Help with bar issue

Swiftsong8

So let me start off by saying that every wedding I have been to in my adult life..lets say around 6..it has been a cash bar. The weddings have been of friends and family. I never ever have thought it was rude. Never questioned it what so ever. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not a big drinker or what.


My reception is just going to be a lunchoen with around 60 guests. I have a HUGE family and this is just immediate family and about 4 friends with their spouses. Just food and hanging out and some music in the background for about 3 hours. We are having a budget wedding. There is no way in heck that we can afford to have an open bar for all of these people.

The lunchoen will start at 1. So I know people aren't going to want to get smashed.

When I mention this to my family that are like "so have a cash bar, no biggie geeze." But when I have mentioned it to a few friends they give me such an awful look.

So what should we do? Maybe have a few signature drinks and only pay for those. Or have soda, juices, beer and wine? Or have a tab bar? For example give the bartender a set amount of money then when we get to that amount then the guests will have to pay for their own drinks. I hate that this is such an issue.

stacy&tige

I like having just soda, juice, beer and wine. That's enough for anyone who wants to have a drink. You could do cash for anything else above and beyond that. Maybe post something at the bar that says "Soda, Juice, Beer and Wine are hosted by the bride and groom."

apple_green

Definitely soda, juice, beer & wine.

Simply Fated

As pp's said, you could do a limited bar. Just do what you can afford without making your guests shell out any money for it. Easy as pie. (I really want pie right now, I've been craving it for the past 2 hours)

Lisa8888

I don't think cash bars are very common and I do find them to be rather rude. At a minimum I think you should serve beer and wine.

But I don't honestly understand why you would invite 60 people if you can't afford to provide food and drink to 60 people. Your guests are your guests and it is up to you to provide food and drink for them.

luckyme502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bar-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86ac55ba-9bc6-4f1f-aff1-6b6e59b5373cPost:e9671458-c8c4-40c0-be5a-b1892002422d">Re: Help with bar issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think cash bars are very common and I do find them to be rather rude. At a minimum I think you should serve beer and wine. But I don't honestly understand why you would invite 60 people if you can't afford to provide food and drink to 60 people. Your guests are your guests and it is up to you to provide food and drink for them.
Posted by Lisa8888[/QUOTE]

Yes, she needs to provide food and drink, but not alcohol.  Providing alcohol is not a requisite for being a good host. 

We are hosting beer and wine and soft drinks only.  Our venue only has a license to serve beer and wine, no hard alcohol. 

quotequeen

It's a lunch wedding, so most people probably won't expect a full bar.  Just host what you can afford.  Beer and wine is fine, but at that point in the day, even just a champagne punch and maybe one other option would be fine for alcohol.

[Deleted User]

I don't think at that hour people will expect a full bar, either. I definitely agree with staying on budget. We just provided soft drinks, coffee, tea and wine and everything else was cash bar. Beer was not that expensive, though. We never heard any complaints and cash bars are accepted in our circle of family and friends. I actually don't think I have even been to a wedding with an open bar bc all of my family & friends have been on budgets.

Knittibell

Soda juice beer and wine is FINE. House wine and domestic beer will keep your costs down and for a luncheon, it's more than generous!

banana468

Can you keep it to soda, beer, wine and maybe a signature cocktail?

Where in CT are you getting married?  I've never been to a CT wedding that wasn't completely open bar.  When I mentioned to my father that DH and I attended some weddings in MA and RI that had cash bars, he looked at me like I had eight heads and said, "How can you do that to your guests?"

That your friends are telling you that they don't love this may already be a sign - so try to figure out what you can host that is within the budget and offer no more.

Swiftsong8

Hmmm..thanks ladies for your advice. I thinnk we might do juice, sodas, beer, wine and a signature cocktail. I hope that will be good enough. Any ideas for a good cocktail? Something yummy that wont break the bank.
And is repsonse to Lisa-My FI and I have big families. The 60 people included just our immediate family and we are each inviting 2 friends with their spouses. I wish I could offer them a full bar but I just can't do it.
I hope I don't appear lame!!

rknox88

[QUOTE]Yes, she needs to provide food and drink, but not alcohol.  Providing alcohol is not a requisite for being a good host.  Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

This.

Lisa8888

" But when I have mentioned it to a few friends they give me such an awful look."

Seriously....why do you think they are giving you such an awful look?

How much would an open bar cost for your 60 guests? I can't imagine that it would cost that much at a restaurant in the afternoon.

mysticl

I've been to weddings where the bar only stocked beer and wine and I didn't notice any complaints.  Especiallay for a lunch reception.

Lisa, you would be amazed, the places I've looked at may change their food prices in the afternoon but not their bar prices. 

Lisa8888

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bar-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86ac55ba-9bc6-4f1f-aff1-6b6e59b5373cPost:7f153b1b-b3f0-4167-aefe-8e93cc0f7c92">Re: Help with bar issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to weddings where the bar only stocked beer and wine and I didn't notice any complaints.  Especiallay for a lunch reception. Lisa, you would be amazed, the places I've looked at may change their food prices in the afternoon but not their bar prices. 
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

I think serving wine and beer is a much better idea than a cash bar.

But a restaurant doesn't charge as much for an open bar compared to a regular wedding venue.  Even big wedding venues charge much less during the day vs at night. I honestly don't think it would cost that much more for an open bar for a couple of hours. I would be curious to hear from the OP how much more it would be.

Swiftsong8

Open bar would be an extra 13pp. That's $780! We are on a budget wedding so that price is absurd! I mean the meal itself is only $15.99 w/tax and gratuities. And appetizers are $3pp. Why should I pay $13 for 60 people and atleast 1/3 don't drink alchohol?

Lisa8888

And how much would it cost to serve wine and beer instead of an open bar?

damaless

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bar-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86ac55ba-9bc6-4f1f-aff1-6b6e59b5373cPost:f276bfc0-e9d6-414d-975b-2ce7ad7b792f">Re: Help with bar issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Open bar would be an extra 13pp. That's $780! We are on a budget wedding so that price is absurd! I mean the meal itself is only $15.99 w/tax and gratuities. And appetizers are $3pp. Why should I pay $13 for 60 people and atleast 1/3 don't drink alchohol?
Posted by Swiftsong8[/QUOTE]

<div>Could you not have it be consumption-based instead of a fixed price per person?  In your case it sounds like it will work out to be better for you.</div>

Swiftsong8

We were thinking comsumption based.
 Beer is 3 bucks a pop and I forgot how much the wine is and of course I cant find the paperwork!

hope1009

Can I just say that all the weddings I have been to are cash bar. This is exactly what we are doing to. Rude or not, since when is old fashioned etiquette really applicable today. We are bending the wire so much with every wedding, anything is acceptable.  Soda is of course on the house for our wedding, but the people we are inviting are very favorable of having a good time which is wonderful and they actually understand because this is how all the weddings have gone, cash bar. And our budget is really tiny.  I can tell you that I wasn't offended with the last weddings that I went to that I had to pay for my drink, why should the bride and groom have to pay for my beer? They have enough to pay for.

Knittibell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bar-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86ac55ba-9bc6-4f1f-aff1-6b6e59b5373cPost:5943a792-2849-48a9-a7e1-7a072b1ab2da">Re: Help with bar issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm..thanks ladies for your advice. I thinnk we might do juice, sodas, beer, wine and a signature cocktail. I hope that will be good enough. Any ideas for a good cocktail? Something yummy that wont break the bank. :) And is repsonse to Lisa-My FI and I have big families. The 60 people included just our immediate family and we are each inviting 2 friends with their spouses. I wish I could offer them a full bar but I just can't do it. I hope I don't appear lame!!
Posted by Swiftsong8[/QUOTE]

You will not appear lame in the slightest. This is perfectly fine and more than adequate!