Flower Girl/Ring Bearer Age

jreid4

Hi!

I'm concerned about our choice for flower girl.  We have chosen my fiance's cousin's daughter, who will be 11 for our wedding next year.  Is this too old for a flower girl?  We only have one other little girl in our family (around 5 years) and I don't want she (or her parents) involved in my wedding at all.  I'm not sure if there's an age 'restriction' or if we should just choose who we want and go with it.

Thanks!

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girlring-bearer-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:845378a7-ec03-4e1d-9add-f3c290d7d22dPost:87658763-2b22-47bb-ab3a-5758b512c96b">Flower Girl/Ring Bearer Age</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I'm concerned about our choice for flower girl.  We have chosen my fiance's cousin's daughter, who will be 11 for our wedding next year.  Is this too old for a flower girl?  We only have one other little girl in our family (around 5 years) and I don't want she (or her parents) involved in my wedding at all.  I'm not sure if there's an age 'restriction' or if we should just choose who we want and go with it. Thanks!
Posted by jreid4[/QUOTE]
#1 - it's "her," not "she."  You wouldn't say, "I don't want she involved," now would you?

#2 - little girls are too old to be FGs when they're old enough to say, "That's stupid, I'm too old to be a FG."

If you don't know or want anyone else, you could just not have one.

Brie2010

I would say it's too old, probably.

I was a flower girl when I was 9.  The ring bearer was 3 or 4.  I very clearly remember being embarrassed to be associated with such a little kid.  Awkward.

Midgie373

I'm gonna guess that most 11 year old girls would pitch a fit at being asked to be a flower girl.  There's no hard and fast rule, but I've never seen a flower girl older than 6 or so.  If there are no other little girls in the family, just skip it.

mandybear7

I kid you all not, but my cousin went to a wedding on Saturday and the flower girl was 20 years old. She was wearing a sparkly silver mini dress and scattered rose petals.

Also, a flower girl is not necessary. If you are having difficulty coming up with someone to be a flower girl, just don't have one.

Calypso1977

11 is pushing it, although at least you know that she will behave (hopefully!).  id rather have an 11 yo than a girl under 5 or 6.

kd.joseph

An 11 year old is too old.

And you are not required to have a FG/RB at your wedding. Just dont have one.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

When I was 7 or 8, I would have thought I was too old to be a flower girl. Because I was a flower girl when I was 2 and again at 3, so I figured that was something little kids did. And I saw myself as being VERY different than a 2 or 3 year old at 7 or 8.

That said, you can ask her... but you don't NEED a flower girl, either. Especially if you don't have a friend's child, sibling, niece, or close cousin who can fill the role. It's not like casting a play.

apnk2005

If you'd like to have her in your wedding, I'd suggest calling her a junior bridesmaid.   

If you just want a flower girl, I'd suggest you forget it.  You don't have to have a flower girl, and the flower girl pictures are only cute when they're under five.  Junior bridesmaid pictures look much better when they're older.

MobKaz

My daugher very much wanted her younger cousin/who is also her Goddaughter, involved in the wedding.  "Kristy" will be close to 10 and we realized she might be a bit too old to be a "flower girl" so we are calling her a Junior Bridesmaid.  The BM's will wear black dresses with pink accents; Kristy will wear a pink dress with perhaps some black accents.  My daughter asked Kristy to decide whether she feels "ok" tossing a few flower petals down the aisle.  Kristy said she would be happy to do anything for her Godmother.  Kristy will also be "in charge" of the bubble basket; it will be up to her to make sure that guests have a bubble wand after the ceremony.  Kristy is mature for her age and is just happy to be a part of such a special day. 

Basically, my daughter wants Kristy to have a role in the wedding; this is different from having a "role" that we need a person to fulfill.  I guess you have to decide whether it is the role of flower girl you are looking to fulfill or whether it is this 11 year old that you wish to include in your wedding.  Good luck!

jreid4

Tidetravel: I'm so sorry my gramatically incorrect typo offended you - I hope you can get over it.

Thanks for all the comments!  Honestly, my wedding is really the first one that I'm really involved with because I'm only the second person in my group of friends to get married and my family is small so there weren't many weddings to attend as a kid.  I like the idea of a flower girl, which is why I would like to have one, but I see how it's not really necessary.  I like the kids, though, so I want a flower girl and a ring bearer.  I guess it's nice that my fiance's cousin's daughter is 11 but she really looks about 8.  No one really knows why, but she's just kind of small and looks really young, so maybe no one will even know. 

Thanks again for the comments!

SparrowSong

I'd rather an 11 yr old than a 2 yr old. If she wants to do it, she's not too old.

CLSchramm

My cousin had a flower girl who was 13 because she wanted someone who would behave. IMO we make kids grow up too fast these days; my wedding was the first wedding I had ever been in, and I can promise you that had you asked me to be your flower girl at age 11 I would have been thrilled to do it for you.

It sounds like you know this little girl pretty well, as well as her family, so the real question is, how will she and her parents feel about you asking her to be your flower girl? If you're not sure, you could ask your FMIL, who probably know her family well, if they would be more comfortable with you asking her to be a JrBM or a FG. Do a little research, spend some time with her and her family, and I'm sure you'll find your answer.

PiscesFish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girlring-bearer-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:845378a7-ec03-4e1d-9add-f3c290d7d22dPost:87658763-2b22-47bb-ab3a-5758b512c96b">Flower Girl/Ring Bearer Age</a>:
[QUOTE]  We only have one other little girl in our family (around 5 years) and I don't want she (or her parents) involved in my wedding at all.  I'm not sure if there's an age 'restriction' or if we should just choose who we want and go with it. Thanks!
Posted by jreid4[/QUOTE]

This is what's giving me pause... IDK who you're "closer" to (in terms of emotions and/or blood), but choosing one female relative over another can lead to SERIOUS drama at weddings.  Of course it is your choice if you don't want a badly behaved child and obnoxious parents involved in your wedding.  But do be prepared for hurt feelings - and depending on how unreasonable the parents are, anything between a tantrum at the wedding, to the parents refusing to attend, to the parents' severing their relationship with you/your FI - I have seen all of these scenarios happen in the weddings I've been involved with.  No reasonable person blames you, but come up with a way to smooth things over with regards the 5 year old and her parents.

That said,  if the 11 year old wants to be FG, go for it. I'm another one who would have loved to had I been asked at that age. :)