Who to invite?

katiec12

So I will be doing a small wedding (Max 75 people) but I have already had 3 different people wanting to throw me 3 different showers. Since the wedding is so small, mostly family, how do I handle people coming to the shower and not the wedding? I know the "rule" is that if they are invited to the shower, they get invited to the wedding. Is there a way around this? Like no gifts? Explain lightly that it's a small wedding? Didn't think that etiquette would be such an issue! Help

J&K10910

The way around that is to only invite people that will be invited to the wedding, or decline the shower.  So...no.  There's no way around that.

toothpastechica

who is offering to throw the showers? I know here sometimes people at work will throw a shower (during work hours, or with all work people), or a church group will throw a shower and none of them expect to be at the wedding........if its just 3 personal aquantance showers that dont belong to any specific group in your life, then yes they would all need to be invited to the wedding, but if its a group like a work/church or other organizational group, then you are not required to invite them all.

katiec12

One is his god mother, my bridal party, and people in my cohort at school. I guess the cohort would be the organizational thing. Thanks!

Kristin789

His godmother can host an engagement party, to introduce you to his extended family.  No gifts are brought to an engagement party, so this is not a problem.
Your bridal party wants to host a shower, and that's the traditional gift from the bridal party to the bride, so that's not a problem.
Tell the co-hort group at school that you don't want a shower (unless you are inviting 100% of them to the wedding) and you'd like to go out to lunch with them instead.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-54?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8c1ae333-8582-4926-af39-69c0d992c0d3Post:a213fd5e-ec81-4843-8943-149e0798a5a4">Re: Who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]His godmother can host an engagement party, to introduce you to his extended family.  No gifts are brought to an engagement party, so this is not a problem. Your bridal party wants to host a shower, and <strong>that's the traditional gift from the bridal party to the bride</strong>, so that's not a problem. Tell the co-hort group at school that you don't want a shower (unless you are inviting 100% of them to the wedding) and you'd like to go out to lunch with them instead.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>Not necessarily.  If they want to host you a shower, they will.  In OP's case it sounds like they have offered, so that's awesome.  But nobody should EXPECT their bridal party to throw them a shower.   </div><div>
</div><div>For the OP, I three showers sound like a lot to me, espcially if there is any overlap in the guest list.  If people have offered to throw you showers, then you can accept (based on the limitations that have already been mentioned about work/church/possibly school showers). But if you feel uncomfortable about them giving you gifts (like, you mentioned other students you go to school with?) maybe you could suggest to the organizer that you do something low-key like go out to lunch or order pizza in or something that wouldn't be a gift-giving event.  </div>

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-54?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8c1ae333-8582-4926-af39-69c0d992c0d3Post:c6e23917-30b3-4d76-b09a-19abe264583e">Re: Who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]One is his god mother, my bridal party, and people in my cohort at school. <strong>I guess the cohort would be the organizational thing</strong>. Thanks!
Posted by katiec12[/QUOTE]

Friends from school is not an "organization".  You should turn down any shower where the guest list will include non-wedding guests.  You can have a lunch, or other non-wedding related party.  Remember ALL wedding-related parties must include only wedding guests.  That includes engagement parties and bachelorette parties.