Wedding Etiquette Forum

Inviting the third roommate?

I'm planning on inviting two close friends to our wedding, who I know from a hobby club we're all part of. It's a fairly large club, over 40 people. I've been keeping fairly mum about the wedding planning, and have asked the two people I'm inviting to do so as well so as not to make everyone else feel left out.

Recently, my two friends got an apartment another girl who is also in the club. We're on friendly terms, and she's someone I like, but we're not particularly close and I haven't known her for very long.

I'm concerned that if I send an invitation to just these two, she will feel left out, as on obvious omission from the invite. But if I invite her, I feel that others in the group who I've known longer will feel slighted. I'd be happy to have her at the wedding, but am concerned about hurting others feelings.

Should I invite her? Should I hand deliver the invites to the other two so as not to hurt her feelings?

Re: Inviting the third roommate?

  • If she's the type of have hurt feelings over it, her feelings will be hurt whether you hand deliver the invites or mail them.  At some point, she'll know they are going and she's not.  Do you think she would expect or want to be invited? 
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  • I'd say no.  She will probably realize if you're not that close of friends with her.

    The way I look at it is...if you quit the club tomorrow, would you still be friends with her?  I'm guessing not.  This was the test I did when I was determining which co-workers to invite -- I only invited those I would still maintain contact with if I were to quit tomorrow.
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  • Now that I think about it, I'm not sure why I thought hand-delivery would be less offensive. Scratch that.

    She's not the sort of person who would be offended generally, and I don't think she considers me a close friend either, so she wouldn't be offended on principal, but I guess I just feel like it would be awkward for me to invite her roommates and not her?

    She's certainly someone I'd like to be better friends with, but a wedding isn't exactly the best place to get to know someone.
  • I am having this same problem. I am in a scrapbooking group and about a month ago, a new girl joined. She's the niece of one of the girls. I am not going to invite her to the wedding because if I do, then I will feel obligated to invite whoever joins between now and November.

    But, in your case, I would invite the third roommate. It might be kinda weird for the other 2 to be getting ready for the wedding, and she not be included. Especially because you all are at least friendly.
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  • Is it obvious that you're close with these two people? As in, you guys do things that don't involve the club and talk outside the club? If so, I would just invite those two and leave it at that. In any organization there are always people who are closer than others. Some people become good friends through things like that. Adults realize this.
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  • Think of it this way:  if the 3rd girl didn't live with the otehr 2, would you invite her?  I'm guessing no, so I don't think you have to invite her.  I don't think you have to worry about it.  I'm sure she'll realize that she's not as close to you as the other 2, and won't even think twice about not being invited.
  • I just clicked on your bio and see you aren't getting married until April of next year.  I would just put this worry on the back burner for now.  If they're moving in with her now, by the time you're ready to send out invitations in late February/early March, you might be much better friends with this girl and decide to include her.  Or maybe something will happen and you won't be friends with any of them, or maybe they won't live together anymore.  Who knows, but it's almost 9 months from now, so don't worry about this now.
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