Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Fair warning to newbies

Just FYI, if you ask a question here, don't expect it to be answered politely.  Everyone here seems so focused on not being rude, yet they are very rude in their responses.

They'll accuse your ideas as being rude, make assumptions that you're a selfish bride, and tell you to elope because your ideas are different.

I came here asking a simple question and instead was torn apart on a completely different part and my question was only adressed by one poster.

So just be aware, this is really a school play ground with the "it" girls who go around and bully others who come here for advice.
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Re: Fair warning to newbies

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    We already read your rant on your question. No one was mean to you. They were pointing out etiquette on the, you know, etiquette board.
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    Wow. This is a completely original post.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    edited March 2013

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    WTF are you talking about?  People answered your question. You even thanked them for it. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    And you just put out a bay signal to everyone by changing the name of your thread. You were quoted so it doesn't matter anyway.
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    Then you try doing a DD on the thread when called out on it? Seems like you are the only rude one. 
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited March 2013
    When someone comes to you and says "Hey, I'm totally gonna go rob that bank.  What kind of gun do you think I should use?"  Would you give them advice on the weapon choice, or would you try to deter them from robbing the bank in the first place?

    People aren't going to validate ideas that are clearly rude and against etiquette.  We are trying to deter you from robbing the bank.
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    The women on this board give etiquette advice. You asked a question they answered but it wasn't the answer you wanted so now your panties are in a bunch. Honestly the best advice for newbie's is to listen to the advice and if they don't like it no one is pointing a gun at them telling them they have to listen to what a group of women on the internet say anyway. But they will have been told what is correct according to etiquette and can choose to follow it or ignore it. 
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    edited March 2013
    OP - I just read that entire thread.  Not one single person was rude to you.  Telling you that what you are planning and your alternatives to that plan are rude (not to mention telling you why) is not rude. Etiquette does not change for weddings.  In fact, it gets stricter.  Learn to deal with it like a grown up instead of throwing a tantrum.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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    I'm not attention-poaching or anything, but I noticed that this topic originated just a few minutes after I offered myself as a newb, following the lead of a few others. I may be a newb, but I can read back through posts and recognize that OP is seemingly off her rocker. If she thinks this kind of warning is the "help" everyone is trying to offer, she should seek the help elsewhere.

    Also, this is not some resource that brides are OBLIGATED to go to for wedding info. It's a website. Anyone can get a membership with 30 seconds and zero dollars. If you don't like it, don't go here. And don't keep coming back if it's only making you mad... logic there is somewhat flawed.
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    People bereate everyone whose opinions are different than theirs. Would I ever have a backyard BBQ wedding? Heck no, but that doesn't make it stupid.

    Everyone on this board thinks they are right b/c that is the "proper etiquette". The proper etiquette in books don't apply to every wedding. Every wedding is different. Some traditions in one region of the country might be far different than another one in another region. Dollar dances go over horribly in northeast. It could be a staple at every wedding in the south.

    I am not rude for not opening gifts at my shower. I am entitled to feel how I feel in regards to people opening them up and not opening them up. Do I think it is rude to open gifts at a shower, yes I do, but instead of listening to my reasons behind it (which are valid), I get attacked for no reason. Maybe you don't mind watching people open gifts that you aren't getting- many many people loathe it NOT just me. I am doing a respectful thing by actually spending time talking to my guests @ my shower than wasting an hour open their gifts, which are material. Company of people is more important than any material gift in this world.

    Just b/c it's not what YOU believe or the etiquette books believe, doesn't make it wrong.

    I agree OP. Most people are pretty rude.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Oh hai Hockey!  I was wondering where you had gotten too after the last time you cussed us all out for no reason at all!  I miiiiiiiissed you!

    Maybe you were busy doing this for entertainment instead
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited March 2013
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:ed7eac42-1cbe-4622-b8a3-96a44327360a">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]People bereate everyone whose opinions are different than theirs. Would I ever have a backyard BBQ wedding? Heck no, but that doesn't make it stupid. Everyone on this board thinks they are right b/c that is the "proper etiquette". The proper etiquette in books don't apply to every wedding. Every wedding is different. Some traditions in one region of the country might be far different than another one in another region. Dollar dances go over horribly in northeast. It could be a staple at every wedding in the south. I am not rude for not opening gifts at my shower. I am entitled to feel how I feel in regards to people opening them up and not opening them up. Do I think it is rude to open gifts at a shower, yes I do, but instead of listening to my reasons behind it (which are valid), I get attacked for no reason. Maybe you don't mind watching people open gifts that you aren't getting- many many people loathe it NOT just me. I am doing a respectful thing by actually spending time talking to my guests @ my shower than wasting an hour open their gifts, which are material. Company of people is more important than any material gift in this world. Just b/c it's not what YOU believe or the etiquette books believe, doesn't make it wrong. I agree OP. Most people are pretty rude.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]


    I have never seen anyone say a backyard bbq wedding is rude or tacky.  Quite the opposite. People encourage couples do do a backyard bbq instead of going into debt for their wedding, or hosting something and asking their guests to pay for it. 

    The only time I see regs getting "rude" is when the OP goes batshitcrazypants.  People here are blunt and honest, and will not co-sign a bad idea, but that doesn't equal rude.  Most of the time, rudeness happens when the OP doesn't get their idea validated, and they get all pissy and talk about their special day, and their horrible idea is ok, because that's what is common in their circles, etc. 

    I do agree with you that geography can make a difference on what is considered culturally acceptable.  But, just because something is normal in a certain crowd, doesn't make it less rude or ok by etiquette standards.  </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:179fe5d7-e248-4fe7-bb97-052c65a5465a">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not attention-poaching or anything, but I noticed that this topic originated<strong> just a few minutes after I offered myself as a newb,</strong> 
    Posted by lisabeats[/QUOTE]

    <div>This cracked me up. Will you be my pet newb, Lisa?</div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:ed7eac42-1cbe-4622-b8a3-96a44327360a">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]People bereate everyone whose opinions are different than theirs. Would I ever have a backyard BBQ wedding? Heck no, but that doesn't make it stupid. Everyone on this board thinks they are right b/c that is the "proper etiquette". The proper etiquette in books don't apply to every wedding. Every wedding is different. Some traditions in one region of the country might be far different than another one in another region. Dollar dances go over horribly in northeast. It could be a staple at every wedding in the south. I am not rude for not opening gifts at my shower. I am entitled to feel how I feel in regards to people opening them up and not opening them up. Do I think it is rude to open gifts at a shower, yes I do, but instead of listening to my reasons behind it (which are valid), I get attacked for no reason. Maybe you don't mind watching people open gifts that you aren't getting- many many people loathe it NOT just me. I am doing a respectful thing by actually spending time talking to my guests @ my shower than wasting an hour open their gifts, which are material. Company of people is more important than any material gift in this world. Just b/c it's not what YOU believe or the etiquette books believe, doesn't make it wrong. I agree OP. Most people are pretty rude.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    Who doesn't open gifts at showers?  I have never seen this called rude here are anywhere else.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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    edited March 2013
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:270c4a81-54bf-4f8f-8c26-7dd058f28faf">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fair warning to newbies : This cracked me up. Will you be my pet newb, Lisa?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    It would be an honor!!

    But please make sure to be snarky and unhelpful as usual, that way I'll be able to be ungrateful and rude myself too. How else would I learn?!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:668039c4-4595-4979-ac54-dcf952924a53">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fair warning to newbies : Who doesn't open gifts at showers?  I have never seen this called rude here are anywhere else.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Owningahome is the only person, ever, who thinks this is rude. She apparently can't handle when people are given gifts and she isn't, so she wouldn't want her equally immature guests to feel the same way.</div><div>
    </div><div>I do think it's pretty funny that she's in no way refusing gifts or not having a shower since she sees these gifts as so  rude...</div>
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    GLB, I think SHE thinks it is rude to open gifts at showers (which is odd b/c the people all gave you the gift there, so why wouldn't you open it?) and in another thread people disagreed with that plan. 

    Owning, if you think we're rude, why do you stick around?  And that's a serious question. I don't understand why people think so many of us are horrible, and yet they continue to stay. If I hated everyone somewhere, I wouldn't go there again. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fair-warning-to-newbies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b3712ee-376b-475e-a969-cc954fdd3bcbPost:9350e275-9313-42e6-8d6c-42754099dad4">Re: Fair warning to newbies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fair warning to newbies : It would be an honor!! But please make sure to be snarky and unhelpful as usual, that way I'll be able to be ungrateful and rude myself too. How else would I learn?!
    Posted by lisabeats[/QUOTE]

    <div>Lisa, I must first browse through all your posts to make sure I haven't taken on a crazypants. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    Own is on a role today.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    In Response to Re:Fair warning to newbies:[QUOTE]Own is on a role today. Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

    Yeah. I lost it on her in the bridal shower thread. Kind of feel bad. But I was fuming.
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    I personally can't stand it when someone asks you for advice, and you tell them something they don't want to hear, and they flip the heck out and get defensive.  Like really, I can't think of many more things that anger me.  Of course, nobody likes getting rude responses (that are actually rude), but having someone disagree with you is not rude.  It's like having a debate vs. a fight.  At least that's how I see it.  I asked a question once, and got mixed answers, split down the middle.  Some people said things that I disagreed with (which was an off-shoot of what I asked about), but nobody was "rude".  I responded politely to their comments, they responded politely back, and it was a good learning experience for me!  I feel like that's how these boards are SUPPOSED to work.  Occasionally you'll get the douchecanoe who is insulting to everyone, but that extreme isn't too common.  The majority of posters on here are very respectful and friendly.  Now this may sound rude, and if so, fine-but seriously, get a life, OP.  Don't take out your "issues" on other posters.
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    I hate you and all your .GIFs!  WTB BBCode. . . and if BBCode already works here, well I hate myself for being a moron!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Seriously, OP? I read your thread and I thought everyone in it was clear and polite. I have absoutely no idea why you got upset. 
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    Again? Will there ever be a day when I can look at this board without this exact same message? You don't have to come here. People don't always agree with my posts or advice, and I learn from it. You posted about one of the top 3 controversial topics on this board (which I would consider cash bars, PPD's, or assigning duties to BMs), and I think everyone was very respectful, but could not hold back their distaste. We care enough to try to keep you from making a mistake.
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    In Response to Re:Fair warning to newbies:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Fair warning to newbies:In Response to Re:Fair warning to newbies: Yeah. I lost it on her in the bridal shower thread. Kind of feel bad. But I was fuming.Posted by misshart00I don't feel bad, she is being ridiculous. She thinks yelling the loadest is going to make her opinion more popular, and is flummoxed when it has the opposite effect. Happens in every thread. Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Thanks. That makes me feel better. I just really don't understand how you can have 900 posts and hate it here.
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