what would you do? sticky situation

shanny70

I worked in my office (medical) for almost 2yrs (since 7-09), very small office with 7 employees.  When i got engaged 6 months ago we decided it would be small with close friends /family.  My FI didnt feel it was necessary to invite coworkers, I said there was no way I couldnt, since such a small office & I really did want them there.  So fast forward, im 5 1/2 months into this, my boss has cut my hours IN HALF!! so Instead of getting paid 32 hrs a week, I will be lucky to have 18!  This is putting a reall crunch on budget, my spirits, everything!  FI is protective of me & said no need to invite him.  I know it wasnt personal, work is very slow, but I am the only one cut b/c of lack of work, eventually everyone will suffer, but Im the newbie.  Do I still need to invite the staff ? Im only somewhat close to 2 other women in the office.  Or can I gracifully say that because of what has happened we will be shortening our guest list.  Im upset, but honestly I dont even know if I want my boss ...what should I do.

mica178

Did you send STDs or give verbal invitations to these coworkers?

redheadfsu

If they think you will invite them because of something you said or did, then yes.

LuluP82

If you've already invited them (meaning, you told them they were invited verbally; asked them for addresses to invite them; sent them save the dates; or told them to save the date for your wedding; or of course, sent them an invite) then yes, you have to invite them.

If you had just decided you were going to invite them, but haven't given them any indication you are going to do so, then no.

Marrin713

Business is business, hon.  I don't think your boss did it maliciously.  I'm also in the medical field.  Our hours have been cut - not as drastically as yours, but I can see the day when that'll happen as well.  And I know it's just survival on my doc's part.

I'd invite them esp if you have sent STD or verbally invited them already.  If you are really cutting your guest list and not just using that as an excuse to disinvite your co-workers, then maybe you can tell them that and they'll understand.  But it's not a good idea nor proper etiquette.

shanny70

Verbally, I never said they were invited, I think its pretty well assumed tho

libbyloutoo

If you've never indicated that they were invited then you don't have to invite them.

I'd just make a comment to them about how the cut hours really hurt your budget and your wedding is going to be a lot smaller than originally anticipated

achiduck

As long as you never said "oh, I'm planning on doing XYZ at the reception, you'll see what I mean" or asked for their address for the invitation, or sent a STD or said anything else that would imply they're invited then you're ok.

As a PP said, business is business and I'm sure it wasn't personal. The company I've worked for for the last 2 years had recently gone through tough times and some people were temporarily laid off. My boss did warn me that I could be included in that, but fortunately things turned around and I never lost any hours. 

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89637fb8-9542-4359-8812-c1c3a09787b9Post:b9b46278-5329-43d5-a7cc-4e68d28e9bec">Re: what would you do? sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Verbally, I never said they were invited, I think its pretty well assumed tho
Posted by shanny70[/QUOTE]

Why do you thing they assume they are invited? Most people do not assume they are invited. If you said "oh, we are doing X, will you enjoy that?" or anything else where <strong>you </strong>told them something where it was clear you meant they were invited, then you need to invite them (even if you didn't say "you are invited").

If you don't mention the wedding & they are just assuming because you are close with them, then do you not have to invite them

This is because you can never un-invited someone. But, you need to look back and see if you made them feel they were invited.

noodle_oo

I think if you never said anything to imply they were invited, then yes, you can not invite them.

However, it sounds more like you don't want to invite them as punishment for them cutting your hours.  As PP said, while it sucks, it is business, not personal.  If you are the newest hire, then it is fairest for them to cut your hours first (although it would be nicer to cut equally among everyone, but we can't presume to know what the financial situation is or how these decisions are made).  I can tell you it is probably not personal. 

Anyway, I'm just saying it is fine to do it if you haven't discussed the wedding with them.  But maybe you need to think about your attitude about it.  If you are this spiteful towards them, they may pick up on it and a bad attitude is a sure way to ensure if they have to let someone go, it will be you.

LisaChris2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89637fb8-9542-4359-8812-c1c3a09787b9Post:d2c88332-048e-4153-974e-7bda2b50fb11">what would you do? sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I worked in my office (medical) for almost 2yrs (since 7-09), very small office with 7 employees.  When i got engaged 6 months ago we decided it would be small with close friends /family.  My FI didnt feel it was necessary to invite coworkers,<strong> I said there was no way I couldnt, since such a small office & I really did want them there.</strong>  So fast forward, im 5 1/2 months into this, my boss has cut my hours IN HALF!! so Instead of getting paid 32 hrs a week, I will be lucky to have 18!  This is putting a reall crunch on budget, my spirits, everything!  FI is protective of me & said no need to invite him.  I know it wasnt personal, work is very slow, but I am the only one cut b/c of lack of work, eventually everyone will suffer, but Im the newbie.  Do I still need to invite the staff ?<strong> Im only somewhat close to 2 other women in the office.</strong>  Or can I gracifully say that because of what has happened we will be shortening our guest list.  Im upset, but honestly I dont even know if I want my boss ...what should I do.
Posted by shanny70[/QUOTE]

So are you close with the whole clan or not?

I agree with PP in that casually mention that you are going to be having a smaller wedding now that your hours have cut short, then leave it at that.  If you only invite the 2 ladies, the rest might feel jilted.

Kristin789

Frankly, if I were you, I'd set a goal of two months to get a different job at a different place - one where your new boss will respect you. 

And I wouldn't invite anyone from my OLD job and I wouldn't invite anyone from my NEW job either.  Those people aren't really personal friends of yours who you hang out with and call / text all the time.  They are just people you know from work. 

cara91997

I had a somewhat similar situation. When FI proposed, I was at one job where I had been for 9 years. I worked with most of the same people that entire time. We are having a small wedding so I was really not sure how to handle the invitations. I figured since I only worked with 7 people it was all or nothing. I never told them they were invited or not. One woman, who I was the closest to, made a comment when I got engaged how she better be invited. Well, I got transferred since then. I barely talk to any of these people. Once in awhile I talk to the woman who I was closest to and I might text 2 others from time to time but I rarely see them. I decided not to invite any of them. I thought about it and our guest list is already over.  

If you think you will be in a new job then don't invite them.  You can have close work friends that you don't hang out with outside of work. If that's the case, you don't hang out with them, text, talk outside of work and budget is tight then don't invite them. I think if your office is that small it's one or all.