Invitation Debacle

sodell23

So, a friend of mine is getting married 2 weeks before me.  He and his FI (or wifey) are coming to my wedding.  just got the invitation to their wedding and my fiance was not included.  (nor did it say guest)  I obviously don't want to say anything b/c that is rude...but i am kinda upset.  Don't know if this is intentional or an oversite.  Any suggestions?  RSVP for myself and let it go? 

opalsky007

I would call and ask for clarification. Maybe it is just an oversight, or maybe they're not up on wedding etiquette and somehow thought it was implied that he would be invited.

If your FI is really not invited, don't push the issue, just politely decline if you're not okay with attending alone.

ehathewa

I think it would be OK to call and ask.  "Hey, I just got your invitation and we are very excited to celebrate with you.  I noticed FI's name wasn't on the invitation.  Is it OK if he joins me, or are you on some strict space requirements?  Let me know either way"

rbtrumpet

are they friends w/ your FI?  Do you guys live together?

We have a lot of friends who are dating (long term, like 2+ years) or engaged who are friends of both FI and me, who do not live together.

We sent invites to each:

John Smith

Jane Doe

Neither got a "guest" because both parties got an invitation.

sodell23

No, we don't live together and I wouldn't say they are friends with FI....the groom (who is my friend) obviously knows him through me and are more aquantainces than friends.  I don't think FI got a seperate inviation...I think he would have mentioned it to me if he did?  I don't want to ask either b/c i haven't mentioned to FI that his name wasn't included on mine yet! 

loop0406

If you don't mind going alone, that's fine.

I personally wouldn't go because being engaged means you should be included with 1 guest and I'd like him there.

Would you be okay with fiance getting an invite and going to wedding and leaving you at home ? 

sodell23

No, my feelings would be very hurt if he got an invite and i wasn't included!  And I also know that if he did receive that, he certainly wouldn't go if I were not invited too. 

rbtrumpet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:840fad30-fa79-4272-aff4-687e48322554Post:526ca14c-660f-4dcf-8585-7fb9f9860baf">Re: Invitation Debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]No, we don't live together and I wouldn't say they are friends with FI....the groom (who is my friend) obviously knows him through me and are more aquantainces than friends.  I don't think FI got a seperate inviation...I think he would have mentioned it to me if he did?  I don't want to ask either b/c i haven't mentioned to FI that his name wasn't included on mine yet! 
Posted by sodell23[/QUOTE]


You haven't told him because he wasn't included?  Maybe he feels the same way?  I think you should ask him.


However, it is INCREDIBLY rude if he wasn't invited.  I would either ask the couple if FI was supposed to be included (sorry - I'm of the mentality of "hey, they were rude first), or just decline saying there is too much you need to do w/ FI right now, but you wish them the best....

MISSCOURTNEY20

You don't have to tell FI that his name was not included. Call your friend and get some clarity.

sodell23

Thanks ladies!  It helps to have advice from women going through the same motions!   

PiscesFish

I just went through this same thing last week - turns out my invitation was one of many errors the calligrapher made.
Just call your friend, point out you're uncomfortable attending without your FI, and ask if you can bring him. If yes, great.  If no, send a gift and your RSVP no.
GL!

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:840fad30-fa79-4272-aff4-687e48322554Post:6ff78d0a-73c6-470a-8390-076fbeaf0e4e">Re: Invitation Debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]I would call and ask for clarification. Maybe it is just an oversight, or maybe they're not up on wedding etiquette and somehow thought it was implied that he would be invited. If your FI is really not invited, don't push the issue, just politely decline if you're not okay with attending alone.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of that.

lizpatrick

Call and ask! Fi and I have had this problem twice this summer. The first one was a mistake, but he went alone and the couple was shocked that I didn't come. I then had to explain that I wasn't on the invite so I didn't want to just show up. They were kinda pissed though since they paid for me! We just got them a more expensive gift to make up for it. The second couple just blatantly ignored me, and he didn't go. They also got swiftly crossed off of our list.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:840fad30-fa79-4272-aff4-687e48322554Post:cfd20271-1e79-4302-9110-768e53bc1ae4">Re: Invitation Debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]Call and ask! Fi and I have had this problem twice this summer. The first one was a mistake, but he went alone and the couple was shocked that I didn't come. I then had to explain that I wasn't on the invite so I didn't want to just show up. They were kinda pissed though since they paid for me! We just got them a more expensive gift to make up for it. The second couple just blatantly ignored me, and he didn't go. They also got swiftly crossed off of our list.
Posted by lizpatrick[/QUOTE]

Wait - his friends made a mistake on the invite, didn't notice you weren't on the RSVP, and then got mad because you DIDN'T crash their wedding and they had to pay for your dinner?  And because of this, you gave them a bigger gift?  So many wrongs, in just one post.

lizpatrick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:840fad30-fa79-4272-aff4-687e48322554Post:6c25ff0b-dd30-4712-9e41-23bbd81f3077">Re: Invitation Debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Debacle : Wait - his friends made a mistake on the invite, didn't notice you weren't on the RSVP, and then got mad because you DIDN'T crash their wedding and they had to pay for your dinner?  And because of this, you gave them a bigger gift?  So many wrongs, in just one post.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Yes...The person doing the invites left me off, I didn't write my name on the RSVP card because I thought it was rude, so when I didn't show the bride had a fit about how she thought I was slighting them or whatever....I dunno. I gave them a bigger gift because I felt bad since we didn't call to clarify as the Fi felt ackward doing it and I don't know the couple at all. I know a few of the mutual friends and they were all like you didn't invite her?!? So I guess she felt like it made them look bad to friends or something.

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:840fad30-fa79-4272-aff4-687e48322554Post:cfd20271-1e79-4302-9110-768e53bc1ae4">Re: Invitation Debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]Call and ask! Fi and I have had this problem twice this summer. The first one was a mistake, but he went alone and the couple was shocked that I didn't come. I then had to explain that I wasn't on the invite so I didn't want to just show up. They were kinda pissed though since they paid for me! We just got them a more expensive gift to make up for it. The second couple just blatantly ignored me, and he didn't go. They also got swiftly crossed off of our list.
Posted by lizpatrick[/QUOTE]

Wow. You've got some rude friends all around! Why would you buy them a more expensive gift to "make up" for their mistake?

lizpatrick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:840fad30-fa79-4272-aff4-687e48322554Post:21844437-5d5d-4088-a076-2554af65697c">Re: Invitation Debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Debacle : Wow. You've got some rude friends all around! Why would you buy them a more expensive gift to "make up" for their mistake?
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

Because it was nicer than saying what I really felt! I don't have rude friends, he has rude friends! Plus it just makes it easier to cut the guest list.