Officiant Issues

andamu

So a few months ago FI and I picked an officiant.  We referred to her by our venue coordinator, who hadn't seen her in action but who had spoken with her and agreed to refer customers to her.  We met her, liked her, and booked her.

Fast forward to this week.  I was speaking to my venue coordinator, and she asked me if I was using said officiant.  I said yes, and it turns out she is no longer welcome in the clubhouse where we are holding our reception (and, if it comes to that, it's also our alternate ceremony site).  Our coordinator said that she is permitted on premises to perform the ceremony outdoors, but it would be best if we don't extend any invitations to her to come inside for a drink or dinner.

Our venue is a private club, and our officiant held certain (paid) privileges at that club, but it seems like she was maybe taking advantages of privileges she was not entitled to, and when approached about it, she reacted in a way that was unpleasant enough to get her banned.

So.  Where do we go from here?  We can still have her perform the ceremony, but I'm not sure what to think.  What would you do?  Would you stick with the officiant we have or look for someone else?

opalsky007

I'd find someone else. Even if you don't end up needing to use the clubhouse, it sounds like your officiant's behavior has been unprofessional in some way. I wouldn't want to work with her.

ootmother2

I could be wrong but I think that it's up to your venue coordinator to find a new officiant for you.

They are the ones who referred you to her and they should come up with an alternative if she's not allowed inside.

FutureMrsFezz

I agree with Opal.  I'd find someone else.

LisaChris2011

Oy.  I would be very uncomfortable using her.  I know its just a vendor/customer relationship and we as consumers deal with questionoable vendors all the time and still give them our money (i.e. as long as they're doing the job right who cares what they do) but for some reason, its a little different with the officiant in my opinion.  I mean, she is marrying you guys.  Do you even have the time to look for another officiant?  Try projectwedding or weddingwire for recommendations from "real brides."

andamu

Luckily, we didn't pay a deposit yet.  It was sitting in FI's desk drawer to mail this week and he forgot.  I'm not really superstitious, but I kind of consider that a sign.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8706105a-3234-4092-b90e-9f2d1fcfd0baPost:841fe09d-e414-4398-ac6a-24615343fc7a">Re: Officiant Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I could be wrong but I think that it's up to your venue coordinator to find a new officiant for you. They are the ones who referred you to her and they should come up with an alternative if she's not allowed inside.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

I agree completely!  If the vendor referred her and the vendor also asked if you were in fact using her and the vendor proceeded to tell you that the officiant was no longer welcome inside........then the vendor should find you another.

I would def look into another officiant.  This person is marrying you and presiding over your vows to one another............a very important moment in your life, one of THE most important actually...so you dont want someone that has obviously had some sort of negative run-in with the venue to handle this. 

I think you will ultimately feel more comfortable once you do...scratch that, once your vendor finds someone new ;)

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8706105a-3234-4092-b90e-9f2d1fcfd0baPost:59b1ba70-1b82-4d65-95e9-385d2e306f9b">Re: Officiant Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Luckily, we didn't pay a deposit yet.  It was sitting in FI's desk drawer to mail this week and he forgot.  I'm not really superstitious, but I kind of consider that a sign.
Posted by andamu[/QUOTE]

YES!!!  I believe in signs too......not all crazy like "Fools Rush In " kinds of signs, but still.

kgorman307

If your venue recommended that gem, I may consider using another avenue to find your new officiant. But, especially since you haven't put down a deposit, find a new officiant.

These days, it's pretty hard to get yourself banned somewhere, even at a private club. I would be very wary of using that officiant.

jessicabessica

I have no idea what it takes to get banned from a private club, so I don't really know what that says about her.  I would look for a new officiant, but since the venue referred her to you, I would inform the venue coordinator politely but firmly that you will not be ruling her out until you find a new officiant.  Does your contract with your venue allow them to restrict your guest list?  I doubt it.  It would probably be best to avoid the added stress of worrying about potential issues with the officiant, but better than having no officiant.  

andamu

Thanks everyone, you confirmed what I was thinking - that it's a major red flag.

I emailed someone else, and he's already responded that he's available, so it looks like things are going to be ok.  (If all else fails, we can be married in FL by a notary public, and we actually work with one, so we have a fallback.)

sarah0725

Another fallback is the Universal Life Church - make your own minister!

(I'm starting to feel like their prophet or something.)

mica178

Andamu -- I'm glad you're already in contact with another officiant.  Otherwise, I would suggest that you look into the ULC as Sarah mentioned.