Dry Reception???

Tamma254

 When my Mom passed away, and my father pretty much moved out, leaving my kids and myself alone in the house I grew up in, I found myself drinking about 5 nights out of 7, and I don't just mean tipsy, I mean Stupid Drunk. Worst part of it all, was that I successfully hid this from EVERYONE except my FI. It is only now that I admit to myself that I was very close to becoming an alcoholic.

 

FI and I (myself, especially, for reasons stated above) want a dry wedding, but his grandfather HAS to have a beer with dinner, what should I do? It wouldn't be fair to other guests that one was allowed, but no one else could, should I deal with his family getting upset because there is NO alcohol? I am dead-set on having a dry reception, because in addition to myself, a good portion of my family have all had drinking problems in the past.

 

danz9

Stand your ground, your grandpa can have one nice supper without a beer. It isnt going to hurt him!

Getting yourself out of the drinking binging and keeping yourself clean is way more important!

Tamma254

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:b99a21cc-2ccb-459a-9e00-6647766495a3">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]I would consider having an afternoon reception where the lack of alcohol will be less noticed.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Unfortunatly, we're unable to have it earlier on in the day. There are other activites planned for our venue earlier on in the day.

LisaChris2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:a63621c3-e323-41c4-a658-bdcb5781c5d8">Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE] When my Mom passed away, and my father pretty much moved out, leaving my kids and myself alone in the house I grew up in, I found myself drinking about 5 nights out of 7, and I don't just mean tipsy, I mean Stupid Drunk. Worst part of it all, was that I successfully hid this from EVERYONE except my FI. It is only now that I admit to myself that I was very close to becoming an alcoholic.   FI and I (myself, especially, for reasons stated above) want a dry wedding, but his grandfather HAS to have a beer with dinner, what should I do? It wouldn't be fair to other guests that one was allowed, but no one else could, should I deal with his family getting upset because there is NO alcohol?<strong> I am dead-set on having a dry reception, because in addition to myself, a good portion of my family have all had drinking problems in the past.  
</strong>Posted by Tamma254[/QUOTE]

Have a dry reception.  Your grandpa will live.  And so will your guests.  Just sweetly tell your grandpa no, and be done with it.  Don't get yourself into an argument with him about it.  You don't need to justify anything (unless its an etiquette faux paus) that you decide to do at your wedding.

aragx6

I would consider having an afternoon reception where the lack of alcohol will be less noticed.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:a63621c3-e323-41c4-a658-bdcb5781c5d8">Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE] When my Mom passed away, and my father pretty much moved out, leaving my kids and myself alone in the house I grew up in, I found myself drinking about 5 nights out of 7, and I don't just mean tipsy, I mean Stupid Drunk. Worst part of it all, was that I successfully hid this from EVERYONE except my FI. It is only now that I admit to myself that I was very close to becoming an alcoholic.   FI and I (myself, especially, for reasons stated above) want a dry wedding, but his grandfather HAS to have a beer with dinner, what should I do? It wouldn't be fair to other guests that one was allowed, but no one else could, should I deal with his family getting upset because there is NO alcohol? I am dead-set on having a dry reception, because in addition to myself, a good portion of my family have all had drinking problems in the past.  
Posted by Tamma254[/QUOTE]

<div>While I'm not a fan of dry weddings, I can understand if they are for certain reasons.  I enjoy a drink with dinner as well, but I'm not going to die if I don't have one.  If having a dry wedding is important to you, which it rightfully seems so, then have the dry wedding.  You're right that it's not fair to allow a beer for one person.  And grandpa can make a decision on what's more important- seeing his grandson get married, or having that one beer.</div>

maratea

I think your FI should tell his grandfather 'tough titties you old fart' because he can go one night without a beer at dinner. Based on what you've said, I don't think you should be forced into having alcohol at your reception if it makes you uncomfortable.

sarabellam

Nobody HAS to have a beer with dinner. I'll ditto aragx and say have a morning brunch or eraly afternoon cake and (dry) punch reception. Is your FI as adamant about having a dry reception as you are?

marinabreeze

I think you're going to have a fair number of people say that when you host, what you host shouldn't just be based on what the couple does or doesn't personally prefer, but based also on what your guests like.  You may also hear people who are dead-set against dry receptions.

My personal opinion is this...I don't think you're required to have alcohol at your reception to be a good host.  As long as you have food of some kind and beverages of some kind, I don't think you're in the wrong for having a dry reception.  I'm mentioned previously on the boards that the best wedding I've been too was dry (though for different reasons). 

However, please keep in mind that like it or not, alcohol does help people loosen up and have fun in social situations.  So unless you are creative or the majority of your guests are non-drinkers, people may leave early from your reception.  If you can live with that, then by all means continue with your current plan.

LisaChris2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:b18d8968-b340-4199-819c-00c5be5f7ef2">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're going to have a fair number of people say that when you host, what you host shouldn't just be based on what the couple does or doesn't personally prefer, but based also on what your guests like.  You may also hear people who are dead-set against dry receptions. My personal opinion is this...I don't think you're required to have alcohol at your reception to be a good host.  As long as you have food of some kind and beverages of some kind, I don't think you're in the wrong for having a dry reception.  I'm mentioned previously on the boards that the best wedding I've been too was dry (though for different reasons).  <strong>However, please keep in mind that like it or not, alcohol does help people loosen up and have fun in social situations.</strong>  So unless you are creative or the majority of your guests are non-drinkers, people may leave early from your reception.  If you can live with that, then by all means continue with your current plan.
Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, but OP, keep in mind your goal to not "fall off the wagon" is more important than whether folks leave early.  Marina, I'm not saying you don't agree with this, I just wanted to clarify for the OP.

Tamma254

Another issue I'm having is trying to explain to his family why I want the Dry Reception, as it is kind of embarrasing, and they can be judgemental, his Mom told me I HAD to quit smoking, oh... AND I have to cover up my butterfly tattoo on my shoulder blade. I'm thinking I'm not going to cover her up, she's so much a part of who I am.

Beachy730

If my tattoo was visible, I would never cover it because someone told me to do it.  

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:a58a4ac2-bc8d-4c3e-9f39-4d0e5963cd05">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dry Reception??? : I agree with this, but OP, keep in mind your goal to not "fall off the wagon" is more important than whether folks leave early.  Marina, I'm not saying you don't agree with this, I just wanted to clarify for the OP.
Posted by LisaChris2011[/QUOTE]
I totally agree with you LisaChris. thanks for the clarification.  I was giving her the pros and cons of what she's looking to do.  But it's definitely more important that she doesn't fall off the wagon, and if having a dry reception will help her stay sober, I find no fault with that.

redheadfsu

Your FI needs to handle his family. He gets to tell them that you two decided on having a dry wedding, end of story. Then both of you beandip them (change the subject as in, "have you tried this beandip?")

LisaChris2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:549fb9fe-aa65-475a-9587-a68e86d70dce">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]Another issue I'm having is trying to explain to his family why I want the Dry Reception, as it is kind of embarrasing, and they can be judgemental, his Mom told me I HAD to quit smoking, oh... AND I have to cover up my butterfly tattoo on my shoulder blade. I'm thinking I'm not going to cover her up, she's so much a part of who I am.
Posted by Tamma254[/QUOTE]

You had mentioned you had other family members that have issues with alcohol, so could you use that generalization for the explanation to your FI's family (to protect your dignity that is)?  Also, your FI should do the explaining to his family, not you. 

PS: About your sig: is your FI one of those ghosts investigators??? 

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:549fb9fe-aa65-475a-9587-a68e86d70dce">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]Another issue I'm having is trying to explain to his family why I want the Dry Reception, as it is kind of embarrasing, and they can be judgemental, his Mom told me I HAD to quit smoking, oh... AND I have to cover up my butterfly tattoo on my shoulder blade. I'm thinking I'm not going to cover her up, she's so much a part of who I am.
Posted by Tamma254[/QUOTE]
I don't think you should have to explain to his family why you want the dry reception.  As long as both you and your FI are on board with the decision, I don't see why you need to explain that to them.  It's what you prefer, that should be enough for them. 

Also, like the tattoo, etc., I don't think these things should be up for discussion with them.  Just a "thanks, I'll consider it," bean dip (change the subject), and then do what you choose to do is enough.  If they bother you too much about these things, I really think your FI should stand up for you and tell them to cool it. 

aragx6

Uh yeah, his mom, nor anyone else, has any room to tell you what to do with your tattoo. Just smile and nod and then ignore. Your FI may need to talk with her if it continues.

Tamma254

Thanks, ladies.

@ Lisa, Yep, he's a paranormal investigator, on his way to becoming a parapsychologist.

AbbeyS2011

I sincerely doubt that grandpa will fall over dead if he does not have a drink with dinner, and neither will mom if you don't cover up your tatt.  It is your wedding, and if these two things (out of many) are important to you, then stand your ground.  Tell them to suck it up and deal with it!  (Sarcasm font)

LisaChris2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:f1578fc5-1ce4-4129-b1b6-60f8b6713277">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, ladies. @ Lisa, <strong>Yep, he's a paranormal investigator, on his way to becoming a parapsychologist.
</strong>Posted by Tamma254[/QUOTE]

Very cool!

mica178

I think you and your FI should stick to your guns and have a dry wedding.  Grandpa will have to hold on until he gets home and can drink his beer then.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I tend to think the comfort of the bride and groom and their guests in recovery are a little more important than whether or not I'd like a drink with my dinner. Really, it's fine.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:549fb9fe-aa65-475a-9587-a68e86d70dce">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]Another issue I'm having is trying to explain to his family why I want the Dry Reception, as it is kind of embarrasing, and they can be judgemental, his Mom told me I HAD to quit smoking, oh... AND I have to cover up my butterfly tattoo on my shoulder blade. I'm thinking I'm not going to cover her up, she's so much a part of who I am.
Posted by Tamma254[/QUOTE]

Why do you feel the need to explain yourself to his family? Is your FI on the same page as you are as to the decision to have a dry wedding?

Karennrob

I am a recovering alcoholic with only 488 days sober. All my family and his, and our friends know this, and support our decision to not have alcohol at OUR wedding. If you feel you might be tempted to drink, you definitely need to stand your ground. This is you and your FIs day, not anyone elses. Good Luck! 

Tamma254

In Response to Re: Dry Reception???:
[QUOTE]I am a recovering alcoholic with only 488 days sober. All my family and his, and our friends know this, and support our decision to not have alcohol at OUR wedding. If you feel you might be tempted to drink, you definitely need to stand your ground. This is you and your FIs day, not anyone elses. Good Luck! 
Posted by Karennrob[/QUOTE]

Congrats!!

and, yes, FI is on the same page.

manychihuahuas

My FI is in recovery and we plan on having alcohol at our celebration.  HOWEVER, he has been sober for 26 years.  The idea of anyone pressuring someone in recovery for ANY length of time is irritating but for them to do it to someone newly sober is outrageous!!!!

Please do not bend to such stupidity.  Grandpa - and anyone else who is so rude as to object - can suck it.  And NO you do not need to explain your decision or the reasoning behind it to anyone.  The reception is dry.  Period.  

And congratulations on your sobriety.  It is a tough thing you are doing and I respect you for it! 

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:c489ce4c-923d-476d-815c-373ddc9deaba">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a recovering alcoholic with only 488 days sober. All my family and his, and our friends know this, and support our decision to not have alcohol at OUR wedding. If you feel you might be tempted to drink, you definitely need to stand your ground.<strong> This is you and your FIs day, not anyone elses.</strong> Good Luck!  :)
Posted by Karennrob[/QUOTE]

At the risk of spouting off E cliches, the moment you invite other people, a wedding ceases to be solely about the bride and groom. This is not to say that I think the OP should have a Bacchanalian feast just to satisfy their friends or family. But it is NOT just "your and your FI's day."

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:66064be2-8fe5-413f-9507-ba0efc90363a">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dry Reception??? : Why do you feel the need to explain yourself to his family? Is your FI on the same page as you are as to the decision to have a dry wedding?
Posted by<strong><em> sarabellam</em></strong>[/QUOTE]

THIS is a kick-ass screen name!! 

Pleeeasssseee dont take this the wrong way, but our dog's name is Sarabelle and we always call her Sara-bellam, Sarasota, Sara-smell and we absolutely adore her, she is our baby for sure!  So basically, your sn is friggin awesome in my book!

















I think I got really excited about that!  LOL

jaycee7389

i agree with everything the PPs said from having your fi basically tell his grandpa to get over it, to not covering up your tat, and to standing your ground and having a dry reception.

i am typically not a fan of dry receptions, but this is one of those cases where i wouldn't even think twice about it. if you don't want your past history out on the table for everyone to know, maybe just tell them it wasn't in your budget and you'll make it fun without any booze.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:841aab64-1efb-48a3-9544-3914d8b6d3d9Post:c489ce4c-923d-476d-815c-373ddc9deaba">Re: Dry Reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a recovering alcoholic with only 488 days sober. All my family and his, and our friends know this, and support our decision to not have alcohol at OUR wedding. If you feel you might be tempted to drink, you definitely need to stand your ground. This is you and your FIs day, not anyone elses. Good Luck!  :)
Posted by Karennrob[/QUOTE]

You should feel very proud of yourself!

My father has been sober for a little over 2 years and its been a hard journey but a very rewarding one too!

OP....you and the FI need to stand your ground and do what is right for you guys!  Im sure G-pa will be juuussstttt fine ;)

Karennrob

Its OUR day in that we are paying for everything, and it is OUR choice if we want alcohol there, A pink poodle in a tutu as our centerpeice or walk down the aisle to Another One Bites the Dust lol