Does it look like me?

ricksang

Also I love the cake topper!

tlv204

I like the cake topper and I missed the money convo, so I'll be the happy contributor

salt78

I'm sorry, but I fully agree with everything Ricks, Amoro, and Sunny have said. You are getting married the week after me, and at this point I'm getting married pretty darn soon. You are kind of starting to run out of time to get all the things set straight that you should really have set straight before your wedding happens. It's just kind of hard for me to take it all seriously when we hear so many awful things about Rich here and then suddenly it's all 'look at our cute cake topper!'. 

It is cute. But it just doesn't sit right with me after everything we've heard about on here, ya know?

I am going to run the risk of being flamed mercilessly for saying this because you are a popular poster here, but if any of this situation was being posted by someone who wasn't a reg, that person would have been tarred and feathered by now. Sorry, but that's just the way I feel. I think you are a great girl, Rach, but I think the whole situation is pretty ridiculous. 

RachNRich

Obviously there was more to the surgery discussion than him not wanting me to just have a scar---4 out of 5 doctors wanted the biopsy done. The one who didn't think it needed done, or would provide any diagnosis? The surgeon himself. Obviously, Rich didn't want me to go through with it if even the surgeon didn't see a point. His way to reason with me was through the surgery itself---he's more realistic about my health than I am; he understands more than I do (he worked for a law firm that dealt with medical issues). His approach to the surgury issue with me was awful---but, he got his answer from the doctor, not from me, who said it needed to be done. He has to sit here day after day, and watch me waste away. He had to sit back while they did a bone marrow biopsy---without making sure it was totally necessary first. Of course it bugs the crap out of me when he asks me these questions rather than asking my doctors---but, we're in a really difficult situation with my health---this isn't going to be easy.

As for the money---well, the outcome is more personal than I care to explain on here---but, essentially, the money was written out to him. He put it in his account, and told me I could have it when needed. Of course, that meant I had to ask for it. Rather than simply asking for it, I paid for it myself---and got mad at him for not just "giving" me money because I didn't want to ask for it. His fault, or mine?


The responses I'm calling idiotic are the ones who said nothing other than "run. and don't look back."
That doesn't help me any. That doesn't help anyone else who may be in a similar situation. Suggesting counseling? Suggesting deep consideration of different things? Sure, that's helpful---but for those who just told me to run, well, I find that idiotic.

Ricks, I can tell the difference between those who legitimately care, and those who--as far as I know--have never said two words to me before, but lurk enough to know who I am, and feel it good to put in a jab about how Rich is probably off boinking his students and hiding it from me. I appreciated the actual considerate responses---but, honestly, there were some that just didn't fit.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:93f42193-aed6-46b8-99ce-c97e79d5216f">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but I fully agree with everything Ricks, Amoro, and Sunny have said. You are getting married the week after me, and at this point I'm getting married pretty darn soon. You are kind of starting to run out of time to get all the things set straight that you should really have set straight before your wedding happens. It's just kind of hard for me to take it all seriously when we hear so many awful things about Rich here and then suddenly it's all 'look at our cute cake topper!'.  It is cute. But it just doesn't sit right with me after everything we've heard about on here, ya know? <strong>I am going to run the risk of being flamed mercilessly for saying this because you are a popular poster here, but if any of this situation was being posted by someone who wasn't a reg, that person would have been tarred and feathered by now.</strong> Sorry, but that's just the way I feel. I think you are a great girl, Rach, but I think the whole situation is pretty ridiculous. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Jessjo, anyone?

goheels05

I am probably heavily influenced by the fact that 1) Rach is a fairly popular regular and 2) I really like Rach, but I kind of feel like we need to give her a break.  I feel like everyone got their point across in the money and subsequent threads.  Rach is a smart girl; she knows what is right and what is wrong, and she read and "heard" what everyone had to say, and most likely took it to heart, and dealt with the situation in a way that she felt appropriate based on information given to her by other posters and information that we don't have since we don't know her or Rich IRL.  If this were a "we get it" thread, I'd be saying, "we get it, everyone thinks R&R's relationship is dysfunctional and doomed", and I'm pretty sure Rach gets it.  But at this point, everything that could be helpful has already been said, and it's up to Rach how to act on that information. 

Between "we get it" and the fact that she's recovering from surgery, I personally think it's time to give it a rest for a while.  JMO.

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:c6d1dd73-f5fc-47af-8794-5f49129ee624">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am probably heavily influenced by the fact that 1) Rach is a fairly popular regular and 2) I really like Rach, but I kind of feel like we need to give her a break.  I feel like everyone got their point across in the money and subsequent threads.  Rach is a smart girl; she knows what is right and what is wrong, and she read and "heard" what everyone had to say, and most likely took it to heart, and dealt with the situation in a way that she felt appropriate based on information given to her by other posters and information that we don't have since we don't know her or Rich IRL.  If this were a "we get it" thread, I'd be saying, "we get it, everyone thinks R&R's relationship is dysfunctional and doomed", and I'm pretty sure Rach gets it.  But at this point, everything that could be helpful has already been said, and it's up to Rach how to act on that information.  Between "we get it" and the fact that she's recovering from surgery, I personally think it's time to give it a rest for a while.  JMO.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

I completely agree. It's really hard to give good advice when we only know one side of the story-what Rach is telling us here. It's easy to say, oh Rich is a money-controlling turdmonkey when we've only heard Rach complain about the situation. Because that's what these boards are really good at; venting and getting some outside advice. But there also comes a time and a place to just STFU about it and let Rach and Rich deal with it. We are still a wedding planning board and if Rach wants to post her adorable cake toppers, then she should! And it shouldn't have to turn into a discussion about what happened, because that's not what she posted about. 

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:8f40ab4c-8cef-4443-8faa-b2578a14b60b">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it look like me? : Jessjo, anyone?
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

<div>Jessjo has more issues than National Geographic.</div>

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:81471552-1e44-4175-b296-87a62010f930">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it look like me? :  We are still a wedding planning board and if Rach wants to post her adorable cake toppers, then she should! And it shouldn't have to turn into a discussion about what happened, because that's not what she posted about. 
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't disagree with you, but I am saying that it's kind of funny how we play favorites on here with people. I've been guilty of doing it just as much as the next guy. If Rach was not a reg and you didn't like her, you wouldn't be saying any of those things.</div>

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:e6e0b606-d8e4-4a7f-8147-c1dea766d8fa">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]Obviously there was more to the surgery discussion than him not wanting me to just have a scar---4 out of 5 doctors wanted the biopsy done. The one who didn't think it needed done, or would provide any diagnosis? The surgeon himself. Obviously, Rich didn't want me to go through with it if even the surgeon didn't see a point. His way to reason with me was through the surgery itself---he's more realistic about my health than I am; he understands more than I do (he worked for a law firm that dealt with medical issues). His approach to the surgury issue with me was awful---but, he got his answer from the doctor, not from me, who said it needed to be done. He has to sit here day after day, and watch me waste away. He had to sit back while they did a bone marrow biopsy---without making sure it was totally necessary first. Of course it bugs the crap out of me when he asks me these questions rather than asking my doctors---but, we're in a really difficult situation with my health---this isn't going to be easy. As for the money---well, the outcome is more personal than I care to explain on here---but, essentially, the money was written out to him. He put it in his account, and told me I could have it when needed. Of course, that meant I had to ask for it. Rather than simply asking for it, I paid for it myself---and got mad at him for not just "giving" me money because I didn't want to ask for it. His fault, or mine? The responses I'm calling idiotic are the ones who said nothing other than "run. and don't look back." That doesn't help me any. That doesn't help anyone else who may be in a similar situation. Suggesting counseling? Suggesting deep consideration of different things? Sure, that's helpful---but for those who just told me to run, well, I find that idiotic. <strong>Ricks, I can tell the difference between those who legitimately care, and those who--as far as I know--have never said two words to me before, but lurk enough to know who I am, and feel it good to put in a jab about how Rich is probably off boinking his students and hiding it from me. I appreciated the actual considerate responses---but, honestly, there were some that just didn't fit.
</strong>Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

I can see your point there!

mwhitson14

I would really salt because my biggest complaints about this board is how a simple post turns into something that wasn't even the point of the post. And to be honest, I don't have much interaction with Rach and don't have an opinion about her either way. I like her as much as I like anyone on this board, but I'm not all, "oh rach is totally my bff!"

jessjo04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:f04c24fd-d2cf-4040-aede-79ece8fd4b67">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it look like me? : Jessjo has more issues than National Geographic.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Actually the relationship between me and my husband has been great lately- after I decided that I care more about my husband than what people online say about my husband.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:d1fab780-c597-4c20-b7f4-d72d2045e150">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would really salt because my biggest complaints about this board is how a simple post turns into something that wasn't even the point of the post. And to be honest, I don't have much interaction with Rach and don't have an opinion about her either way. I like her as much as I like anyone on this board, but I'm not all, "oh rach is totally my bff!"
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

<div>Duly noted.</div>

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:93f42193-aed6-46b8-99ce-c97e79d5216f">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but I fully agree with everything Ricks, Amoro, and Sunny have said. You are getting married the week after me, and at this point I'm getting married pretty darn soon. You are kind of starting to run out of time to get all the things set straight that you should really have set straight before your wedding happens. It's just kind of hard for me to take it all seriously when we hear so many awful things about Rich here and then suddenly it's all 'look at our cute cake topper!'.  It is cute. But it just doesn't sit right with me after everything we've heard about on here, ya know? I am going to run the risk of being flamed mercilessly for saying this because you are a popular poster here, but if any of this situation was being posted by someone who wasn't a reg, that person would have been tarred and feathered by now. Sorry, but that's just the way I feel. I think you are a great girl, Rach, but I think the whole situation is pretty ridiculous. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

I'm not disagreeing with you, Salty.

The picture I painted of Rich wasn't a good one. But I'm in one of those "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situations now. I could try to give more details to paint a better picture, but I'd be accused of making excuses for him.

All I have to say is that things really suck for me right now. Really. And, sadly, 99.9% of the time Rich is the only one around----so, of course he's going to get on my nerves, and I'm going to point fingers at him---often at times when he doesn't even know I'm upset. That's not very fair of me to do.

He's a great guy---wonderful. Sits by my side daily as I cry. Tries to put me back together everytime I fall apart. Goes to the store 5 times a day to get me different food I can keep down. Cancels every class needed to go to my doctors appointments.

And I feel awful that I made him out to be such a tool the other day---because lord knows what he would have to say about all my bitchyass-moaning if he spent all his time on The Knot.

So, with that, I'll just drop the subject. I appreciate you guys caring about me, and you'll never know how much it means to me. But--now I'm crying, and I don't have the strength in my neck (with that darn incision) to even blow my nose....so....

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:893eb8a7-43bf-4456-b3cc-b8035c8069cd">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it look like me? : Actually the relationship between me and my husband has been great lately- after I decided that I care more about my husband than what people online say about my husband.
Posted by jessjo04[/QUOTE]

<div>Well since none of us know your husband IRL, I guess people here could only know what we were getting directly from you. </div>

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:fd6c3517-4d0b-4d88-87fb-baec1f514759">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it look like me? :  He's a great guy---wonderful. Sits by my side daily as I cry. Tries to put me back together everytime I fall apart. Goes to the store 5 times a day to get me different food I can keep down. Cancels every class needed to go to my doctors appointments. And I feel awful that I made him out to be such a tool the other day---because lord knows what he would have to say about all my bitchyass-moaning if he spent all his time on The Knot. So, with that, I'll just drop the subject. I appreciate you guys caring about me, and you'll never know how much it means to me. But--now I'm crying, and I don't have the strength in my neck (with that darn incision) to even blow my nose....so....
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm SO HAPPY to hear these things. I really like hearing about the good in people. Let's talk about that more here. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>

jessjo04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:3d89b769-9252-4220-afc0-89d46ec33310">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it look like me? : Well since none of us know your husband IRL, I guess people here could only know what we were getting directly from you. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Lately, you (collective) have been hearing nothing about him. Thats on purpose, lets leave it that way.

mwhitson14

[QUOTE]But--now I'm crying, and I don't have the strength in my neck (with that darn incision) to even blow my nose....so....[QUOTE]

<a href="http://www.walgreens.com/store/catalog/Cough-and-Cold/Neti-Pot/ID=prod2630220&navCount=1&navAction=push-product?V=G&ec=frgl_584008&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=sku2629657" rel="nofollow">http://www.walgreens.com/store/catalog/Cough-and-Cold/Neti-Pot/ID=prod2630220&navCount=1&navAction=push-product?V=G&ec=frgl_584008&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=sku2629657</a>

salt78

NO CRYING!

RachNRich

NO NETI POT!!! NOOOOOO!!

(sucrets scared the crap out of me with the stupid neti pot)

jens_a_ten

Oh Jessjo... Come under my wing and let me pet your head. 

mwhitson14

The neti pot creeps me out too, but it's all I could think of to get the snot out of your nose without blowing

jessjo04

Oh jens, I just want to reach out and scratch your big furry cat's belly. Mostly because I dont like cats, and my cats hate when I do that.

RachNRich

I have a feeling that one of these days I'm going to walk past one in a store, buy it on impulse, and love it.

And never admit to it out loud.

salt78

Neti pots are horrifying and wonderful all at the same time. 

jens_a_ten

Dammit I love that cat more than life itself. 

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:fd6c3517-4d0b-4d88-87fb-baec1f514759">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it look like me? : I'm not disagreeing with you, Salty. The picture I painted of Rich wasn't a good one. But I'm in one of those "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situations now. I could try to give more details to paint a better picture, but I'd be accused of making excuses for him. All I have to say is that things really suck for me right now. Really. And, sadly, 99.9% of the time Rich is the only one around----so, of course he's going to get on my nerves, and I'm going to point fingers at him---often at times when he doesn't even know I'm upset. That's not very fair of me to do. He's a great guy---wonderful. Sits by my side daily as I cry. Tries to put me back together everytime I fall apart. Goes to the store 5 times a day to get me different food I can keep down. Cancels every class needed to go to my doctors appointments. And I feel awful that I made him out to be such a tool the other day---because lord knows what he would have to say about all my bitchyass-moaning if he spent all his time on The Knot. So, with that, I'll just drop the subject. I appreciate you guys caring about me, and you'll never know how much it means to me. But--now I'm crying, and I don't have the strength in my neck (with that darn incision) to even blow my nose....so....
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

Rach, I just came back to this discussion, and I'm really impressed with how you phrased all of this. I see your point(s) and wish you the best of luck.

mandysmear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_look-like?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84daf2ca-e379-43ab-bca6-9b43b7cc3044Post:dff34504-60d3-454f-9689-a0498030051f">Re: Does it look like me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it look like me? : I don't disagree with you, but I am saying that it's kind of funny how we play favorites on here with people. I've been guilty of doing it just as much as the next guy. If Rach was not a reg and you didn't like her, you wouldn't be saying any of those things.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

EGG-ZACHARY.

(i only made it this far... i'm off to finish.  oh and PS. way to use pain meds as an out for your defensiveness... i found that incredibly lame)