NER - Consumption Bar

1mobags

And no offense to Idaho of course it's just way cheaper is my point

tanyamary627

I don't think paying for a drink can be compared to paying for your own dinner.  In all of the instances that PP have mentioned, I'm sure that soda, water, etc. were provided, so a guest isn't required to buy a drink.  The weddings where I had to open my wallet?  I am glad they had alcohol available to purchase, versus having a dry wedding, even though it's against etiquette.  If I had to choose between following etiquette and making my guests happy, I'd choose making my guests happy.

Anyway, back to my original question.  I am hosting alcohol. And If anyone had a consumption bar, please share what the average # of drinks per person calculated out to be so that I can budget for hosted drinks all night.

tanyamary627

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:29271ac4-8321-4299-a5ac-2cf4008f8021">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : I'm backing you up here because when I was debating doing the open bar for two hours people actually told me not to waste my money because they always expect to pay. <strong>People that are calling you rude are amazingly rude themselves.</strong> This is why I try to stay off this board. <strong>Regional differences are huge.</strong> Should I not invite my family to my wedding because our immediate families are 100 people. Isn't limiting their drinks rude? Open bar for my family would be ten thousand dollars. It's Boston not Idaho.
Posted by 1mobags[/QUOTE]

Agree :)

SJM7538

It's okay to have different opinions its just all about staying civil and not getting worked up. My brother did two drinks per person per hour.

1mobags

Most sites I looked at said to figure two drinks per hour it may seem like a lot but drinks get cleared fast and half empty (hence my please don't take my drink I'm dancing coasters!) that should cover the heavy drinkers and the tee totalers because it should even out.

tanyamary627

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:809bbc0c-5f91-4cfd-946a-27321005fa09">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Most sites I looked at said to figure two drinks per hour it may seem like a lot but drinks get cleared fast and half empty (hence my please don't take my drink I'm dancing coasters!) that should cover the heavy drinkers and the tee totalers because it should even out.
Posted by 1mobags[/QUOTE]

That does seem like a lot but when you put it that way it makes sense... Wow!

emeejeeayen

Would it be possible to have beer/wine available at the bar and then have a signature drink passed via waiters with trays? It would slow consumption down considerably. We used to do this at media events in NYC. You can tell the waiters to pass drinks out quickly at the beginning, then slow down throughout the evening. Anyone who just wants beer/wine (less expensive) can get it at the bar without tracking down a waiter. 

stephie25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:153624e1-c4cc-4b3a-a60b-024188bfc310">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : So are you saying that if you had a close friend who was getting married and you had to pay for a drink you would up and leave her wedding because you couldnt have an alcoholic beverage for free? I'd be pretty hurt if I found out this was the reasons a guest left my wedding. And as others have said, cash and capped bars are common  in our area. So I go to a wedding with cash and if not most places take plastic now a days. I expect to pay for a drin,k and if I don't have to, then great, the bartender will most likely advise me that it will turn to cash at some point.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Ditto this. I've been to far more weddings with an open cocktail hour/hosted beer & wine/hosted signature drink than I have open bar. I don't ever expect an open bar at a wedding. If it's there, fabulous, if not I don't side eye it either. I think this is a regional thing because it really isn't uncommon here. </div>

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:14855536-15da-4547-90cd-37b12fff5144">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar :   I do see it both ways - honestly, I'd rather pay for a drink at a wedding than be sober - but I would sooner cut all flowers, decorations, etc, before having a cash bar. I think cash bars are fine for corporate events, but this is a wedding.  You host what you can afford. 
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I completely agree here. I wouldn't be horribly offended by seeing a cash bar, and I typically take cash to weddings unless I know for sure that it's open bar, because I would much rather have the choice of buying a drink than nothing, but I wouldn't ever want to host a wedding with a cash bar. Then again, I'm really not spending much on anything outside of attire, food and drink.

</div>

tanyamary627

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:5b6cc78c-b5ff-4c8e-b21e-474196b6a1a2">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Would it be possible to have beer/wine available at the bar and then have a signature drink passed via waiters with trays? It would slow consumption down considerably. We used to do this at media events in NYC. You can tell the waiters to pass drinks out quickly at the beginning, then slow down throughout the evening. Anyone who just wants beer/wine (less expensive) can get it at the bar without tracking down a waiter. 
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

We could do this - but even if we did, we would still have other mixed drinks available at the bar for guests to buy, b/c I know many would prefer having the option to pay for the drink they enjoy most.  So I would rather host all types of drinks (except top shelf) up to the cap.

TheVirginians

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:1ebd28da-a3d9-4787-87ce-28137df77830">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : Cash bars are very popular in my area; I told my husband that I would eat ramen for every single meal until the wedding if that's what it took to keep that thing open. Hankies for the church, a sweets table, a videographer, the limo, I cut it all for that bar.  And it was worth it. 
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]


Here! Here!

I just moved from Boston to DC. Went to about 20 weddings in Boston. There was one cash bar. All the guests were dumbfounded at that one because it was not done in our circle.

allychase

Wtf is E turning into?? Also, no I wouldn't leave because I am not getting free alcohol, Id be pissed that I was asked to pay for something at a party I was invited to. Don't twist my words around. Don't have a bar if you can't afford it, simple as that. If you had to DIY things cause your budget was slim, you recognized you couldn't afford it, but now all the sudden you're having a bar that you can't pay for??

allychase

In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar:Ugh thank god I don't live in an area where its normal to completely break etiquette. Guests should never have to pay for something at a party. Ever, ever.... Ever. If you were charging for drinks at a BBQ that's totally unacceptable so I don't understand why people think its ok at weddings. And I HATE that BS line.. Not everyone can afford it. Uh, ok, so if I can't afford centerpieces with 4 dozen roses should I have a jar out on the table for everyone to help me pay because I wanted them to have something nice on their table but couldn't afford it? Or should the guests be handed a bill at the end of the night for the filet mignon because I couldn't afford it? Spin it however you want but cash bar is no exception. It's, you want to appear tonbsp;have all the bells and whistles of a fun wedding but can't afford it so put the bill on your guests. Be the exception to the rule in your area, maybe others will follow suit and change the norm.Posted by allychaseThis depends on the bride and the budget. All my center pieces are DIY and rather inexpensive. all the other decor my mom is paying for. So yes I will have center pieces afforable ones but I still cant afford an open bar for all 200 of my guests. So what difference does that make? Cutting out center pieces and skipping favors doesn't make me so much richer thatnbsp;I can afford an open bar. Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

So don't have a bar and ask your guests to pay for it.

allychase

In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar:In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : So arenbsp;you saying that if you had a close friend who was getting married and you had to pay for a drink younbsp;would up and leave her wedding because you couldnt have an alcoholic beverage for free? I'd be pretty hurt if I found out this was the reasons anbsp;guest left mynbsp;wedding. And as others have said, cash and capped bars are commonnbsp; in our area. So I go to a wedding with cash and if not most places take plastic now a days. I expect to pay for a drin,k and if I don't have to, then great, the bartender will most likely advise me that it will turn to cash at some point.Posted by SJM7538

I'm backing you up here because when I was debating doing the open bar for two hours people actually told me not to waste my money because they always expect to pay. People that are calling you rude are amazingly rude themselves. This is why I try to stay off this board. Regional differences are huge. Should I not invite my family to my wedding because our immediate families are 100 people. Isn't limiting their drinks rude? Open bar for my family would be ten thousand dollars. It's Boston not Idaho. Posted by 1mobags[/QUOTE]

Rude for pointing out its rude to ask your guests to pay for something you're hosting. Right.

KellyBrian2013

The majority of the advice in here makes me weep for the E board.

Host what you can afford, but please - for the love of all that is holy - do not ask your guests to open their wallets. Especially so if you are planning to cover drinks to a point. You'd be much better off to offer a limited selection all night than convert to a cash bar.

As someone posted earlier, it's incredibly embarassing to think you're getting a drink for free, offer to get some for others, and then be told that suddenly (after 2 or 3 hours of ordering drinks at no cost) you owe the bartender $20+.

If you want to properly host people (which you should, as the reception is the thank you to the guests, NOT a party for the bride & groom), then you should be hosting for (and paying for) anything that you are offering. There's nothing wrong with limiting that selection, so long as you're planning to cover the costs in their entirety.

What to budget for it? Depends on your crowd. We (luckily) had a large open bar that was included in the meal price. About half of our crowd spent the majority of the reception there, and I can only imagine what the tab would have been by consumption given the number of shots that people were doing. But the open bar was also one of our musts when it came to choosing a venue, as we had a lot of 20-somethings and heavy social drinkers on our guest list.

Ashes_3

Don't use the excuse that it is a regional thing or nobody in our area has open bars. Bad etiquette is bad etiquette where ever you live and with no regards of whom did it before you. Host what you can afford, no cash bars . Never ask you guest's to pay for anything regardless of where you live.

SJM7538

How did I twist your words Around? In a previous post you stated that if you had to pay for a drink at a wedding that you'd be inclined to leave bc you had to on pay for do something at a party that you were invited to? And also I put it in question form... I wasn't stating a fact I was asking you a question so you need to calm down. It's an online forum for open discussion. Clearly people are going to have different views on things. What's the point in getting all worked up?

SB1512

FI and I went to a wedding recently that was hosted beer and wine only.  However, the reception was at a golf course and there was a second bar open for golf club members (not in the same room as the wedding) and many people did visit that bar to purchase mixed drinks on their own.  However, it had nothing to do with the bride and groom advertising or encouraging people to go that route.  The bar in the wedding area had the other liquors bottled covered and cute signs up stating what was hosted.  Since many guests were familiar with the golf club they knew there would be another bar to buy mixed drinks, but it was not advertised or encouraged by the bride and groom, so they didn't do anything against etiquette because they were not asking their guests to open their wallet.  Because a lot of restaurants or golf clubs may have other bars open for non wedding patrons I think that is the only way a bride and groom can get around the issue of hosting limited alcohol options but there still being a (non advertised) other option for guests to purchase non hosted alcohol without the bride and groom coming off as rude.

Tandksmommy

I don't mind a cash bar (which would mean I'd have 1-2 and call it quits), but Id like to know that ahead of time so I can be prepared. Unfortunately, there's just no classy way of letting people know that other than word of mouth.

In our case, we don't want to spend the $24 per person for alcohol on 80 people. We have many who don't drink at all, but if we pay for some we have to pay for all. So, we are doing it by consumption. Liquour is per glass, beer is by the keg, and wine is by the bottle. We know our friends and family well enough to know what they drink. Turns out, each person would have to drink 15 liqour drinks (or something equally as outrageous) to make it worth it for the $24 per person...so we know we will come in well below that.

Is having the bar open for only a certain number of hours an option? Or only having beer and wine? Only beer?

KatWAG

AllyChase: I, 110 percent, agree with you. I am crying for the etiquette board. Can we please stop supporting tacky. rude ideas.

OP, I understand that you have a strict budget. Everyone has a budget. Even if its a million dollars, everyone has some sort of budget. Your problem can be very easily solved. Cut your guest list. This way you can properly host your guests, and they wont have to pay for anything.

KatWAG

I also love how this post is title "Not Etiquette Related"

::head on desk::

SJM7538

Cut my guest list for open bar? Seriously? I'm sorry aunt Jane, you're not important enough to make the cut on my guest list because its far more important for other guests to have free booze. Yeah that's not rude or tacky. Most people have a hard enough time cutting their guest list down to begin with. Cutting it down to offer free drinks to others is ridiculous. I'm sorry. I don't expect to go to a wedding and automatically get free liquor. It's my choice to drink and if I have to pay for a drink then so be it.

SJM7538

And the original post was never etiquette related. She asked how to calculate how much to budget. It turned into etiquette when I suggested putting a cap on the bar.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:3a919eda-291d-42b1-9270-f5d35a47a043">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Cut my guest list for open bar? Seriously? I'm sorry aunt Jane, you're not important enough to make the cut on my guest list because its far more important for other guests to have free booze. </strong>Yeah that's not rude or tacky. Most people have a hard enough time cutting their guest list down to begin with. Cutting it down to offer free drinks to others is ridiculous. I'm sorry. I don't expect to go to a wedding and automatically get free liquor. It's my choice to drink and if I have to pay for a drink then so be it.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]


I agree with this. Personally though I think OP should have a open bar cocktail hour instead of a consumption bar with a cash limit, only because that way it's clear to the guest when they would need to pay.

allychase

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:153624e1-c4cc-4b3a-a60b-024188bfc310">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : So are you saying that if you had a close friend who was getting married and you had to pay for a drink you would up and leave her wedding <strong>because you couldnt have an alcoholic beverage for free?</strong> <strong>I'd be pretty hurt if I found out this was the reasons a guest left my wedding.</strong> And as others have said, cash and capped bars are common  in our area. So I go to a wedding with cash and if not most places take plastic now a days. I expect to pay for a drin,k and if I don't have to, then great, the bartender will most likely advise me that it will turn to cash at some point.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is where you twisted my words, assuming whenever I go to a party I expect to be given unlimited free alcohol. I will explain this AGAIN. OPEN BARS ARE NOT NECESSARY. But if you are having one, YOU pay for it as the HOST of the party. Don't have an open bar if you can't afford it. And if your guests are upset that they can't have alcohol, I'll lead you back to your own point that they shouldn't expect alcohol and should have a good time regardless. If they can't go 5 hours without a drink perhaps they have a problem.

</div>

allychase

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:3a919eda-291d-42b1-9270-f5d35a47a043">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Cut my guest list for open bar? Seriously?</strong> I'm sorry aunt Jane, you're not important enough to make the cut on my guest list because its far more important for other guests to have free booze. Yeah that's not rude or tacky. Most people have a hard enough time cutting their guest list down to begin with. Cutting it down to offer free drinks to others is ridiculous. I'm sorry. <strong>I don't expect to go to a wedding and automatically get free liquor.</strong> It's my choice to drink and if I have to pay for a drink then so be it.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>-Cut your guest list, or flower budget, or hair/makeup budget, or HM budget, or DJ budget, or ANYTHING if it means you're considering asking your guests to pay for your party. </div><div>
</div><div>-That's fine. But if you can't afford a bar you don't have one. </div><div>
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Peledreamsofrain

Ok, so etiquettewise, it's gauche to make your guests pay for anything at a party you invited them to. I can see where people would get upset. Personally? I'd pay for drinks in a hot second if the only other option was water. Watching most of my family dance while sober is not to be borne . I would think it tacky, but not be so offended that i'd mention it or leave. Just my two cents.

SJM7538

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:36ecc455-6dff-4a03-bcab-89a50516a805">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : <strong>This is where you twisted my words, assuming whenever I go to a party I expect to be given unlimited free alcohol</strong>. I will explain this AGAIN. OPEN BARS ARE NOT NECESSARY. But if you are having one, YOU pay for it as the HOST of the party. Don't have an open bar if you can't afford it. And if your guests are upset that they can't have alcohol, I'll lead you back to your own point that they shouldn't expect alcohol and should have a good time regardless.<strong> If they can't go 5 hours without a drink perhaps they have a problem.
</strong>Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

I never said you expected unlimited free alcohol. However... YOU were the one that stated that if you went to a wedding a found out you had to pay for a drink all of a sudden that you would be inclined to leave. You words, not mine.

And I totally agree with you on this second part. You don't need to drink to have a good time, at a wedding, at a BBQ...anywhere for that matter. But I don't really think it's an issue if you're giving your guests the option to drink if they want to - free, not free, or free for a certain amount of time.

Its really just a difference of opinion at this point.

allychase

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:5a9f3ea2-0f34-49b6-a667-688215779a32">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : I never said you expected unlimited free alcohol. However... <strong>YOU were the one that stated that if you went to a wedding a found out you had to pay for a drink all of a sudden that you would be inclined to leave</strong>. You words, not mine. And I totally agree with you on this second part. You don't need to drink to have a good time, at a wedding, at a BBQ...anywhere for that matter. But I don't really think it's an issue if you're giving your guests the option to drink if they want to - free, not free, or free for a certain amount of time. <strong>Its really just a difference of opinion at this point.</strong>
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>-Yes, I said this, what are you getting at? My point is it's not my job to pay for anything the hosts are giving me. That's rude. If I'm giving them a gift, cash, and witnessing their marriage I expect to be hosted properly, not told I'm going to pay for my drinks. </div><div>
</div><div>-A difference of caring about our guests comfort, yes. Everyone wants to drink when they come to a wedding. You're dangling the alcohol in front of them, then when they reach for it they need to pull their wallet out. I really can't believe you don't see how rude this is. Why do you keep ignoring the fact you can't have guests pay for anything at your wedding? Ever? That's not opinion, thats fact. It's not ok. Just because you can't afford it and other people you knew committed the same faux pas, doesn't excuse your rude behavior. But hey, it's not my wedding. And thank goodness I've always been to weddings hosted properly by the bride and groom.

</div>

allychase

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:3f511e2a-acf4-4095-916f-65e906cc3e73">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so etiquettewise, it's gauche to make your guests pay for anything at a party you invited them to. I can see where people would get upset. Personally? <strong>I'd pay for drinks in a hot second if the only other option was water. </strong>Watching most of my family dance while sober is not to be borne :p. I would think it tacky, but not be so offended that i'd mention it or leave. Just my two cents.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>...But the other option isn't just water. Almost always when there is no alcohol there is still free soda, juice, coffee and water. Way less cost than alcohol, and completely acceptable, as long as you're not expecting them to pay for any of it.

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