Whats involved in getting a pastor at church to marry us....

Kate0558

I know who I want to marry us... i just dont know him personally. We haven't been going to church half as often as I'd like. So I've been going off and on to this one church by us  and I know I want the pastor to marry us I just don't know him personally. Do I like start going every week and introduce myself before asking him... Also how early do I need to ask him? Do they require you to become a member or anything? And is it wrong to ask him to drive a few hours to perform the ceremony?

NcsuPsych

It really depends on what church.
The Baptist church that we had been attending did require you to become a member before you could use the actual church for the wedding. We didn't know if we wanted to be members there or not yet, so we had our ceremony and reception at the venue we choose.

If you haven't actually met with this pastor yet, I would go introduce yourself, possibly with your FI and let him know that you've been attending and like his style (or whatever it is you like about him). Then I would just go ahead and ask if he marries people and if he does, would he consider marrying you guys. The worse that'll happen is he'll say no (we were told 'no' because we were living together prior to marriage). Not all pastors are like that though.

He may also request you do pre-marital counseling with him, which I highly recommend because the topics usually get you talking about things you may have not considered yet in your relationship (like 'what if one person loses a job, how will you cope?' or 'what if you can't have kids, what would you do?')

As far as when to ask. . .if you dont ask when you introduce yourself, that's fine. You've got plenty of time and things may change too in the meantime (maybe you find someone else you like more). However, I wouldn't wait until you get too close to your wedding date, because A) he may already have another wedding he could say 'no' and then you have to scramble to find someone else.

Personally, I dont think it would hurt to ask now, but that's just me. I like to get things out of the way and have ease of mind about stuff like that.

Good luck!!

pirategal03

Give him a call, or stop by sometime and say "Hey, FI and I are planning to get married on X date at this location.  We've been attending church here recently, and really feel like we've connected with your teachings (or whatever).  Would you be available to perform the ceremony?" 

As far as becoming a member, or whatnot, that'll depend on the type of church or specific church, so that's a question for him.  I'd try to give as much notice as you can, especially if he'd have to travel.  If you're having an evening wedding many hours away from his home church, and he'd have to drive back and give the sermon first thing the next morning, he may need time to consider his plan. 

Kate0558

Its a non-denominational church which i've always thought to be accepting so I would hope he wouldn't judge us for living together first but i guess you never know.  I don't mind doing pre-marital counseling... I just hope the FH will actually get on board. (you know men - you say the word counseling and they run and hide) lol. We've been together for almost 3 1/2 years so we've been through a lot already... including the unemployed thing.

Knottie1442677185

Call his office and make an appointment to meet him...make sure to bring your fiance!  That is usually the easiest way to get a decent amount of time to actually SPEAK to a pastor, they are so busy on Sunday mornings.