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Wedding Etiquette Forum
is it tacky to not have open bar?
we are doing a partial open bar its open beer wine chapagne. and mixed drinks they would have to pay for. i was talking to a co-worker and she said it was tacky. i dont think it is but just wanted to see what other people thought. my parents are paying and i dont want it to break the bank on them
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Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?
You should simply not offer any options for which guests have to pay. If you only offer what you are paying for then you are in the etiquette clear. Lots of people only offer beer and wine -- that's perfectly acceptable. The reception is the thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony so they shouldn't have to/be able to pull their wallets out for anything.
I don't see a problem with asking them to pay for cocktails, but why do you think you need to offer them? Will beer and wine not be enough?
[QUOTE]Most on here will tell you its tacky to not have a completely open bar.<strong> I personally have been to weddings with both kinds and don't think its better one way or the other.</strong> I don't see a problem with asking them to pay for cocktails, but why do you think you need to offer them? Will beer and wine not be enough?
Posted by kimiandgary[/QUOTE]
You don't think not having to pay is better than having to pay?
I see nothing wrong with that
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : You don't think not having to pay is better than having to pay?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
I guess I should have said I didn't think one was "better etiquette" than the other, because I am used to both.
The only time I have ever been turned off by charging for drinks was when my cousin had a non-hosted bar that charged $8 for a coors light.
[QUOTE]Is it tacky to host beer and wine only? No. It's better than a cash bar. I would just host what you can afford rather than ask your guests to pay.<strong> I'd rather drink something I didn't like rather than pay for liquor.
</strong>Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]
WHAT?! So as long as it's free, you're okay? I'd rather pay for a cocktail than to drink wine!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : Hi, you're also wrong. It's against etiquette to ask people to pay for things at a wedding. Hence the advice we offer here on the Etiquette board. <strong>Thanks for playing.</strong>
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
Is there a reason you feel the need to constantly be rude to people? I get that you live and die by the old school etiquette book but some people may have different opinions.
For the record etiquette is defined as a code of behavior that delineates the expectactions for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class or group. This means that not everything is black and white.
I think its rude to assume you are right and everyone else who may have a different "social norm" is wrong.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:is it tacky to not have open bar? : WHAT?! So as long as it's free, you're okay? I'd rather pay for a cocktail than to drink wine!
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]
What you'd rather do and what is etiquette appropriate for a host to do are obviously two different things in this scenario. But this is the etiquette forum. We advise people on etiquette.
One hand I think it's tacky to tell some of your guests their preferrences are paid for but others are not. It would be like hey here's some chicken, but if you want the steak pony up some cash? You wouldn't do that would you?
Where I'm torn is DH loves vodka and I know he would pay for it. He would be annoyed, but he would still pay than not have it. However, if the vodka was not there he would just drink beer. Out of site, out of mind kind of thing.
Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : Is there a reason you feel the need to constantly be rude to people? I get that you live and die by the old school etiquette book but some people may have different opinions. For the record etiquette is defined as a code of behavior the delineates expectactions for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class or group. This means that not everything is black and white. I think its rude to assume you are right and everyone else who may have a different "social norm" is wrong.
Posted by kimiandgary[/QUOTE]
Not asking your guests to pay for things you should be hosting for them is not "old school etiquette" and if you think it is, you have an extraordinarily rude social group. So congrats?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : Is there a reason you feel the need to constantly be rude to people? I get that you live and die by the old school etiquette book but some people may have different opinions. For the record etiquette is defined as a code of behavior that delineates the expectactions for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class or group. This means that not everything is black and white. I think its rude to assume you are right and everyone else who may have a different "social norm" is wrong.
Posted by kimiandgary[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>She's not rude. Wedding etiquette says to pay for what you provide. Guests are being hosted. They should not have to pay for anything at the wedding.
</div>
[QUOTE]I personally don't think it's tacky to do it that way, as it's pretty commonly seen in my area. However, most would probably find it less tacky/offensive if you just skip the liquor altogether and only serve what you can afford to provide free for your guests. Generally the consensus around here is that it's rude to make your guests pay for anything at a wedding.
Posted by ECOlson[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div> I don't usually post here, but I do lurk. In my area it would not be considered too tacky, because some people do, do what you are doing. But that depends on regional differences. I think it is tacky if you don't offer something for your guests, as a Thank you. </div>
this means no cash bar and no dollar dance.
like everyone else said, offer what you can afford to pay for.
Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013!
I don't think it's tacky. I think what is tacky is going into debt because other people tell you it's tacky.
You need to do what you are comfortable with. Is it normal in your area to offer this? It is in mine.
We aren't having alcohol at the wedding at all! Our venue is dry. I'm sure that that's a major faux pas. But, no one in our family or friends drinks in public! I wanted people to remember our wedding too.
Do what you can afford and do what you are comfortable with.
First Look
I have a question. If OP hosts only beer & wine, but the venue has a full bar, what is the bartender to do, tell people No, you can't have that? I'm serious, how would that work?