Wedding Etiquette Forum

Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!

One of my bridesmaids has a large tattoo. I know better than to ask her to cover it, but my mother is insisting it will ruin my pictures. (both of my parents are very anti-tattoo and it is really big.) 

I've told Mom that I don't care, and I've pointed out that I could easily photoshop it out (for her copies only.)  but she wants me to at least say something. Is there any possible way to make that not offensive? I seriously doubt there is, but I told mom I'd try. 

Can I tell her that I love her and her silly tats, but my mother would like her to consider a wrap or something? 

Alternately, what is a polite way to tell my mother that there is no polite way to do this? 

I will accept answers to either question. 
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Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!

  • Where is the tattoo? I would be bothered by it too, to be quite honest. I think tattoos are super tacky and look really trashy and wouldn't want that look in my pictures BUT there is no nice way of saying it. You already asked her, so just suck it up. It's not like people are going to be looking at the pictures to see her though, they are looking to see you, so don't sweat it too much. 
  • I vote don't say a word to your friend and work on your mom. She'll eventually get used to it. If she brings it up, tell your mom you are fine with the tattoo, you want your friend standing with you just as she is, and the discussion is closed. If she brings it up again after that, I'd do a "I thought we already decided the tattoo was fine. How's that dip?"
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  • If you love her, you love her tats included.  I would tell my mom to bite me but that's just how I roll.  You have to tell your mother, sorry, but if you want the tat photoshopped out, have at it but she is my friend and I love her BECAUSE of who she is not IN SPITE of it. 

    You might want to add bite me, just in case.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:df243cb2-3300-49f3-bcce-cb4ce07864a2">Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids has a large tattoo. I know better than to ask her to cover it, but my mother is insisting it will ruin my pictures. (both of my parents are very anti-tattoo and it is really big.)  I've told Mom that I don't care, and I've pointed out that I could easily photoshop it out (for her copies only.)  but she wants me to at least say something. Is there any possible way to make that not offensive? I seriously doubt there is, but I told mom I'd try.  Can I tell her that I love her and her silly tats, but my mother would like her to consider a wrap or something?  Alternately, what is a polite way to tell my mother that there is no polite way to do this?  I will accept answers to either question. 
    Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]

    Just let her know that, considering it's your friend, if you're not worried about it, your mother shouldn't be either.  Then refuse to continue discussing it with her.  Bean dip continually if necessary.
  • Be nice, but firm with your Mom. Tell her that you are not asking her to cover it up in any way. Tell your Mom she can talk with your photographer and make sure he/she edits the tattoo out of the photos that your Mom receives.
  • I agree with LowerEastSide.....these are your pictures and in 20 years are you going to be happy with the fact that your friend had a large tattoo showing in your pictures. They are tacky and yes they are a way to show personality, but is YOUR wedding where you want your friend showing her personality, or do you want the focus to be on YOU and your FI.
    I think your mom may be right, find a nice kind tactful way to aske your friend to cover it.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:0119c29f-d4b1-472b-9b96-992fc2f8b1e6">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with LowerEastSide.....these are your pictures and in 20 years are you going to be happy with the fact that your friend had a large tattoo showing in your pictures. They are tacky and yes they are a way to show personality, but is YOUR wedding where you want your friend showing her personality, or do you want the focus to be on YOU and your FI. I think your mom may be right, find a nice kind tactful way to aske your friend to cover it.
    Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]

    <div>That is such a cop out. So I can demand that my BMs dye their hair because its MY day and the focus should be on ME? I mean one of my BM has blonde hair and it shows her personality but really, I am an AW and I want all eyes on me. </div><div>
    </div><div>OP, you know its bsc to demand that she covers up her tattoos. Go with that gut feeling. Tell your mom to get over herself.</div>
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  • Hahahah who the hell are these people (lower east side & mary susan)?? Get a grip.

    Unless the tattoo is on her face, I dont see how it could possibly impact your pictures so much that they ruin them forever. The percentage of pictures it will probably show in will be so small you probably wont even notice. Tell your mom that if there are any pictures where it does show, that she just doesnt have to look at those photos! There, easy solution!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:efe458dd-3949-406c-bc0b-6303117e3709">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where is the tattoo? I would be bothered by it too, to be quite honest. I think tattoos are super tacky and look really trashy and wouldn't want that look in my pictures BUT there is no nice way of saying it. You already asked her, so just suck it up. It's not like people are going to be looking at the pictures to see her though, they are looking to see you, so don't sweat it too much. 
    Posted by LowerEastSiiide[/QUOTE]

    Wow...way to generalize all tattoos as being tacky.

    OP - you love your friend, you lover her tattoos. You know you can't ask her to cover them up. I don't think you your mother will look back in 20 years and be all ZOMG!! my DD's wedding pics are ruined because of BMs tattoo.

    I agree to either have them all wear wraps for some pictures for your mom, or just tell your mom she has to get over it. It is not a reasonable reques to ask a BM to hide something about herself for anyone "vision" of their wedding day.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:fad5537f-ade5-4cf8-b139-b5b14c6430f8">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Hahahah who the hell are these people (lower east side & mary susan)?? Get a grip.</strong> Unless the tattoo is on her face, I dont see how it could possibly impact your pictures so much that they ruin them forever. The percentage of pictures it will probably show in will be so small you probably wont even notice. Tell your mom that if there are any pictures where it does show, that she just doesnt have to look at those photos! There, easy solution!
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]<div>
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  • salt78salt78 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:efe458dd-3949-406c-bc0b-6303117e3709">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where is the tattoo? I would be bothered by it too, to be quite honest. I think tattoos are super tacky and look really trashy and wouldn't want that look in my pictures BUT there is no nice way of saying it. 
    Posted by LowerEastSiiide[/QUOTE]

    <div>In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:0119c29f-d4b1-472b-9b96-992fc2f8b1e6">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with LowerEastSide.....these are your pictures and in 20 years are you going to be happy with the fact that your friend had a large tattoo showing in your pictures. They are tacky and yes they are a way to show personality, but is YOUR wedding where you want your friend showing her personality, or do you want the focus to be on YOU and your FI. I think your mom may be right, find a nice kind tactful way to aske your friend to cover it.
    Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>You're tacky. This is me giving both of you the finger. </div><div>
    </div><div>OP - Your mom needs to get over herself. There is no polite way to tell someone to cover their tattoo. It probably means something to her. As someone with visible tattoos, if my friend asked me to cover mine for a wedding, I'd be insulted. </div></div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:df243cb2-3300-49f3-bcce-cb4ce07864a2">Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I tell her that I love her and her silly tats, but my mother would like her to consider a wrap or something? <strong>I wouldn't
    </strong>Alternately, what is a polite way to tell my mother that there is no polite way to do this? <strong>I would say something along the lines of , "there's no polite way for me to tell her this.  I love my friends the way they are.  She made the decision to get a tattoo, and I made the decision to have her in my bridal party."</strong>
    [/QUOTE]

    Unless it's a largely offensive tattoo, I don't see reason to hide it.
  • LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:3616d140-eaad-4ce3-8f39-19842f41e650">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror! : Unless it's a largely offensive tattoo, I don't see reason to hide it.
    Posted by tiffbot1985[/QUOTE]


    agreed - I mean, a swastika or naked lady or something gross, I'd probably ask for that to be hidden...simply because those could be considered offensive and I'd figure that your friend would understand, if not offer to hide it.

    I had a friend who got married and her SIL had a racially offensive tattoo put on her back when she was 18 - my friend married a black guy. SIL offered to wear a dress that would cover it up.

    but I doubt that is the issue at hand here. Tell your mom to shove it cause there's no polite way to tell someone that a part of them isn't accepted in your wedding.

    I'm probably going to get reamed for saying that there are exceptions to the "but your tattoos are awesome because they're a part of you!" rule...but I do think there are exceptions.

    ETA: I should probably add that this SIL washer brother's wife lol. Not the black fella she married's sister =)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:0119c29f-d4b1-472b-9b96-992fc2f8b1e6">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with LowerEastSide.....these are your pictures and in 20 years are you going to be happy with the fact that your friend had a large tattoo showing in your pictures. They are tacky and yes they are a way to show personality, but is YOUR wedding where you want your friend showing her personality, or do you want the focus to be on YOU and your FI. I think your mom may be right, find a nice kind tactful way to aske your friend to cover it.
    Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]

    And if any of your BMs has bigger boobs than you, it's perfectly acceptable for you to demand that they have a breast reduction before YOUR wedding. After all, you want the focus to be on YOU and your FI, not their cans.
  • If you're going to ask a BM to wear a wrap or a shawl, it needs to be all the BMs who are asked to do so. 

    One of my BMs has a large, noticeable birthmark (bigger than most tattoos) on her elbow.  I wouldn't in a million years ask her to cover it.  It's visible in some of our photos, but it's not distracting or inappropriate in any way.  Feel free to look through the pro pics in my married bio and see if you can spot it.  You're welcome to share the URL with your mom and let her have a look too.  It's not a tattoo, but it's as noticeable as one, for sure. 

    Also, keep in mind the way photographers set up photos.  They'll focus on you and your FI, primarily, and then mostly faces.  Tattoos on other people won't be highlighted in the frame. 

    Talk with your mom.  Let her her know you've thought about her concerns, looked for photo examples, and you aren't concerned with the issue.  And give your photog a call to see if s/he can photoshop your mom's pics, should the need arise.  If you can get her past this for now, it's likely she'll forget to worry about it in favor of other newer things that "need" her attention. 
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  • That pic is from my brother's wedding.

    So is this one:





    My SIL now hates the girl with the tattoo and gets so mad when she sees that first pic - but in SIL's defense, Tattoo girl got that tattoo 3 weeks before the wedding.

    It doesn't ruin the pics, but I definitely see it and my SIL doesn't have any pics of her wedding up that have the tattoo showing. It was an easy fix though because we just turned her the other way for the pro pics. 

    Not sure where the tat is on your BM, but it's possible that it could be hidden in pics.

  • Don't listen to any of these meanie.  They obviously don't have the basic common sense that LowerEastSiide and Mary Susan are allowing to shine through in their posts.  I say you tie the heifer down and take an electric sander to her tat.  That'll teach her to ruin your day. 

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  • My parents are paying for the wedding and the pictures. If they asked for a tattoo not to show in the pictures they are paying for I would have to agree. My mom and dad both asked for no strapless dresses since we are getting married in the church so I agreed since they are paying. So my thinking wheter you all think I am crazy or not, maybe your mom needs to be listened to, on this particular issue.
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  • Y I OughtaY I Oughta member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2010
    Ihave a lot of tattoos, as does my sister, entire back pieces on both on us, and we are both wearing strapless dresses for my wedding. If someone asked me to cover it to wear the dress they picked for their wedding I would kindly BOW OUT because that is offensive. The tattoo was there when you asked her to be a Bm. It's not going anywhere. Like PPs said. The focus won't be on this girls tattoo, it will be on you and your FI. I doubt your mom will be displaying pictures of this girl with her tattoo being noticable in her home so it really isn't a big deal. 

    Whether your mom is paying for the pictures or not, you can't change who your friends are, not even for this. Tell your mom it can be edited out if it bothers her.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:eccfef38-d561-40ab-80fa-378d64e80751">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]That pic is from my brother's wedding. So is this one: My SIL now hates the girl with the tattoo and gets so mad when she sees that first pic - but in SIL's defense, Tattoo girl got that tattoo 3 weeks before the wedding. It doesn't ruin the pics, but I definitely see it and my SIL doesn't have any pics of her wedding up that have the tattoo showing. It was an easy fix though because we just turned her the other way for the pro pics.  Not sure where the tat is on your BM, but it's possible that it could be hidden in pics.
    Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

    I didn't even notice the tattoo until after I read your post and then had to look at the pictures again.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:696257ed-0eaa-45ff-a07d-b6e5b648302e">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents are paying for the wedding and the pictures. If they asked for a tattoo not to show in the pictures they are paying for I would have to agree. My mom and dad both asked for no strapless dresses since we are getting married in the church so I agreed since they are paying. So my thinking wheter you all think I am crazy or not, maybe your mom needs to be listened to, on this particular issue.
    Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, but you know...you could pay for the pictures yourself if you cared about your friends' feelings. My mother offered to pay for my wedding in the beginning, but then informed me that she didn't want me having a guy stand on my side because it would ruin the photos. (Yeah...I don't know.) And she said she wouldn't pay for anything if I had a guy stand on my side. </div><div>
    </div><div>So guess what I did?</div><div>
    </div><div>I told her to keep her money.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:696257ed-0eaa-45ff-a07d-b6e5b648302e">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents are paying for the wedding and the pictures. If they asked for a tattoo not to show in the pictures they are paying for I would have to agree. My mom and dad both asked for no strapless dresses since we are getting married in the church so I agreed since they are paying. So my thinking wheter you all think I am crazy or not, maybe your mom needs to be listened to, on this particular issue.
    Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]

    They can dictate what you have showing, and the type of dress your BM's wear if they are paying, but they can't make your bridesmaids alter their body or appearance in general.
    Anniversary
  • To me, asking a person to cover up their tattoo is the equivalent to saying "Hey can you wear a bag on your head? You're kind of fug."

    When people get tattoos, it becomes part of them. They wouldn't get them otherwise.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:696257ed-0eaa-45ff-a07d-b6e5b648302e">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents are paying for the wedding and the pictures. If they asked for a tattoo not to show in the pictures they are paying for I would have to agree. My mom and dad both asked for no strapless dresses since we are getting married in the church so I agreed since they are paying. So my thinking wheter you all think I am crazy or not, maybe your mom needs to be listened to, on this particular issue.
    Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]

    <div>I got married in a Catholic church and I and a few of my BM's wore strapless dresses.  I guess I should call and find out if my marriage is valid.  </div><div>
    </div><div>As Salt said, money comes with strings.  If my parents started making all these demands for my wedding, like what my BM's could wear and what could be showing, I would tell them no, or decline the money.  </div><div>
    </div><div>OP, asking your BM to cover her tattoos is rude and mean.  That's saying you're good enough to stand next to me but only if you alter yourself.  If she had red hair and you wanted red dresses would you ask her to dye her hair?  Would you ask her to cover a birthmark as squirrly said?  If you want them to wear shawls then ask all of them to wear one.  Or you can find dresses that aren't showing of the tats.  But seriously, you can't ask her specifically to cover them.  </div>
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  • You two are ridiculous, that's all I've got. What if it was a natural occurrance? A large birthmark or a scar? Would you want that covered up because god forbid the pictures got ruined?

    I have tattoos. as did a couple of my bridesmaids. I looked just fine in all my wedding pictures and *GASP* you can't even see any of them and in one photo where you can, well there were five thousand more to choose from.

    And as for the mothers paying thing, that applies to YOU and your wedding choices, not the physical attributes of your wedding party. That's beyond insane.
    image
  • If parents are paying and want to decree a specific type of dress, they need to pay for the dress.  If they want the tattoos covered, whatever the solution is needs to apply to all BMs, whether they have visible tattoos or not.  If you had a BM with a massive scar, would they request she cover it?  If you had one missing a limb, would they request that be covered?  Hopefully not.  It's a part of their body that they can't remove.  Thus, since they're requesting it be covered to achieve uniformity, they need to be uniform in their requests of the BMs.  Singling one out will end up making it just as obvious as had they done nothing. 
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  • OP, I agree that you should not say anything to your bridesmaid.

    J's sister (who is a BM) is covered in tattoos.  Do I love them? No.  Do I love HER?  Yes.  When J asked if I wanted her to cover them up for the wedding I said "If she chooses to cover them on her own, then fine.  But I am not going to say anything to her, and neither are you.  It is disrespectful and rude to ask her"

    Like PPs said, people aren't going to focus on a BMs tattoo(s).  They are going to focus on the bride and groom.
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  • <div>In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:efe458dd-3949-406c-bc0b-6303117e3709">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Where is the tattoo?</strong> 
    Posted by LowerEastSiiide[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>It is a large tat covering her entire shoulder, part of her back and her neck. It's only an outline because she found out she was pregnant and didn't ever get it filled in. Her mom hates it and I'm not a fan of it personally, but I'm also not concerned that it will ruin my wedding. </div><div>
    </div><div>Was bugs me is that while, yes, this girl has a big tattoo, Mom isn't asking me to ask my MOH to cover her tats also. </div><div>
    </div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tattooed-bridesmaid-oh-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8863f0ae-a616-49ec-9def-6f38eb6bf3fbPost:a3ebcd6a-1c35-4dc4-a2c3-fd715cf05d2d">Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tattooed bridesmaid?! Oh the horror! : And if any of your BMs has bigger boobs than you, it's perfectly acceptable for you to demand that they have a breast reduction before YOUR wedding. After all, you want the focus to be on YOU and your FI, not their cans.
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well she's at least 3 cup sizes bigger...and I have another bridesmaid that's like, a triple H. I will get on asking them to please make their breasts smaller ASAP. </div><div>
    </div><div>What? Major surgery? But it's MY DAY!!!!!! ::sob::</div>
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  • zitiqueenBirdie1483  - HIlarious posts - loved them LOL

    Now....onto the matter at hand.  As said by another knottie, unless the tattoo is offensive or vulgar, then there should be no reason to have her cover it. 

    If anyone, your mother included, is focusing on your friend's tattoo and not YOU....then they need to re-evalute their priorities.  Your day and your pictures will not be ruined by a tattoo...come on...think about how silly that sounds.
  • "Mom, I know what you mean about that tattoo - I don't love it either. But it's as much a part of my friend as her hair color, her weight, or anything, and you raised me well enough that I know you'd slap me to my senses if I started being a bridezilla and demanding that a friend lose weight or cut her hair for my wedding, right? Asking her to cover her tattoo's in the same boat. Besides, no one's going to look at her - I'm the one in the pretty white dress, FI will be lucky if anyone stops looking at me long enough to even look at him!"

    That's what I'd do.
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