Would it be appropriate?

Sparkles03

Would it be appropriate to have a formal wedding on a Saturday with only immediate family, say 25-35 guests? Then invite other family and friends to a marriage celebration that Sunday for a casual affair, probably a BBQ? We would approximately want to invite 200-300 guests.

nda_roxybabe

Why not do it on the same day? Have a small, intimate ceremony then a larger reception.
May I ask your reason for this?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You CAN pull it off, but I can't say I understand why you'd want to. Also, some people might be hurt by not seeing your actual marriage vows.

quotequeen

I think you will lose guests who don't understand why, if you want to celebrate with so many people, they weren't good enough to actually see you get married.  I know I would be much less likely to travel for this than if I were invited to the whole thing, though I would probably go if it was local.

samurai21

It would be ok, but be prepared for a potentiallower turnout at the Sunday BBQ. If I weren't super close with you, I don'tk know if I'd go.It sounds bad, but I would go if I was invited to the whole shebang, but just lunch on Sunday, maybe not.

kikibaby

I think it's kind of rude, because it sounds like "Well, these people are important enough to warrant a fancy evening, while the rest of you are only important enough to warrant a BBQ."  Also, I would think you just wanted a gift from me if you invited 300 people to a BBQ but not to the ceremony.

Is this a money saving technique?  Because it's the reception/food that costs the most, so I don't see you saving much this way.  If it's just because you want an intimate wedding, then just have the intimate wedding.  You can't always have it all.

LP11509

Would you also have a formal reception for your family after the ceremony on Saturday?  If so, I think some guests may feel slighted for not being invited to that as well. 

But I agree with Roxy...why not do both on the same day?  I don't see anything wrong with a smaller ceremony and larger, casual  BBQ as a reception after. I would just avoid having 2 receptions, if that's what you had in mind.

lauralaur

We were invited to something similar by friends of ours. They had a very, very intimate wedding with a reception (guest list was 25) in New York on a Sunday. The following weekend they had a big BBQ here in CT and invited everyone and their mother because they just wanted to celebrate with everyone sooooooo bad. We had another wedding to attend the day of the BBQ, so we couldn't go, if we had been able to attend, we would've gone, but I would've grumbled about it. If you wanted to celebrate with me just sooooo much and you reeaaalllly wanted me to come to the BBQ because it was important to celebrate with everyone, then why not invite me to the actual wedding? Long story short it rubs me the wrong way and I am not so much of a fan.

And ditto others, I personally would be less likely to travel for a reception than I would if I was invited to the whole thing.

Sparkles03

I want to have a more intimate small wedding because I’m a bit shy and don’t really want a lot of extra attention on me the actual day of the wedding.  On the other hand, my FI wants to have a big wedding and I also don’t want to leave out our near and dear friends; so, I was thinking maybe we could get away with doing the two events separately. Besides having an extra day of activities would have allowed us to spend more time with our guests. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings though.  Thanks for your insight ladies. Chances are I’ll just suck it up and try to get over the anxiety. haha

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-appropriate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:882886d4-f606-4bab-b8e9-13ce4b2d6356Post:2ac7f480-678c-4475-a225-dd9f1e597d4c">Re: Would it be appropriate?</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to have a more intimate small wedding because I’m a bit shy and don’t really want a lot of extra attention on me the actual day of the wedding.  On the other hand, my FI wants to have a big wedding and I also don’t want to leave out our near and dear friends; so, I was thinking maybe we could get away with doing the two events separately. Besides having an extra day of activities would have allowed us to spend more time with our guests. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings though.   Thanks for your insight ladies. Chances are I’ll just suck it up and try to get over the anxiety. haha
Posted by Sparkles03[/QUOTE]
I think its fine to have an intimate ceremony (just keep it really small, under 20 people. Immediate family only maybe). If you do that though I would definitely have the reception the same day for everyone.

Goldlie11

It reminds me of this:

http://www.intimateweddings.com/blog/real-weddings-jennifer-scotts-glass-studio-wedding-reception/

I am confused when you say formal wedding.  What exactly were you planning to do for the reception on your wedding day? 

unplainjane

i think it's totally fine to do an intimate ceremony. but the big reception should be on the same day. i think it's weird to have two receptions the way your described. you said you are shy but you would still get the extra attention during the big reception so you're not really avoiding anything by having 2 receptions. if the vision of your wedding is different from you FI you guys should discuss it. it's your wedding and you should feel happy and comfortable with it.

Sparkles03

I didn’t mean that I was planning on having 2 receptions. I just meant having an immediate family only ceremony and then have a more casual and relaxed reception the next day.  The ceremony is more intimidating to me since I’m clumsy and have a long walk. We will be writing our own vows and since we are both very nervous public speakers, the less crowed the better. Besides getting to share special moment with the member’s of our immediate family, would be a significant memory for years to come.

 

The reception part is easier since we both know how to party and all eyes wouldn’t be on us during the "most" intimate parts. I have no problem doing both events the same day. It’s just that we were thinking about an evening wedding ceremony and I wasn’t sure if a casual BBQ would be appropriate for an evening reception. BTW my FI and I have no problem communicating, hence why we’re trying to find a middle point. :-) After all it is his wedding too!

danieliza1127

I would just do it all on the same day.  Have an intimate ceremony with immediate family only, then a BBQ reception afterward on the same day.  A casual BBQ reception is fine for evening too, I know we have cook-outs in the evening all the time.  I just think it would make more sense to do it all on the same day.

squirrly

I really hate the small ceremony/big reception thing.  If, during the ceremony, you're more worried about people looking at you than you are focused on your groom, that's an issue.  FFS, a BUS drove up behind my H during the ceremony and I didn't care. 

A friend of mine had an early AM wedding earlier this year just for family, and then a larger brunch reception for family and friends too.  It was very, very awkward and frustrating.  I was there to celebrate something I didn't see happen. 

temerityjane

I totally get where you're coming from with the shy thing. I would rather have a very small ceremony if it was possible to do it that way for us, but it isn't. I think it's fine if you limit the ceremony to immediate family only. I also don't think you need to have the BBQ on the same day - I don't see why you would feel the need to, really. As long as it's very clear that the ceremony was very limited to JUST family, it should be totally fine.