Wording -- private ceremony/>>reception

misscait21

Hi! I need some advice! We are getting married in June. We are having a private ceremony (close family only), and a reception an hour later--all at a Bed & Breakfast. It will be a heavy Hor d'oeurve's (constant, all night so no one will go hungry--lots of food) & flowing cocktails of course... No traditional bridal dances, entrance, cake cutting.,,etc. Anyways--- I thought I would have an invitation that goes to everyone for the reception (noting on the bottom that a private ceremoy will be held pre-reception. To those close family members that will be invited to the ceremony--they will recieve that insert as well. My question is wording-- how do i word these seperate invitations? Also, how would I go about wording a save-the-date postcard? I don't want people to be confused. I am not worried about offending anyone with only inviting 1/4 of the people invited to the reception the ceremony--as everyone knows it is my second engagement, and we wanted it to be smaller and more intimate. Everyone we know, knows how we are and will just be happy to celebrate with us :-) Any help would be much appreciated as we are getting married and June & I am waaay behind-- I have nothing done. I want to get these taken care of ASAP! Thanks so much!

 

[Deleted User]

1. If you're getting married in June, I'd just skip the Save The Dates at this point. I'm getting married in June and mine have been out since October. The normal rule is 6-9 months, and you're already inside 6 months (most likely) right NOW, but you'll be way inside by the time you design them and send them out.

2. 1/4 of your guest list is invited to the ceremony? I feel like that's a large chunk, and it borders on a tiered reception. I'd need you to define "close ceremony only."

3. I wouldn't mention the ceremony on the invitations to those only invited to the reception. It would say something to the effect of "celebrate the marriage of blahblah at a reception held at blahblah." But CMGr will come along and help you with that wording, since that's what she does.

thurmanpowell

I don't think you need to really have wording on your STD. Ours just said:

Save the Date,
So and SO are getting married
invitation to follow


Then the date of the wedding.

strlzfan11

I think everything depends on your definition of close family and how many people are invited to the actual ceremony versus the reception.  In order for this to be etiquettely-acceptable, it needs to be immediate family only (parents, siblings, maybe grandparents); no friends, no aunts & uncles, etc.  You say you're not concerned about offending anyone, which is fine, but you need to be prepared that someone may actually be offended.

That being said, I'd skip STDs altogether.  You're already 6 months out.  Word your reception invitation as being invited to a celebration of the marriage of you & your FI with all of the pertinent information, but leave off the private ceremony information as it's rude to point out that they weren't actually invited that portion of the day.  Send the actual wedding invitations along with the reception information to the people invited to both parts of the day.

StephBeanWed61502

Will the guests who aren't invited to the ceremony be staying at the B&B too? Because I foresee that getting really awkward. That said, I don't think you need to send STDs at all, but if you do, I'd only send them to those invited to the ceremony. As for the invitations themselves, you would send a general invitation to the reception, with an insert for those invited to the ceremony. That said, unless the ceremony is immediate family only, it's generally considered rude and gift-grabby to invite people only to the reception - it's basically telling them they're not good enough to watch you get married, but good enough to show up after the wedding is over to give you a present.

misscait21

HI! Sorry I will clarify. 1/4 of the people just includes Parents/Step-Parents, Grandparents, & Siblings. Which is about 30 people. 

I will skip the save the dates. I wasn't sure about them. I wasnt sure, my cousin is getting married in May & I just got hers last week, so I didn't know if i was teetering on too late or not! 

Also, I didn't mean to sound crude when I said i wasn't worried about people being offended! I was engaged once before and planned a lavish huge event. It ended badly, so everyone knew this time if i didnt elope it would be a more casual affair.  Everyone that will be invited already knows we are having a private ceremony, most are friends or extended family that would rather just skip to the party anyways! 

I appreciate all the feedback! 

StephBeanWed61502

Sounds like your guest list for the ceremony is completely appropriate, and for an event that small you should be fine just spreading news about the date to your VIPs by word of mouth. Just make sure to send your invitations out at the eight- week mark, and your guests should have plenty of time to plan.

Kristin789

This exactly:
it's generally considered rude and gift-grabby to invite people only to the reception - it's basically telling them they're not good enough to watch you get married, but good enough to show up after the wedding is over to give you a present.

Oh, I know from your follow-up posts that you don't think so, that you think anyone invited to ONLY the reception will be just delighted to be included, so they'll run and get a big gift and bring it to this gift-collection party.

Think again.  I work with an older woman whose daughter got married in a small ceremony like yours, then planned a huge blowout dinner dance on one of the fancy dinner cruise ships that goes all throughout Tampa Bay.  They thought, as you do, that all their friends and co-workers and extended family would be delighted to run over to Tampa and go on this wonderful dinner cruise FOR FREE.

They planned for 75.  Only 25 showed up, and those were the same 25 who had attended the small wedding ceremony.

People really do NOT want to get an invitation to these gift-collection after-parties when they haven't been included din the reason for the celebration.

Avion22

I don't usually agree with Kristin, but in this case I do.  I probably wouldn't go to a "reception only" without being invited to the ceremony, and I certainly wouldn't travel for one.  It doesn't so much have to do with the gift part....I just figure that if I don't make the cut to see the ceremony, then I don't feel like the B&G really want me there at all.  I get wanting to have small weddings, and I completely understand not being invited to them (heck, I had a very small wedding myself once -- 13 people).   But I don't understand the desire to have a "private" ceremony and a big reception afterward.   If you want a small wedding, then keep the whole day small.  If you want to celebrate with 100 of your closest friends, then why wouldn't you want them to witness your vows?  It just doesn't make sense to me...

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-private-ceremonyfollowing-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86e339b4-b527-49c5-b576-0173498bb475Post:444ca913-6b59-496d-95ca-872e0121b9d0">Re:Wording private ceremony/gt;gt;reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company at a reception celebrating their marriage. Then list the date, time, location, etc.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>Then add a ceremony insert for the people who are invited to the ceremony. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I respect what Kristen is saying, however I don't feel the same way.   The OP is inviting people to a party.  That's it, just a party to celebrate her new marriage.   I generally don't get my panties all in a wad when people invite me to enjoy good food, beverages with family and friends.    Sure it would be nice to see them exchange vows, but it's not the be all end all for me.      </div><div>
</div><div>Gifts should never be expected and guests don't HAVE to bring one either.  I don't buy into the whole gift grab thing anyway.  Most couples are not going around saying "Let's spend $100 per head so we can get a $50 gift in return".  It's silly.  </div><div>
</div><div>FWIW - I have attended 2 such events.  Traveled via plane both times.  NBD to me.</div>

ftrmrsw

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-private-ceremonyfollowing-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86e339b4-b527-49c5-b576-0173498bb475Post:7260a3c3-3fc5-42df-a9bf-1e06660c883c">Re:Wording private ceremony/gt;gt;reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Wording private ceremony/gt;gt;reception : This. Then add a ceremony insert for the people who are invited to the ceremony.  I respect what Kristen is saying, however I don't feel the same way.   The OP is inviting people to a party.  That's it, just a party to celebrate her new marriage.   I generally don't get my panties all in a wade when people invite me to enjoy good food, beverages with family and friends.    Sure it would be nice to see them exchange vows, but it's not the be all end all for me.       Gifts should never be expected and guests don't HAVE to bring one either.  I don't buy into the whole gift grab thing anyway.  Most couples are not going around saying "Let's spend $100 per head so we can get a $50 gift in return".  It's silly.   FWIW - I have attended 2 such events.  Traveled via plane both times.  NBD to me.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm totally in the same mine set at Lyndausvi. This doesn't bother me at all.

</div>

AdeleDazeem

As someone who had a private ceremony (12 people) and an AHR in Philadelphia (125 people, many of which traveled.  A ton from Western NY, some from DC, Boston, NYC, Ohio, and Michigan), I think your larger reception will be just fine.