what do I do?

aesisson88

OK so my FI's mom lives in Texas. Her and FI's sister(BM), and sister's FI will be coming out for the wedding. Not sure yet about her on again off again boyfriend/ FI but that's not the issue.  Well FI asked her for addresses for his family since we had no idea. (He has no idea what half of their last names are let alone addresses..) Well she calls him and informs him that we need to add his sister's friend who has moved into the house... Am I being crazy for being upset when I don't know this girl and I have had to already cut people that we both know off of the guest list? What am I supposed to do?  We need to send out STD's in about a mmonth... I don't even know this girl's name!!

luckyme502

No, just don't invite her.  You don't know her.

damaless

That seems really bizarre that you're being pressured to invite his sister's friend who you don't know.  I would try explaining that you are already having to cut friends of YOURS due to budgetary reasons so you won't be able to accommodate the friend of the sister.

aesisson88

The only problem is that she is not asking. Just telling. My FI is a total momma's boy and goes with what she says... She is not helping with the cost AT ALL. We are even paying for his sister's BM dress because they cant afford it and letting them stay at our house while they are in town. I am not out to cause problems but I don't know what to do! At least the wedding is almost 10 months out so there is time for things to change... gah! 

damaless

If she's not even contributing to the wedding then you need to put your foot down about this.  Tell her "No, I can't accommodate Sister's Friend when I have had to cut friends of FI and mine from the list due to budgetary reasons."  If she wants to pay for Sister's Friend's plate herself, then it might be more reasonable for her to DEMAND that this girl get an invitation.

aesisson88

ya. thanks ladies! She is just going to have to get used to the idea... blah. And I was hoping for no drama! hahaha

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-i-do-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84a81ef7-fdb9-4f96-8139-633175b0758dPost:bd6f263a-75e0-46be-8e32-5f84eaeb19ed">Re: what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]The only problem is that she is not asking. Just telling. My FI is a total momma's boy and goes with what she says... She is not helping with the cost AT ALL. We are even paying for his sister's BM dress because they cant afford it and letting them stay at our house while they are in town. I am not out to cause problems but I don't know what to do! At least the wedding is almost 10 months out so there is time for things to change... gah! 
Posted by aesisson88[/QUOTE]
3 issues I see:

1)  unless you're having a DW, you don't NEED to send out STDs.  They tend to cause more harm than good, anyway.

2)  There's no reason to invite your sister's friend.  Stand firm.

3)  Balls.  Your FI needs to find them.

aesisson88

80% of the wedding is OOT people. Therefore we are sending STDs. Other than that I agree with you. Thanks for all your input.

tidetravel

Yeah, that presents a problem then

aesisson88

Yeah. He was told this two days ago and told me last night and I managed to NOT freak out and figured I would sleep on it and see if I can just figure out a reasonable solution but none have come to mind... so I guess we are just going to have to sit down and talk tonight and then call his mom and tell her the news. Also, if they can't afford the BM dress why are they paying for this "random person" to come out here?! Thanks for letting me vent guys.

quotequeen

You said you don't know her, but does your FI know her?  It kind of sounds like your FMIL is taking her under her wing and sees her as sort of a foster daughter for the time she is living there, and in that scenario it makes more sense that she would want her invited because while she's living her her roof she sees her as family?

[Deleted User]

your fi is getting married. that means he needs to be a team with his future wife and not his mommy. if he doesn't start standing up to her now, she's going to run all over to him (and you) throughout your marriage. if you end up having kids, this can be especially dreadful. nip it in the bud now.

srkropf

His sister can invite her to her own wedding-- no need for her to come to yours.

aesisson88

Ok so last night when FI got home we sat down and talked about this extra girl. Since neither of us know her we don't really have the budget to add her and his mom was very understanding.  We came to the conclusion that if we have extra room she will get an invitation. She also mentioned that she does not know how long she will be living with them so everything could change by April. WHEW! I feel so much better now.

Kristin789

>> It kind of sounds like your FMIL is taking her under her wing and sees her as sort of a foster daughter for the time she is living there, and in that scenario it makes more sense that she would want her invited because while she's living her her roof she sees her as family?

Yeah, that.
FI's mom isn't asking to bring some random friend her daughter knows from a nearby town that she goes to the movies with on Sunday afternoons sometimes.
FI's mom is asking to bring a girl she has taken in as her own daughter to live in her own house and join her family.

luckyme502

When I was asking for addresses for STDs I emailed a close family friend and asked for her address.  She sent me hers and her grown daughter's address.   Her daughter and I are not close, I have only seen her maybe 6 times in my life.  Her daughter is married with two children.  I just ignored it.  I sent out the STDs and the invitations and didn't send one to her daughter.  No problems.  If she had something, I would have told her that with a guest list of 60, there wasn't enough room for her daughter's family of four. 

aesisson88

If we had an open guest list and could have no budget and invite anyone  I wouldn't care but since people already have to be cut, a person that we don't know is not gonna happen. Plus it's a different friend every couple of months...