Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings

quotequeen

From the Knot's article on worst wedding advice:

Bad Advice: "I was recently a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. I'm also engaged and was amazed when she told me I couldn't wear my engagement ring during her wedding because it was larger than hers…ridiculous!" Scarlet, Longview, TX
Our Advice: Being upstaged by a bridesmaid can be a very real fear for some brides. Handle the situation gently -- explain that you'd rather not take off the ring for personal reasons. If she persists, remove it to avoid more drama.

Um.... no.

golden1215

I've had a friend ask me to not get my ring cleaned at the same time as her because she didnt want her ring to look "sad" in comparison.  I obliged because it was only a cleaning and she does have a baby ring next to mine; for a wedding, I might  turn it upside down but that would be it.  She can take up her ring-envy with her FI if its a really an issue, not me.

crfische

Friends don't let friends be crazy.

goheels05

Um, I don't usually talk about how much my ring cost, but I will say that it's worth more than my car.  I'll take my ring off when the bride writes me a check for it's full appraised value.  Not even joking. 

AlexiaANDRobert

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:2a637fb7-a7d1-4a11-b9c8-7223d696ef8d">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I've had a friend ask me to not get my ring cleaned at the same time as her because she didnt want her ring to look "sad" in comparison.</strong>  I obliged because it was only a cleaning and she does have a baby ring next to mine; for a wedding, I might   turn it upside down but that would be it.  She can take up her ring-envy with her FI if its a really an issue, not me.
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

I even think that's ridiculous.

[Deleted User]

I would never remove my ring just because a bride was jealous or worried I would upstage her. I'd tell her to get over herself and step down from being a BM if she made that big a deal out of it.

No one should have to take off her engagement ring, it's something very personal and emaningful, and a bride should recognize that.

rotella

I've never been to a wedding where I look at the bridesmaids rings! Everyone always admires the bride, her dress and her ring. That woman is crazy. That'd be like saying to her bm's - please flatten or remove your breasts - they're bigger than mine, lol.

jennandnickgetmarried

I read that before my friend's wedding and was horrified.

I'd consider it to spare the drama, but I think the guy who gave me the ring would feel a little slighted and upset that I'd even consider doing that.  It's what the ring stands for that matters.

If someone asked me to remove my ring so it didn't upstage hers, I'd probably consider her to be really superficial.  And then tell her to STFU.

Nobody would notice something like that on your wedding day, either.  They'd hopefully only be looking at yours.

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:0b56a367-f96d-4435-91c6-54df03143afd">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, I don't usually talk about how much my ring cost, <strong>but I will say that it's worth more than my car.</strong>  I'll take my ring off when the bride writes me a check for it's full appraised value.  Not even joking. 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

<div>So is mine.</div><div>
</div><div>But, then again I drive a by-one-get-one-free Kia Rio. Mine being the free one of course, so that's not saying much. </div><div>
</div><div>I still wouldn't do it. </div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:0b56a367-f96d-4435-91c6-54df03143afd">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, I don't usually talk about how much my ring cost, but I will say that it's worth more than my car.  I'll take my ring off when the bride writes me a check for it's full appraised value.  Not even joking. 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Yeah, so I could go buy ANOTHER piece of jewelry to wear at the wedding. You know what looks good with 3 inch heels and a BM dress? Diamonds and platinum. No way will I take off the most expensive piece of jewelry I own for a formal occassion! The only time I leave my ring at home is when I go to the gym.

salt78

Well I know that this was a huge fear for me. I made my bridesmaids remove all of their jewelry and wear bags on their heads. 

jennandnickgetmarried

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:27a21a7c-b14d-44fe-8ea4-badead20a9cd">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I know that this was a huge fear for me. I made my bridesmaids remove all of their jewelry and wear bags on their heads. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I get really mad when people are prettier than me, especially on MY day.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Ha, that's amazing. I wish I would have thought to do that.

KentuckyKate

I have been in this situation.  I was in a wedding 2 weeks after I got engaged, and the bride and I both had emerald cut diamonds, but mine was bigger.  She had another BM ask me at the hair salon that morning if I would take it off for the night.  I told the other BM to tell her absolutely not.  I am not carrying my brand new x thousand dollar ring in my purse (Yeah, I called out the price- but I was completely caught off guard and pissed at the time, especially because it was so new).  But that was the end of story, and it didn't come up again.

It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.  And I don't have friends that BSC either.  I am this girl's husband's best friend, so she had me as a bridesmaid as a nod to him.  That and because her mother had a coronary when it was suggested I stand on the groom's side.  Either way, this girl says the stupidest things all the time, so this was kind of par for the course with her.

banana468

So KentuckyKate, was she BSC or just really ignorant that her request was so offensive?

No way would I do this.  My rings come off when I shower and that's IT.   I even freaked out when I had a spa treatment and I had to lock up my rings.

KentuckyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:59083a3e-d1fa-4d1a-9fba-4bc99915b282">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]So KentuckyKate, was she BSC or just really ignorant that her request was so offensive? Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

To be blunt, the girl is dumb as a rock, so I am thinking ignorant.  She is actually pretty sweet, but I can hardly stand to be around her because of the dumb things the says and asks all the time.  I will sit there with her husband and debate politics and religion, and she will pipe in with, "Ok guys, let's not start World War 2 here!"...

Another time, I had just come back from Egypt for my brother's wedding, and she asked me if the pyramids were the same thing as Stonehenge.  When I told her no, she asked if they were manmade or natural.  Then she asked if Stonehenge and Mt. Rushmore were manmade or natural... it is painful, really.

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:b80086f8-de75-42a1-87b3-b3f7414c7275">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings : To be blunt, the girl is dumb as a rock, so I am thinking ignorant.  She is actually pretty sweet, but I can hardly stand to be around her because of the dumb things the says and asks all the time.  I will sit there with her husband and debate politics and religion, and she will pipe in with, "<strong>Ok guys, let's not start World War 2 here!"...</strong> Another time, I had just come back from Egypt for my brother's wedding, and she asked me if the pyramids were the same thing as Stonehenge.  When I told her no, she asked if they were manmade or natural.  Then she asked if Stonehenge and Mt. Rushmore were manmade or natural... it is painful, really.
Posted by KentuckyKate[/QUOTE]

BWAHAHAHA!

banana468

Ohhhh boy.

squirrly

Wait, Kate, how long ago was this wedding?  Because I attended one that sounds like it has a similar bride not long ago. . .

KentuckyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:b839fc48-9687-4e88-b05b-aed6c3e5ff7f">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, Kate, how long ago was this wedding?  Because I attended one that sounds like it has a similar bride not long ago. . .
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

It was September 2009.  And I am shocked and saddened that there could possibly be two recent brides in KY who could fit this description.

Mrs_AF

I'm making my maid of honor wear a burlap sack to my wedding.

JessAndTrav

I also would like to throw myself into the pool of people that don't have friends that are this crazy.

The size of people's e-rings wasn't even in my mind on the day of my wedding.

If for some crazy reason I was to get asked to do this, I'd probably give them a reality check.

And if they insisted, I'd probably say that I would turn it over, and then flip it back around when I walked in.

squirrly

Ok - not the same bride.  But yeah. . . I've got her WW2 twin in my cell phone. . .

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:00eab6cb-9282-4896-b763-f279dc30b579">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm making my maid of honor wear a burlap sack to my wedding.
Posted by Mrs_AF[/QUOTE]

I did this, too.

sarabellam

Geez Louise, and you guys all thought I was being a 'zilla when I forbade my BM's from wearing any makeup and made them wear flats.

mocha beans

WTF??  "Pick your battles"?  This is a battle you should back down on?  That's the worst piece of advice ever.  This is where bridezillas get their validation apparently.

[Deleted User]

I sneaked into all of my BM's houses and replaced their skim milk with whole milk and their "I can't believe it's not butter" with real butter. Those bitches better be fatter than me on May 8th!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I will say that FMIL was happy that FI hadn't done his proposal yet when we went to his cousin's wedding, because if I had worn my engagement ring to the wedding (as a guest) it would have taken attention away from the couple. Yeah, I'm sure the 190 people I had never met would totally have been fawning over me. *eyeroll*

lisarose7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-bridesmaids-remove-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86a9433c-a4d0-4bbf-b4f4-c2ec15d8dabfPost:0b56a367-f96d-4435-91c6-54df03143afd">Re: Asking bridesmaids to remove engagement rings</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, I don't usually talk about how much my ring cost, but I will say that it's worth more than my car.  I'll take my ring off when the bride writes me a check for it's full appraised value.  Not even joking. 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Mine's worth more than my car, too.  I bought the ring for $8 at Kohls (it's a CZ substitute until we get the real one)....I bought the car for $1 from my dad. :)