    500 Comments
    I wrote all of this, and then realized your other post was deleted.

    "I think this is your nerves getting the best of you.  However, you should not cancel, you made your decision and you should stick with it.  Assuming you are an adult, you should have thought this all through ahead of time.  If you choose to ignore this advice, I think you should at least return any wedding gifts given to you by people who were once invited."
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  • nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8290ab50-2e33-467f-af13-64dd2bc501caPost:4f236caf-9ced-48ff-89b3-aff9b132fa10">Annoyed Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, invites have gone out.  RSVP's are coming back.  This large wedding of mine (<strong>now up to 220 invites for a venue way too small.....wish we would have thought to finalize guest list before booking that!  oops</strong>)  is becoming more stressful than I had imagined.  My FI and I wanted more of a smaller, intimate wedding.  Instead, to accommodate others, we had the tradtiional wedding.  Nothing major has happened to stress me out....I have actually been really calm throughout this process.  Just a bunch of little things that every bride deals with.   But I'm starting to wish we could hit rewind and just have the ultra small wedding we wanted.  Is it too late?!  Would it be extremely rude to just send out a card to the guest list saying "thank you for your love, friendship and support.  We have gotten married....blah blah blah?!"  UGH....should have eloped!  haha
    Posted by sodell23[/QUOTE]
    Um, what are you going to do? You cant do that- there are fire codes and its likely the venue will not let you all stay

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  • sodell23sodell23
    10 Comments

    I guess i kinda knew the answer to my own question but was hoping there would be someone who says what I wanted to hear!  LOL!  But you ladies are right, it is rude and the day will be great, regardless of the crap in between!  Thanks for the honesty! :)

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  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8290ab50-2e33-467f-af13-64dd2bc501caPost:4f236caf-9ced-48ff-89b3-aff9b132fa10">Annoyed Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, invites have gone out.  RSVP's are coming back.  This large wedding of mine <strong>(now up to 220 invites for a venue way too small.....wish we would have thought to finalize guest list before booking that!  oops)</strong>  is becoming more stressful than I had imagined.  My FI and I wanted more of a smaller, intimate wedding.  Instead, to accommodate others, we had the tradtiional wedding.  <strong>Nothing major has happened to stress me out</strong>....I have actually been really calm throughout this process.  Just a bunch of little things that every bride deals with.   But I'm starting to wish we could hit rewind and just have the ultra small wedding we wanted.  Is it too late?!  Would it be extremely rude to just send out a card to the guest list saying "thank you for your love, friendship and support.  We have gotten married....blah blah blah?!"  UGH....should have eloped!  haha
    Posted by sodell23[/QUOTE]

    These two things are contradictory.  Not having enough room at your venue is a major problem.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    It sems like you've been very go-with-the-flow throughout the wedding process. In a bad way. You let other people convince you to have a big wedding you didn't want. You booked a venue without knowing who was invited. You magically think this will work itself out and your venue will somehow be able to expand to fit all your guests.

    When you go to your venue with your final number, I'm really interested in how they will react. My hunch is "not favorably."

    So no. I'm glad you're happy and all, but I don't really think everything will just work itself out.
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  • sodell23sodell23
    10 Comments

    I'm kinda relying on prayer and the fact that it will be ok.  Not everyone will come to the wedding...it's not as if we are drastically over capacity.  I'm not sure what i can do about that at this point? 

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  • InferiorToKaosInferiorToKaos member
    100 Comments
    Always plan on every guest showing up.  If that puts you over capacity then you are OVER capacity. You'll need to find a new venue more than likely.
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  • sodell23sodell23
    10 Comments
    I have advised the venue of the situation of the increasing guest list and they were actually ok with it....the director said they would work it out and make it happen if it came to that. 
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  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8290ab50-2e33-467f-af13-64dd2bc501caPost:178e6697-822f-469c-b415-83bdb1571d80">Re: Annoyed Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm kinda relying on prayer and the fact that it will be ok.  Not everyone will come to the wedding...it's not as if we are drastically over capacity.  I'm not sure what i can do about that at this point? 
    Posted by sodell23[/QUOTE]

    AHHHHAHAHAHAHA.  Sorry.  I'm down with the whole God is awesome thing, but I don't think  He's going to be worrying about your wedding.  People have had 100% attendance before.
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  • nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8290ab50-2e33-467f-af13-64dd2bc501caPost:178e6697-822f-469c-b415-83bdb1571d80">Re: Annoyed Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm kinda relying on prayer and the fact that it will be ok.  Not everyone will come to the wedding...it's not as if we are drastically over capacity.  I'm not sure what i can do about that at this point? 
    Posted by sodell23[/QUOTE]

    You already said you've had people rsvp yes over your limit, right? How many people can the venue hold?

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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8290ab50-2e33-467f-af13-64dd2bc501caPost:caeaba59-c9ea-4e17-9598-454f90c2899a">Re: Annoyed Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoyed Bride : AHHHHAHAHAHAHA.  Sorry.  I'm down with the whole God is awesome thing, but I don't think  He's going to be worrying about your wedding.  People have had 100% attendance before.
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this.  Sorry, but you should always plan on 100% attendance.  I'm surprised your venue is "okay" with it, since capacity numbers are set for a reason.
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  • AlmostSt.LaurentAlmostSt.Laurent
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8290ab50-2e33-467f-af13-64dd2bc501caPost:4f236caf-9ced-48ff-89b3-aff9b132fa10">Annoyed Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, invites have gone out.  RSVP's are coming back.  This large wedding of mine (now up to 220 invites <strong>for a venue way too small</strong>.....wish we would have thought to finalize guest list before booking that!  oops)  is becoming more stressful than I had imagined.  My FI and I wanted more of a smaller, intimate wedding.  Instead, to accommodate others, we had the tradtiional wedding.  Nothing major has happened to stress me out....I have actually been really calm throughout this process.  Just a bunch of little things that every bride deals with.   But I'm starting to wish we could hit rewind and just have the ultra small wedding we wanted.  Is it too late?!  Would it be extremely rude to just send out a card to the guest list saying "thank you for your love, friendship and support.  We have gotten married....blah blah blah?!"  UGH....should have eloped!  haha
    Posted by sodell23[/QUOTE]

    Way too small = pretty big dilemma. IMO
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8290ab50-2e33-467f-af13-64dd2bc501caPost:65f4d7f0-abf3-4aa6-aae2-2a1bd2824e53">Re: Annoyed Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Annoyed Bride : Ditto this.  Sorry, but you should always plan on 100% attendance.  I'm surprised your venue is "okay" with it, since capacity numbers are set for a reason.
    Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

    Two words: fire code.
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