thank you note question

mica178

My future in-laws just threw my FI and me a surprise wedding shower.  There was a pile of gifts that we opened during the shower, and there wasn't a single card or indication on any gift as to who was the giver.  (I think it's because not everyone showed up with a gift, so the gifts were given en masse to avoid identifying the giftless and cards were separate on the table.) 

When I write out all the thank you notes, should I just thank each individual for the party and the gifts non-specifically, or should I list out all the gifts on every note?  Do I send the note to the distant relative who contributed towards a gift if I don't know which gift she bought us?

[Deleted User]

I guess if you don't know who each item is from, you have not choice but to do a general thank you. Can you talk to your FIL's and ask them if they remember at all or at least some of them? Since they threw it, maybe they will know at least for some of them.

I know for my bridal shower, I asked one of my BM to write down the names of people who got each gift and a little description so I could thank them specifically for the gift they got me/us.

jayjoe

Who does that? And to be honest, if i went out of my way to buy you something special only for you to not know it was from, i'd be annoyed. You could ask around? Or give the generic Thank you so much for coming and sharing in our special day. Sorry, i am zero help LOL

ohwhynot

Yeah, that sucks.  What a weird thing to do, but I guess the guests will know why they're getting a generic "thank you for attending" thank you card. 

TheSaltyPeanut

Eeee, that's not good.  What's usually done in my area is that someone (sister, bridesmaid...) discreetly keeps track of who gave what and how much, etc.  That way you have a list for when things get shuffled around and/or misplaced.

I would write everything down and try to remember who gave you what.  In my thank you notes, I say something along the lines of "thank you for the crock pot..." or "gift of cash."

I would definitely sent a card to anyone who contributed to a gift no matter how distant the relative or how far away he or she lives.

noodle_oo

That's awful.  You need to find out who gave you the gifts.  I'd be SO pissed if I gave someone a present and they never knew it was from me.  You should talk to you in-laws and they need to call and track down which gift was from who.  It is completely unacceptable to not know who gave them to you and to not thank them for the generous gift.

mica178

It was a weird situation.  It was a lot of OOT people who all happened to be visiting throwing this together at the last minute, so it wasn't a normal bridal shower.  I didn't know how to write down who gave what since it was sort of this "These are from all of us and Aunt B, who isn't here today but sends her love!" deal.  I guess there really isn't any choice but to list everything on every note since no one stepped forward for any specific gift.  Sigh.

ohwhynot

It really doesn't make sense to list every single item on every single thank you note - that would be even weirder, imo, than just saying thank you for coming and sharing the day etc etc. 

Saying something like "We received so many wonderful, generous gifts and we are so very touched by everyone's generosity" would be better, imo, than saying "thank you if you gave any of the following: a blender, towel set, wet/dry vac, cooking pans, red vase . . . "

They were there; they saw how the cards were taken off the gifts, right?  So they know you have no way of knowing who gave what.  Do the best you can.